Written by Brian Depenbrock, Swinglifestyle
Swinging is a fetish, watching, orgies, sharing. Yep, all fetishes. Just like swinging, Fetishes are anything from mild to wild. From tickling with a feather to spanking and restraint. In this issue we’ll cover the broad fetish of BDSM. BDSM is a Lifestyle of its own and those that live the lifestyle occupy one or more parts of the BDSM triad: BD – DS – SM
A Top or a Dom is generally the one in control, or at least that’s the way it appears on the surface. Bottom or Sub is being controlled. In actuality, the Bottom/Sub is in control of the experience and dictates what they will allow.
In a Dom/Sub relationship, the participants generally live as Dom/Sub, on an ongoing basis. The Dom controls the Sub’s life to a large extent, not as a slave, but as an elected leader. For the Sub, your Dom IS your world, you live and breathe for this person, not because you are weak or weird, just because you feel you need to be told what to do. Many marriages are Dom/Sub relationships. A Sub feels that they exist for and because of their Dom. In a marriage, one partner usually becomes the Sub in many things; “What’s for dinner” is an example. For a Sub, if the Dom is happy, the Sub is happy.
Dominance is the ultimate form of Submission. Without your Sub, you have no control, thus the Sub, by obeying the Dom, controls the Dom. The Sub decides to obey or not.
Many Subs wear a collar as if it were a wedding ring and usually will have more than one collar (vanilla for a night at the movies, or a more noticeable one for a night of play).
In a Top Bottom relationship, the participants are having fun for a short period of time, such as a powerful executive that relieves stress by being a Bottom for an evening.
Generally, one is either a Dom/Top or a Sub/Bottom. A few people qualify as a switch and can do both. It seems on the surface that it would be fun to do both, but once you’ve given it a try, you’ll usually find that only one “speaks” to you.
Most fetishes are M-F, although there are some F-F partners. M-M fetish partners are generally in their own community.
In many ways, a marriage is a compromise, or is it a switch? The male in a marriage is usually responsible for certain parts of a marriage and the female for other parts. Both partners “switch.”
Fetish Club info
A true fetish club IS: A place for members and guest to enjoy one or more parts of the triad.
A true fetish club IS NOT: A place to find a professional Dominatrix; you pay for entry to the club, not for someone to abuse you.
A true fetish club IS NOT: A dress up party where you need to buy expensive outfits and equipment just to get in the door.
Many true fetish clubs have an open door policy where most anyone can pay to enjoy a party, no special clothing is required just to watch and try things out. Just call and ask before you attend. Females can generally wear anything they wish, regular club wear is fine. Making a wardrobe decision can be a bit more difficult for men, but for your first visit, basic black will help you blend in.
If you’re interested, give a club a call and take a chance. No one will grab you and tie you up, unless you ask, and you’re free to simply watch. If you do want to play, you’ll usually need your own toys.
Clubs are for:
A place to go “watch” or participate.
A place to meet and socialize. A place to play. Expect a relaxed atmosphere. Watch – Learn – Enjoy
If someone asks to massage your feet, and you agree to allow it, that now makes you the Top (in control). You owe absolutely nothing in return. Your new Bottom has gotten all they want, to serve.
There is no pain in the BDSM lifestyle, unless that is what
A few books of interest:
“SM101″ by Jay Wiseman
“Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns” by Philip Miller
The movie “Secretary” is also a decent example of a Sub/Dom relationship.
My wife and I recently visited a few Fetish/BDSM stores, parties and clubs as research for this article. We were surprised to discover that, just like swingers, these people are often misunderstood. At first we were very hesitant about this article and more hesitant about visiting a club. We quickly discovered that those in the “BDSM Lifestyle” are regular people,” Just like us swingers. Doctors, Lawyers, School Teachers and Firemen to name a few. There seems to be two classes of BDSM, those that play dress up and those play for real.
Many parties and stores are in the Dress up camp, outlandish outfits with party goes trying to out do each other. It’s a Halloween party every weekend. Attendees are generally required to dress the part (a potentially expensive endeavor) but this helps maintain that fantasy world they seek since everyone is dressed in theme. I don’t have a foot fetish, but man alive some of those sexy long fetish boots make my pants get tight.
The other camp are those that live and play for this lifestyle. Sure, they dress up, but dress up is not the point and is not required. Visiting clubs such as Klux Kink in Pompano Beach, FL. (Fort Lauderdale) is a relaxing, no pressure experience. We’ll, I say relaxing, but it was a very exciting experience. Relaxing from the standpoint of not being required to dress up or participate. Relaxing to have a drink, discuss a variety of topics and be around open minded people. Exciting to watch people play with BD, DS and SM, all in a safe comfortable environment.