Concerned Friends

Dear Dr. R. Lindsey,

We are a professional couple in our 40′s and have been in the lifestyle for two-years. We have made many friendships and enjoy our “swing time.” However, we also have many long standing friendships with couples not in the lifestyle. We are open with most of them and they look forward to hearing about our adventures in swinging. Recently one couple has indicated a desire to explore the lifestyle and yet we feel uneasy about it. We notice that they are often angry with one another and very jealous. What should we do?

Sincerely,
Concerned Friends

Dear Concerned Friends,

Your caution is well founded. The Lifestyle is intriguing to many people, but it is not suitable for most. Your best approach is to have a discussion with this couple and educate them about how the Lifestyle can quickly bring a prepared couple together or tear an unprepared couple apart. Focus on the need for great communication, well developed self-esteem, and how to manage one’s jealous feelings. The Lifestyle is not the answer to a challenging relationship. However it may be a great enhancement to a stable and caring relationship.

Be well,
Dr. R. Lindsey,

What’s In A Word

Written by Bob Hannaford, French Connection Events

Swingers View-Whats In A Word“Swing,” “Swinger,” what do these words mean to you. How about the word “lifestyle?” Funny how words mean so many different things to so many different people. My dictionary defines “Swinger” as: “One that swings: a good swinger of baseball bats.” I always had a suspicion that Barry Bonds was a “swinger.” My dictionary also says: “A member of a couple, especially a married couple, who exchanges sexual partners.” Now we’re getting somewhere, although I didn’t know marital status had so much to do with “swinging.” I’ll have to call Webster and explain to him that non-married couples swing too. I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear that.

The word “swing” dates back to the 20′s when the black community discovered a new form of music called Jazz and called it “Swinging Jazz.” The reference described the form of dance where a man would literally “swing” his partner through a series of dance moves. Like the Charleston and the Lindy Hop were born, and so was the term “swing.” Most conservatives couldn’t believe it when they saw people shaking their hips and frolicking to this new underground sensual music.

Eventually, in the 30′s and 40′s, band leaders like Cab Callaway, Duke Ellington, Glen Miller and Count Basie brought in the big band era and “Swing was King.” The popularity of swing music faded after WWII until the late 50′s when Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack redefined the word “swinger.” The word’s connotation reached beyond their music and started to represent their lifestyle. They were hip, fashionable, cool and sexy. They were swingers, man. Playboy magazine was first published and a new era of sexuality was born. “Swinger” had a positive connotation, everyone wanted to be called a “swinger.” Of course the term was only relegated to men. Being considered a swinger would never be considered appropriate for a woman.

Of course the “shagedelic swinging sixties” followed and once again the term “swinger” took on a new, cartoon-type of character. Towards the end of the 60′s, swinger clubs started to form. Publications were printed and different forms of alternative relationships like swinging, polyamory and communal living started to show up.

It wasn’t long before the 70′s and rumors of “key parties” and “wife swappers” became the common explanation of the “new swingers.” Again, sexist overtones dominated the “swinger” scene, the very term “wife swapper” implies that the man owns his wife and can trade her at will for another partner.

The 80′s saw a surge of new clubs forming until the AIDS scare forced many swingers underground and many clubs closed or dropped in membership. Eventually, swinging became a lot more open, clubs rebounded and national conventions like Lifestyles in California and Las Vegas gained in popularity and thousands of couples came to meet other open minded couples. “Recreational swinging” became a powerful economic factor, in fact it became an industry.
Today, you can find articles on “swinging” in Time magazine, the New York Times, Details, on HBO, MTV, Showtime, VH1 and most national and local newscasts, newspapers and magazines. Conventions and clubs have popped up in every state. Resorts and hotels now cater to “swing” groups like never before. Recently, in New Orleans, over 1,000 “swingers” paraded down Bourbon St. in the first ever “swinging parade” behind a jazz (swing) band with a police escort. Swinging has almost become mainstream.

It has become so mainstream that swing clubs and businesses finally have their own trade association. Imagine the effect of an organized effort to put forth positive images of this “swinging lifestyle.” This is the first step in gaining acceptance and tolerance for a sexual minority that is steadily growing and we are being noticed.

By the way, I looked up the word “lifestyle” and my dictionary said: “A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group.” When the term “lifestyle” became popular over a generation ago, it had many critics that objected to it as trendy and superficial because it was mainly used to justify habits of consumption, recreation or fads to categories in a system of social classification. Many different forms of sexual minorities all consider themselves to be living a different “lifestyle” from the mainstream. Nonetheless, the term has been useful, in fact, because they help explain ourselves when referring to social values and behavior.

Why the history lesson? Most people I run into find the label “swinger” as a negative term with which they don’t want to be labeled. While I understand their reasons, most do not understand that the terms “swing” and “swinger” have undergone many transformations over the last century and will continue to change over the next few years. My favorite dictionary definition defines “swinger” as: “A person who actively seeks excitement and moves with the latest trends.” Now that is a term we can live with. Maybe we should print that definition on shirts, come out of the closet and show the world who we are. OK, maybe not this week… but soon?

The International Lifestyle Association (ILA) is a nonprofit, member-controlled organization that exists to promote a positive image of alternative lifestyles and to support lifestyle businesses, professionals, and participants. We will be contributing to Lifestyle Magazine with articles we hope you will find informative and most of all, interesting. Please visit our site at www.theILA.org for more information on the growing swing community. You can support our efforts by joining today.

Top Ten Reasons to be a Swinger

Written by Suzanne & Michael
Newbies Guide-Top Ten Reasons to be a SwingerI have written several articles about how fun sex can be and have been asked, why swing? Taking excerpts from our favorite authors Ed and Dana’s “Consider Swinging,” here are the top ten reasons to swing.

Remember Swinging is recreational sex. Responsible non-monogamy. Many couples bowl together for fun and recreation, swingers have sex for fun and recreation. Here is how it can work:

Reason 10
Enjoyable company. Swingers are the kind of people that are exciting and fun to be with. They are happy, honest, vibrant, intelligent, attractive and very friendly. Swingers enjoy being swingers all the time. The club environment is free but swingers are great fun at parties, picnics, movies, dinner, ball games and any place people go for fun and recreation. Everything’s better when shared with wonderful people.

Reason 9
A very healthy lifestyle. Most swinging scenes discourage heavy alcohol consumption, prohibit drug use and can provide good cardiopulmonary exercise. The best way to stay healthy and avoid colds is to know there is a social event coming up soon. Swinging will get you out and about more often than any other hobby.

Reason 8
Play dress up. Yes! Finally an environment that gives you the opportunity to wear those daring dresses and leather lingerie. You can shop the adult catalogs and stores and have a place to show off. You will not get arrested, assaulted or laughed at. Most women and men enjoy dressing up and strutting their stuff.

Reason 7
Getting your fantasies fulfilled. Two ladies? Three men? Same sex? Intimate moment with a stranger? Being watched? Watching others? Large piles of anonymous flesh? If you can fantasize about it, the swing lifestyle can help fulfill it. Swing is about consensual and discreet participants hosting your fantasy.

Reason 6
Improve your sexual technique. You and your partner may be very adept lovers but you don’t know what you don’t know. Some things need to be seen and practiced, not just read about.

Reason 5
Staying “attractive” is good for you. Nothing is more motivation to stay on a diet, or exercise then the prospect of a swing party. Many times we stop maintaining our attractiveness when we settle in a relationship. If we want to be “swappable” we need to shake that up. This is not always just about looking like a “10″ but attractiveness is about the attitude of a “10.”

Reason 4
Satisfy your appetite for variety. You probably have a loving, wonderful, sexy partner but why limit yourself? Big muscles, big boobs, shapely butt or pendulous penis, blondes, red heads, brunette or bald, on top, on bottom, on the side, it is all out there. Life is a smorgasbord of delights. Step up to the feast!

Reason 3
Good friends. Nothing outside your own family is more valuable than friendship. If you are one of the lucky ones, you have a few really good friends. Stick around swingers for a while and you will find several more. This intimate lifestyle is the perfect venue for meeting other couples that truly share your interests and approach to life.

Reason 2
Better friends. The sad truth is jealousy; envy and similar sexual issues break friendships among couples. The second best reason to swing is the positive effects it can have on friendships. There is no reason to hide your desire for your friend”s partner when that desire is openly welcomed. There is no reason to be fearful of your partner having an affair behind your back when you enjoy watching and joining in. It is fantastic when everyone is relaxed and real; the sexual tensions are removed from the friendship.

The Top Reason To Consider Swinging IsNewbies Guide to Swinging-Ten Reasons to be a Swinger

“The couple that plays together….” You have heard talk of “non-monogamous” lifestyles. This is different. If swinging were just about freely having sex with other people it would not need a special name. What makes swinging special is that couples do it together.

There are very few things that draw partners together better than the social and sexual sharing of swinging. You may be thinking that you might not want to share your partner with someone else, consider that when you and your partner go to the movies together, you are not sharing them with the movie, rather the two of you share the experience of watching the movie. Shared experiences are the building blocks of a strong relationship. We are not suggesting you share your partner with anyone. We are suggesting that you share with each other the joys of experiencing other people mentally, emotionally and physically.