Dear Dr. R. Lindsey,

We are a happily married couple of many years and newbies in the lifestyle. We have vacationed at a swingers’ resort and tremendously enjoyed the sexually charged atmosphere. We have watched other couples swap partners for erotic fun including all out intercourse. So you could say we have done some “soft swinging” but have yet to swap partners with another couple in bed for sex. We are eager to move to this full-swap/intercourse phase where we can sexually interact with other couples and enjoy sex with a variety of partners. We have a couple of questions for you that would help us newbies:

1. As newbies do you recommend that we get our first partner swap sexual experience with an experienced couple or should ne work with other newbies to fulfill our sexual fantasies?

2. We are close friends with many couples for a number of years. When we socialize we kiss, tease, dance and have lots of fun, all without swapping partners for sex. We would like so swap partners with some of the friends for erotic fun in the nude and sexual intercourse. However, we do not know how to go about ascertaining which couples are open to the idea of swapping mates in bed for sex. We are looking for suggestions for querying these couples that would elicit a response in a non threatening manner.

We are looking for your suggestions. Thanks for your help.

Newbie Couple.

Dear Newbie Couple,

In response to the first of your questions, I suggest that as you move toward your first full swap experience, approach it as an exploratory and experimental journey and review your rules first. Next, seek out a more experienced couple to mentor you. Be honest and open. Let them know this is new for you. In out experience, our Lifestyle mentors took extra care to see to our safety, comfort, and pleasure. It is always best to have an experienced guide when traveling to a new place.

In response to part two of your question I encourage you to approach long-term friends with caution. If they are not in the Lifestyle, approach the topic with great care. You may begin to share your experiences in a non-threatening manner. Tell some stories of your Lifestyle experiences and gage their response. We have many “plain vanilla” friends that enjoy being naked in the hot tub, shared massage, and dirty dancing, but have no interest or are not confident enough as a couple to be in the Lifestyle. Don’t sacrifice a good friendship by potentially offending or intimidating another couple. The Lifestyle isn’t for everybody nor does it have to be.

Good journey,

Dr. R. Lindsey