LifeStyle Paradox…Always Discuss Things With Your Partner

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin 1 Comment

Newbies Guide-Lifestyle ParadoxMy wife and I have been in the LifeStyle for several years. We’ve been to many clubs, parties, conventions and resorts. We have played with more than a few couples and singles and have not had a jealous moment in a long time. I was quite surprised at a recent, non-lifestyle event, which struck a jealous bone.

We’re very secure in our relationship and only play together; it’s more fun that way. We recently hired a male to come to our home and give us both a massage. He came out a few times and everything was fine. He brought his own table,
oils and all the stuff you need, but didn’t have a sheet for us to cover up with. I usually strip down naked for a massage since I’m under a sheet. Since there was no sheet, I decided to keep my boxers on. My wife kept her thong on, but went topless.

Being secure in my masculinity, not to mention that we are open about our bodies, active in the lifestyle and frequent nude beaches; I didn’t have any problem with her being topless, at least not at first.

As two or three weeks went by, one session per week, I began to notice that my entire massage was given with me on my tummy. My wife’s massage was given half face down, half face up. Now, I have lower back problems, which the masseur is aware of, so I blew this off as him just spending more time on my back. One time the masseur came to our house, I happened to walk by the massage table while he was massaging her, but he appeared to be massaging her breast. Not groping or anything overly sexual, but more than what I considered normal. I know there are muscles in there, but it caught me as unacceptable for the masseur to massage my wife’s exposed breast. On my way back by a few minutes later, he was still working on the breast, quite a long time I thought. I’m not sure if jealousy is the correct term, as I don’t really think I was jealous as much as I felt this person was taking advantage of the situation and getting a bit of pleasure for himself.

I discussed this later with my wife; she didn’t realize what was going on. After a 10 minute discussion, she agreed that it was not acceptable conduct by the masseur and agreed to wear a top the next time. We’ve played with single males in the past and enjoyed it very much, but this was not the type of encounter we look for. Maybe as a fantasy, but never in reality.
We still use the same masseur and have not had any problems. It’s quite possible that he knew we were swingers; we’re listed on several websites and have adult material all over the house. Her being topless and having an open personality could easily appear inviting, but it’s still not appropriate. Just like it’s not OK to grab a naked lady at a club, without permission, it’s not OK to touch an exposed breast without asking.

So, the moral of this story is that you should always discuss things with your partner. Keep an open line of communication and head off any problems as early as possible.

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Rule Making and Breaking, Tips Every Couple Should Know

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Dr. R. Lindsey
Newbies Guide to Swinging-Rule Making and BreakingBeing a happy and healthy couple in the Lifestyle requires a lot of love, trust, flexibility and energy. Couples that enjoy the Lifestyle to the fullest have one thing in common, they know “The Rules.” Now these are not a book of rules on how to find the perfect mate, or how to manipulate your significant other, these are the rules that you create TOGETHER.  However, getting started on creating your rules requires some organization and we hope this article helps to get you started.

Here are two simple questionnaires to help you get started on an important discussion you need to have with your partner. I suggest you read this article, then each of you complete your part of the survey in private. Afterword, compare notes and discuss your answers. If the discussion results in an argument, you may want to reconsider your interest in the lifestyle.

RULE 1:
Know Your Self: Knowing yourself is where it all starts. There are many questions one might ask to get to know yourself better. Basic questions include:

  • Why am I interested in the LifeStyle?
  • What types of relationships am I looking for?
  • What activities will I engage in?
  • What activities am I willing to explore?
  • What activities will I not engage in?
  • Who will I play with?

RULE 2:
Know Your Partner: Remember you are in this together. Basic questions include:

  • Why is your partner interested in the Lifestyle?
  • What types of relationships is your partner looking for?
  • What activities will your partner engage in?
  • What activities is your partner willing to explore?
  • What activities will your partner not engage in?
  • Who will your partner play with?

An Experience: When You Assume.

A moderately experienced couple is attending a house party with eight other couples and one single female. As the evening progresses the single female is spending a lot of time and paying a lot of attention to a husband. As people become more playful, the single female takes the husband by the hand and leads him into the other room for some “private time.” The next morning the wife is quiet and moody. The husband inquires “What’s wrong?” The wife begins to cry and states “I can’t believe you left the party to be alone with that girl. I don’t even know why the bitch was invited.” The husband responded in a surprised fashion asking “What did I do wrong?”
Rule review (if they had rules).

  • Full Swap – OK
  • Different Rooms – OK
  • Single Female – Not OK

RULE 3:
Share What You Have Learned: A simple process is to discuss your individual responses to the questionnaire. Do not approach this conversation as a negotiation. Approach it as an opportunity to learn more about each other’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

Newbies Guide to Swinging-Tips Couple Should KnowRULE 4:
Create Rules You Can Love With: It is important to create a set of rules that make you both comfortable. Typically, one partner is more adventurous than the other. As you begin this process together it will require flexibility and patience. Remember, one’s exploration of the Lifestyle is a process. Things begin to evolve quickly and your rules will change
over time.
An Experience: Too Much Too Soon
A couple is attending an on-premise club for the first time. They shyly watch the activities in the “hospitality suites for a while.” After a few drinks they decide to take a chance and begin to become intimate with one another in a semi private room. Another couple joins them and the environment becomes very erotic. In the heat of the moment, the wife reaches out to the other couple. She slowly moves toward the other man and mounts him as his wife massages her back. Her husband is stunned, left alone; he grabs his clothes, gets up, and abruptly leaves the room.

Rule review.

  • Voyeurism – OK
  • Exhibitionism – OK
  • Intercourse with a stranger – Not OK
  • Ignoring her husband – Not OK

RULE 5:
Don’t Break the Rules: If you agree to a set of rules, stick to them. Don’t change them in the in the heat of the moment. If you feel that you are ready to go beyond your rules, stop and discuss this with your partner. The best time to explore your rules is during the time you spend reviewing your experiences.

RULE 6:
Take Time to Review Your Experiences: This is very important. Share what you enjoyed and didn’t enjoy, and what you may be willing to try. These discussions may be the most intimate and exciting discussions that you may ever have. Reliving passionate experiences can be very erotic.
An Experience:
The Morning After
A couple is lying in bed after a night of very playful fun with two couples that they like a lot. They begin to talk about the evening’s events, the food, the music, and the sex. The wife indicates that during the evening she explored her first bi-sensual experience and really enjoyed it. As she shares the details of this experience they both become aroused and make the most of the morning. The wife indicates that she may wish to explore bi-sensuality more at the next gathering.

RULE 7:
Take Time to Revise Your Rules: Your rules may change due a variety of reasons. If you are having difficulties in your relationship, you may wish to tighten things up or take a break. Illness, financial issues, and the stress of everyday life may also impact your rules.

If things are going well, you may wish to expand your rules. If you are experiencing a surge in confidence, the excitement of new friendships, or the comfort of familiar playmates, you may wish to make general and/or specific revisions to your rules.

Either way, enter this knowing that your individual and collective preferences will change and grow in a healthy and happy manner if you work together as a team.

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Fabulous Firsts…..A Tale of Tricks & Treats

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin 1 Comment

Written by David Lawrence
Newbies Guide to Swinging-Fabulous Firsts“We were dating for eight months when it came time for Halloween,” says Andrea. “Mike and I decided that we’d throw a party for couples only, all good friends but none in the LifeStyle. At least none we knew about. As added entertainment, we thought it would be a fun surprise to invite an exotic dancer who would show up at midnight and do her thing for the crowd. Well, she sure showed – and she sure did her thing.”

Here’s how it all went down… The guests arrived about 8 pm in a perfectly predictable Halloween assortment of costumed couples: there was a swashbuckling pirate and his damsel, a wildly silly cross-dressing duo, a pair of political spoofers, two grotesque monsters, and a couple of Q-tips with Andrea and Mike, humorously wardrobed as circus clowns. “Things were totally normal,” Mike says, “We were having an enjoyable time. The food was great. People were telling stories about past Halloweens they recalled as kids. We were dancing a bit, but nothing very alluring. “However, when the doorbell rang at midnight, the party really began. The most sexy witch imaginable swept into the room, humping her broom!”

Bewitched on the Wild Side

“She really was a `bewitching’ beauty,” says Andrea. “She had a lacey black dress on; it was long but had slits up both legs. She had a cape over that, a wide black hat, and long black gloves. She carried a glowing jack-o-lantern with a fearsome face carved out. Her makeup wasn’t horrific, though. Instead, it was expertly applied for what would be an otherwise elegant evening. And her blond hair was thick and long, and contrasted gorgeously with the rest of her outfit. I couldn’t help but get caught up by her looks… costume and occasion aside.” The guests didn’t know what to make of the witch’s appearance at first. Some figured she was a late-arriving invitee. Some thought an over-grown trick or treater. Some just figured she was lost. No one expected what followed, even Andrea and Mike.

The wondrous witch began to dance to the pre-arranged music she provided a week earlier as part of a pre-party meeting with the hosts. Amidst the circle of guests in the living room, as Andrea and Mike requested, she danced and bumped and ground away by herself, enjoying her own gyrations. “No doubt, the immediate reaction was shock,” Mike says. “But shock, combined with the effects of a few hours of alcohol, probably kept people from walking out of the room. “We had agreed our witch would only invite Mike up to dance with her,” Andrea recalls. “That was the arrangement and we’d see where things went from there.” And so that’s what happened. At first.

“I couldn’t believe how turned on I got seeing her dance with my boyfriend,” Andrea says. “I wasn’t even registering others’ reactions as she began to take off her clothing and also started to strip Mike. I was just lost in my own erotic sensations, being a voyeur to what was turning into a live sex show. Then I joined in.”

As Andrea and Mike report, their threesome frolicked and fondled to the music, partially undressed, while everyone sat glued, in full costume. After a few dances, the wondrous witch turned to the others and invited everyone to join in. And most did, surprisingly, though one couple did exit quietly. The beat went on. The group’s gyrations intensified, and pirates’ pants melded with monsters’ masks in corners of the room. “Our guests became very un-costumed,” Andrea laughs. “But not unhinged.”

Mike says that it was his turn to be shocked as the witch and the women played on the dance floor, hugging each other, rubbing breasts, kissing. The men mostly watched while trying to join in the dancing. But after a while, the women became irresistible and the guys, cautiously, even “gentlemanly,” as Mike puts it, put their hands in, feeling their own partners, initially, but then getting bolder and reaching out for other women.

The music continued, the witch heated things up by moving among the dancers, men and women. The action got wilder. “It didn’t become quite a full-blast orgy,” Mike says, “But we had some kind of very hot sexual scene going on, with varying degrees of heat.”

As one of the guys later said, “I was in my own soft porn world; just exhilarated by how free I felt.” “The crowd got really turned on, more than we could have imagined,” Andrea says, “We had our own little lifestyle group.” And the festivities lasted until dawn.

As for the aftermath, Mike and Andrea think that, for most of the couples, their Halloween trick and treat was a one-time burst of uninhibited bliss. But for one other couple and themselves, their impromptu and largely unintended introduction into swinging has continued ever since.

“Mike and I talked for weeks afterwards, as a couple, and also with some of the others from our party,” she says. “I’m most happy to say we’ve stayed friends with everyone. No one got upset, even the couple who left early. They figured how things might evolve and just decided it wasn’t for them. In fact, they were curious about what actually occurred, and we told them over dinner with lots of laughs.”

“I think the best result,” Mike summarizes, “is that Andrea and I really explored our feelings, actions, and reactions to the party. We both admitted how much we enjoyed it. And we soon took up our more serious efforts to enjoy the fun side of the LifeStyle on a regular basis.”

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

I Can Do That

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin 1 Comment

Written by Amy Rule
Newbies Guide to Swinging-I Can Do ThatYou’ve been married 10 years or more. You know your marriage is solid, but you’re looking for something to spice things up a bit. You’ve played around with the idea of swinging, you’ve talked about it together, but you’ve never done anything. Why not?

One of the biggest reasons people who are interested in the LifeStyle hold back is that they feel they are not desirable enough. The housewife who could afford to lose 20 pounds. The husband whose only 6-pack is in the fridge. The BBW or BHM who never WAS beautiful or handsome by conventional definitions. I mean, just look at the ads for those tropical resorts. If you don’t have the figure for a bikini, don’t go, right?

Wrong!

I am a 300 pound BBW, happily married to my college sweetheart for 18 years now. We’ve always had a sort of open arrangement to our marriage. But I noticed an annoying pattern. Many of our female friends were more than happy to fool around with him, but the guys all said “I could never fool around with Norman’s wife!” I was getting the short end of the stick.

We had heard about swinging, which seemed to be more couples oriented, which would solve my problem. But I was wary; I’ve been rejected all my life for being fat, why should this be any different? In fact, we saw some pretty people ads which only made my fears worse. Why should I set myself up for rejection?

So for a long time we didn’t do anything. Finally about four years ago we did, and we’ve been very happy with the results.

What happened to change my mind? A couple of things. They all come down to the concept of self-confidence. Before I could consider putting myself on the line like that, I had to have some reason to believe somebody would want me. So we looked for a club in our area and did some research. Where we live, there are several groups that have house parties or hotel parties on a semi-regular basis; actual permanent facilities aren’t that common. One particular group seemed interesting. They have a yahoo group website, and I liked the photo of the host couple. She was a very pretty 30-something with long curly hair. Most of all, she wasn’t skinny. Not as big as me, but nicely curvy. No way you could confuse her with a fashion model she’s much prettier in my opinion. So we chatted with people on the group list, and signed up for the group’s Valentines party.

We knew going in that there would be at least one couple who wasn’t “perfect,” and they were the hosts. We met a variety of people that night and for the most part we were warmly welcomed. I have found swingers to be some of the most welcoming people I’ve ever associated with. The “beautiful people” ads are wrong; that’s not what swingers are about. Many of us have a different kind of beauty; I’ve never seen another group so willing to realize that.

So what can you do to make your first experience as memorable as mine? First of all, do your homework. If there’s a chat room where you can meet some people like we did, take advantage of it. If you’re afraid you won’t be welcomed because you’re too fat, too skinny, the wrong skin tone, too old, too young, then ask! If the club is worth associating with, they’ll make you feel welcome and try to ease your fears. If not, keep looking… there is another one around that will.

Newbies Guide-I Can Do ThatWhen you go to the party, don’t be a wallflower. Wear something as sexy and daring as you can and still feel comfortable. Don’t feel pressured, but maybe let yourself feel free to explore a side of you that you usually keep hidden.

Many newcomers are shy, and a good host will try to draw them out, but sometimes they miss someone. There is usually a “social hour” before the fun starts. Use the time to chat with your fellow party goers, get to know them as people. Our hosts had an “icebreaker” at the end of the social hour where all the guys lined up opposite the girls and everybody introduced themselves to the person opposite them and hugged (or kissed or whatever they felt comfortable with). Then the guys shifted one position to the left and repeated until every girl had met every guy. It was a nice way to make at least initial contact with everybody and you could get an idea of who might be interested by how they reacted.

If your party or club has a “group room,” sometimes that can be a good place to start. A lot of times old friends will pair off early in a party, meeting people they’ve partied with before. A newcomer can feel a bit left out. But the group room isn’t about pairing off, and is a great place to just watch if you’re not ready to jump in yet. And who knows, you might just be inspired to join in! We started out watching, and when the group on the bed broke up to go get some food and drinks, Norman and I took over the now empty bed. Playing with your partner is familiar and comfortable; all you’ve added is the excitement that somebody might be watching. And sure enough, another couple came down and watched us for a while, then asked if they could join in. Norman still remembers the woman’s beautiful celtic butterfly tattoo! The four of us had a great time.

The point is that most parties or clubs offer something for everyone. Relax, meet some new friends, have a good time, and maybe even join in the fun. Whatever you’re comfortable with. And next time, you’ll find you’re dressing sexier, getting more assertive when it comes to finding someone to play with, and generally having an even better time. Each positive experience builds your confidence. And there is nothing sexier than self-confidence.

We have made several good friends in the LifeStyle; they are some of the most accepting, fun-loving folks we’ve ever known. It’s not for everyone, but just maybe, it’s for you.

See you at a party soon?

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Soft Side of Swinging…

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin 2 Comments

Written by David Lawrence
That’s not exactly the first thing you want to hear at a LifeStyle club. But that’s the joking response Joan and Bob got when they told another couple they were “soft swingers.”  Before we probe further (forgive the pun): “soft swinging” refers to the range of playful, sexual activities, other than exchanging partners for intercourse.

And quite a range it is!

Soft swingers define themselves as people who simply enjoy being voyeurs, or those who just like groping and gaping on the dance floor (and staying vertical!), or couples who say they”ll do most anything up to having intercourse with someone other than their date, partner or spouse.

Here”s Why Bother

Newbies Guide To Swinging-Soft SwingersJoan and Bob love playing with others, on and off the dance floor, but want intercourse to be something they hold in reserve for their “one and only” special partner. It”s still all very pleasurable, they say, and really stimulates things when they get home. Joan is quick to add, “Except for that first encounter, everyone we’ve met in the LifeStyle has been completely understanding. “We’re up front about things, and we’ve never had a problem. People really respect our limits.”

Sarah and Steve have a similar opinion when it comes to the intercourse/intimacy factor. As Steve says, “We talked about this a lot. To be honest, I brought it up first because I was craving sexual variety. So we talked. And talked. And then discovered there’s a lot we can do within the lifestyle that feels good, very good, even to orgasm. But without intercourse.”

“We now have a small group of like-minded folks we’ve met at clubs and parties who feel the same,” Sarah notes, “and we get together for soft core play several times during the year.”

Anna and Jeff are a long-term married couple who enjoy spicing up their relationship with what they term, “harmless variety.”  The best part of the lifestyle, they say, is watching each other, “do a whole lot of dirty dancing at a club with others on the dance floor.”
“I love wearing sexy clothing,” Anna says, “and getting a group of women engaged on the dance floor. I lose myself in the flow and sensuality of the moment.” “And I really love watching all that,” Jeff emphasizes.

Tracey and Mick have what they term, “a rich fantasy life.” Soft swinging only enhances their fantasies, they say. “We find ourselves having lots of sexy conversations with people at clubs,” Tracey says, “and then we talk about things, together, for the whole week after we go. All that talk translates into some steamy nights at home.”

“Soft swinging meets our needs for sexual exploration,” Mick says. “We’re okay to watch and play around with others in rooms. There’s no mystery about how and why things can get so hot. After all, a lot of sex doesn’t involve intercourse.”

Newbies Guide-Soft SwingingLinda and her husband Ron have been soft swingers for six years. She’s also a licensed psychologist with an active family practice. Her professional take on soft swinging is that some LifeStyle couples don’t want to separate intimacy from sex. “It’s easier to set the rules and everyone can play because there’s something inhibiting or non-threatening for everyone,” she says. “For example, anyone can be a voyeur without being rejected. And it’s great fun to be an exhibitionist or simply cop a feel without more intense interaction.

“Soft swinging is also terrific for people just getting into the LifeStyle because you have can have lots of pleasure without taking lots of risk. And it doesn’t mean you’re going to end up going any further. Rubbing bodies on the dance floor without being serious can remain a lifetime pleasure. A side benefit is that you can tell non-LifeStyle people about your dirty dancing escapades “and don’t be surprised if you find yourselves very popular dinner guests!”

In sum, Linda’s perspective seems to be typical of soft swingers: the soft swinging LifeStyle offers an intriguing chance to expand sexual experiences without getting into a realm of intimacy that might create hurdles.

“We’re in the frame of mind that there are some things in the LifeStyle we’re comfortable about and some things we’re not,” Anna says. “There are boundaries we’re happy with, as individuals and as a couple. Defining those boundaries has been enlightening, especially since many couples never have conversations about their sexual desires, let alone try new things.
“In short, this is a way we can have our cake and eat it, too. Or suck it! Oops, was that too nasty to print?”

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Top Ten Reasons to be a Swinger

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Suzanne & Michael
Newbies Guide-Top Ten Reasons to be a SwingerI have written several articles about how fun sex can be and have been asked, why swing? Taking excerpts from our favorite authors Ed and Dana’s “Consider Swinging,” here are the top ten reasons to swing.

Remember Swinging is recreational sex. Responsible non-monogamy. Many couples bowl together for fun and recreation, swingers have sex for fun and recreation. Here is how it can work:

Reason 10
Enjoyable company. Swingers are the kind of people that are exciting and fun to be with. They are happy, honest, vibrant, intelligent, attractive and very friendly. Swingers enjoy being swingers all the time. The club environment is free but swingers are great fun at parties, picnics, movies, dinner, ball games and any place people go for fun and recreation. Everything’s better when shared with wonderful people.

Reason 9
A very healthy lifestyle. Most swinging scenes discourage heavy alcohol consumption, prohibit drug use and can provide good cardiopulmonary exercise. The best way to stay healthy and avoid colds is to know there is a social event coming up soon. Swinging will get you out and about more often than any other hobby.

Reason 8
Play dress up. Yes! Finally an environment that gives you the opportunity to wear those daring dresses and leather lingerie. You can shop the adult catalogs and stores and have a place to show off. You will not get arrested, assaulted or laughed at. Most women and men enjoy dressing up and strutting their stuff.

Reason 7
Getting your fantasies fulfilled. Two ladies? Three men? Same sex? Intimate moment with a stranger? Being watched? Watching others? Large piles of anonymous flesh? If you can fantasize about it, the swing lifestyle can help fulfill it. Swing is about consensual and discreet participants hosting your fantasy.

Reason 6
Improve your sexual technique. You and your partner may be very adept lovers but you don’t know what you don’t know. Some things need to be seen and practiced, not just read about.

Reason 5
Staying “attractive” is good for you. Nothing is more motivation to stay on a diet, or exercise then the prospect of a swing party. Many times we stop maintaining our attractiveness when we settle in a relationship. If we want to be “swappable” we need to shake that up. This is not always just about looking like a “10″ but attractiveness is about the attitude of a “10.”

Reason 4
Satisfy your appetite for variety. You probably have a loving, wonderful, sexy partner but why limit yourself? Big muscles, big boobs, shapely butt or pendulous penis, blondes, red heads, brunette or bald, on top, on bottom, on the side, it is all out there. Life is a smorgasbord of delights. Step up to the feast!

Reason 3
Good friends. Nothing outside your own family is more valuable than friendship. If you are one of the lucky ones, you have a few really good friends. Stick around swingers for a while and you will find several more. This intimate lifestyle is the perfect venue for meeting other couples that truly share your interests and approach to life.

Reason 2
Better friends. The sad truth is jealousy; envy and similar sexual issues break friendships among couples. The second best reason to swing is the positive effects it can have on friendships. There is no reason to hide your desire for your friend”s partner when that desire is openly welcomed. There is no reason to be fearful of your partner having an affair behind your back when you enjoy watching and joining in. It is fantastic when everyone is relaxed and real; the sexual tensions are removed from the friendship.

The Top Reason To Consider Swinging IsNewbies Guide to Swinging-Ten Reasons to be a Swinger

“The couple that plays together….” You have heard talk of “non-monogamous” lifestyles. This is different. If swinging were just about freely having sex with other people it would not need a special name. What makes swinging special is that couples do it together.

There are very few things that draw partners together better than the social and sexual sharing of swinging. You may be thinking that you might not want to share your partner with someone else, consider that when you and your partner go to the movies together, you are not sharing them with the movie, rather the two of you share the experience of watching the movie. Shared experiences are the building blocks of a strong relationship. We are not suggesting you share your partner with anyone. We are suggesting that you share with each other the joys of experiencing other people mentally, emotionally and physically.

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

What to Expect on Your First Visit to a Swing Club

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Barbi Leigh & Ken
Newbies Guide-What to Expect on Your First Visit to a Swing ClubMost people have the wrong idea of what a swing club is. Many think that it’s just one big orgy; that you check your clothes at the door and then dive right in, doing anything you want with whomever you like. This is completely not the case! More than anything else, it’s a social club where you’ll meet and form friendships with some of the nicest people you’ve ever meet. In some cases, you’ll form bonds that will last a lifetime.

Here’s how it works…

When you walk into a swing club for the very first time, you and / or your partner are probably very nervous. You don’t know anyone there and you might feel like everyone is watching you. That’s a good sign! That means you’re normal. That’s exactly how everyone feels their first time.

You might expect a lot when you first come to a club and that’s probably the biggest cause of anxiety for first time visitors. I realize that for many men it’s hard to not think about fulfilling all your fantasies about orgies and threesomes. That could be a huge mistake. As a first time visitor, wives are usually more nervous about the evening, and one sure way to add fuel to that nervous fire is for her to see her husband bouncing off the walls with excitement about jumping into an orgy or looking overly anxious about being with someone new.

The best way to approach the evening is with only one single expectation, and that is to have a fun time together. For your first visit to a swing club, plan on just having a nice dinner and enjoying the sexually charged dance floor. This way you’ll both be completely comfortable, she’s not worried about him wanting to dive into the first orgy he sees, and he’s not worried about deciding who is worthy of touching his precious wife.

Then one (or a few) of the following things will definitely happen…

1 – At the end of the night after dinner and dancing, you will both go home with each other and after dancing all evening in such a sexually charged environment you will both have the best mind-blowing orgasms during your love-making that you’ve had in years, probably recharging your sex life and supercharging your relationship and your marriage.

2 – While on the crowded dance floor, during one of the slow songs, you’re dancing together and an attractive couple is dancing beside you and her clothes are coming off. You find her body rubbing against yours on the dance floor. You both respond by touching and caressing them back. Then after the song, you disappear into the crowd enjoying the excitement of the nameless pleasure of this slight, yet sexy, anonymous encounter.

3 – You are both so turned on by the evening that you go into one of the many cozy, private rooms, lock the door behind you and dim the chandelier. Then, seeing each Newbies Guide to Swinging-Your First Visit to a Swing Clubother in the mirrors that surround you, enjoy great sex together. Knowing that right on the other side of the wall, another couple (or threesome, foursome or moresome) is doing the same. In fact you can even hear their sexy sounds through the walls, which multiplies your excitement.

4 – You both decide to be a little adventurous. You secure your clothes in a locker and wrap up in two giant beach towels, both provided complimentary by the playroom attendant. You go to the giant Jacuzzi for a bit where you can enjoy being naked. Since you’re shy, on your first visit you feel more comfortable being in the water where your hands can roam, playing with each other (and maybe others too) under water. Although not in obvious plain view of everyone, others might be engaged in all sorts of easily viewable activities in the Jacuzzi, your play brings you close to climax.

5 – You both know that you want to see more, but you’re not sure about how much you want to participate in. So wrapped in your little security blanket beach towels you venture into the main upstairs “Luvnasium” party complex. One gigantic mattress covering several entire rooms, surrounded by mirrored walls with tropical plants, lighting, ceiling fans and naked bodies, lots of them. You don’t get on the mattress, but instead you find a comfortable viewing location, close enough to easily view all the exciting activities in the room down below you, yet far enough away to accommodate your comfort zone. You feel like you’re part of the activities though not needing to participate in them. It’s like you’re sitting in an adult theater watching the most erotic orgy you’ve ever seen, except this time it isn’t a movie. The action is real and live!

6 – You see the couple you were slow dancing beside on the dance floor. There is room next to them so you spread your beach towels out on the mattress beside them and lay down. You begin kissing and playing with your mate, when after a little while the pretty girl of the couple beside you gently touches your arm to extend an invitation to touch them back. You respond to her touch not really knowing yet how much touching or caressing will take place, but knowing full well that either couple can say no at any time and set any limits they desire. Maybe the ladies only touch each other while the men each pleasure their own wives. Maybe the men are massaging both the ladies’ entire bodies or maybe the ladies are stroking the other man while having sex with her husband. Who knows what might happen on this special magical night, it’s all up to you and those involved with you. Maybe she might enjoy giving you oral while her husband services her from behind, you’ll be sure to see plenty of that going on. And maybe you’ll engage in full partner sharing with a complete exchange of partners. It’s entirely up to you and those involved, this is your night, you set your own limits.

At the end of the night, maybe you’ll exchange phone numbers with this other couple or maybe you’ll just enjoy seeing them at “Your” club once in a while. Remember, it’s all up to you.

Rules to live by for a guaranteed great time…

Newbies Guide-First Visit to a Swingers Club1 – The Golden Rule: “NO means NO.” Anyone may say “NO” for any reason, at any time even if you are in the middle of a swinging encounter and have changed your mind and want to stop it right there! If you are in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, just say “NO.” Do not jeopardize your happiness and satisfaction with this LifeStyle, or that of your partner, by doing something against your will just because you are afraid to say no. The friendliest way is to say, “oh no thank you, but thanks for asking.”  Be honest initially, and you will avoid any misunderstandings. Don’t forget that people’s attitudes change and who knows? Maybe sometime in the future you may meet again with a different opinion.

2 – Always treat one another with respect. After all, this is a party! Besides, you don’t want to be rude or judgmental, because you wouldn’t want it to happen to you. If a single gentleman talks to you and you are interested in swinging with couples only, that doesn’t mean you can’t be nice to him. He’s a person just like you! Just politely let him know.

3 – If you are rejected (and it happens to everyone, including women), do not take personal offense. Rejection is a very personal thing, and it’s almost as hard to reject as it is to be rejected. Honesty with each other is crucial. Who knows? You could end up with a great friendship if you handle the situation right.

4 – Deal with jealousy head on! It is a normal reaction. Remember that this is strictly a physical & recreational pleasure, not an emotional one. Discover what triggers jealousy in your relationship and work it out together. It may mean modifying your activities, but your relationship together is not worth jeopardizing over swinging.

5 – Always let your steady partner know she or he is number one. Arrive together, take time to caress them, touch base often; it makes one feel secure. And always leave together.

6 – Use your common sense and good judgment when you are involved in a swinging situation. Be kind, thoughtful and sensitive. Swingers, couples & single guys are people and have feelings too!

7 – Honor any and all prior understandings and rules you have made between each other, and be sure to communicate with each other openly and honestly so there are no misunderstandings about your rules.

8 – Respect the guidelines you set as a couple and communicate them to prospective partners. Open, honest communication is imperative to forming relationships! And please don’t forget to respect the guidelines of others. Don’t try to “talk them into” changing their rules because you don’t happen to agree with them!

9 – Pay attention to body language. There is more to interaction than words. Consider the body language of the person you are talking with and it will tell you more than the conversation you are having! Be sensitive to the person and you will know what makes them uncomfortable or happy and excited.

10 – Demand absolute discretion and be worthy of the same. Discretion is paramount in this LifesStyle! Privacy is imperative! Never, ever discuss details inappropriately. Everything you do, everything you see, must remain private. We have a saying, “Everything you see here, everything you hear here, must remain here when you leave here.”

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Writing The Perfect Personal Ad

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Geoff
Newbies Guide-Writing The Perfect Personal AdLike anything else, if you want to get something out of a personal ad, especially an ad for couples, then you have to put something into it.

Have you ever looked for a car in the classifieds? What would you do if you saw one that just said “59 Ford?” “59 Ford what? ” is what I would ask myself. Rather than calling the owner to find out if there was air conditioning, a CD player, faded paint, cracked windows or how many miles were on the vehicle, most of us would skip the ad and go on to the next one. Personal ads are the same way. You have to give your prospective playmates something to pursue.

Here’s a hopeful suggestion to take some of the pain out of trying to find the perfect words for the perfect couple (singles also apply); take some mental notes on profiles that you like and incorporate them into your own profile. You aren’t competing with Shakespeare. Write one sentence at a time. Just use your own words and let it flow.

Creativity sparks interest. Maybe instead of saying “we like to watch pornos,” try “we would love to have the right couple over to watch Vanessa del Rio’s Greatest Orgasms DVD on our 130 inch high definition TV.”  Or rather than “my tits are 34B,” try “my husband loves to flick his tongue on my perky peaches with their hard strawberry-colored nipples.” Or one of my personal favorites, “If you’re horny and you know it, clap your hands.”  Lose the Ken and Barbie cliché. Nobody’s perfect, and most of us would rather play with people instead of dolls. Don’t be afraid to be a little bit different.

How many of us have gotten all hot and bothered about a couple only to meet them and immediately think, “holy, shit! This isn’t the kind of couple we wanted?”  Was it the perception that you got from their profile or the perception that they got from yours? Probably a combination of both. Adding general but important detail on either side may help you avoid needlessly wasting time for all. Don’t be afraid to mention that you have asthma and that meeting in a smoky bar might not be a good idea. Include in your ad if goatees are a huge turn off or that you have fourteen kids and can’t entertain or that great big asses remind you of your bitchy mother-in-law.
It can be argued that creating an ad for couples is four times as difficult as creating one for singles. In most cases both you and your spouse (or significant other) have to like both members of the other couple. In turn, both of them have to like both of you if any fun is to be had at all. Try to include an equal amount of information for each of you in your profile.

Newbies Guide To Swinging-Writing a Personal AdAn equal amount of pictures of both of you is also nice to see. I get very wary when I read a nice ad, then see ten pictures of the female and none of the male. Looking at ten different poses of the same person in the same outfit doesn’t do much to create excitement either. And, while taking close-ups of cocks (it can make them look larger, just like the burger commercials on TV) and pussies can add to the spousal thrill, looking at them is like looking at a picture of a spot on a leopard. They are all different, but not much fun to gaze at. Use a variety of facial close-ups and full body shots, with and without clothing. Glamor shots aren’t necessary and are especially hard to get when taking pictures of sexual action. It is nice, however, to see at least one picture with makeup on a lady and a picture of the man without his Harley. Refrain from using wedding pictures. Nobody looks that good anymore, unless you got married to your favorite swinging single the day before.

How much detail is necessary? Enough to spark interest, but not so much that you kill a chance of meeting a decent couple. Unfortunately, there is not an overabundance us who are so drop dead gorgeous that we have to hire a personal secretary to sift through mountains of responses on a daily basis. In case you are so hot as to make others wish that they look like you in their wildest fantasies, then you’ll probably want to be very specific about your requirements so as to steer clear of lots of thanks-but-no-thanks answers. For the rest of us, the trick is to appear open enough to generate interest while at the same time be detailed enough to attract likely playmates. If you have had an ad for quite some time and don’t feel that you are catching the attention of those that you want, feel free to change some words or phrases, while not making yourselves look like people that you aren’t. Sometimes, no matter how much you drool over what you think is a supremely compatible couple, they just won’t be interested. Don’t sweat it. Simply move on.

Spellcheck… use it. Enough said.

Remember the “59 Ford? Maybe now it reads: For sale, “59 Ford pickup truck for use in an open field on a starry night. Included are a mid 40′s couple, naked and dripping with desire. He is bisexual, and (with the aid of a handful of Viagra) will stay hard for hours. She is straight, and while she doesn’t mind rubbing butts with another female while howling at the moon, she will not turn into a Lickolotapuss on request. We love to enjoy a Big Mac with a glass of Merlot before sex. Looking for a like couple whose main source of entertainment is NOT farting the theme song to Snow White. Hard passionate kissing is desired but not mandatory. He is wanting the female to be unshaven and the male to have at least half of his natural teeth. Her only requirement is that the male walk upright. Truck has very good suspension and we will even provide a mattress if desired. Will respond to all inquiries. Don’t be afraid, get laid!

There is no exact science for creating a personal ad or profile. But with a little bit of time, effort, and creativity, you can increase your responses dramatically and hopefully get some quality along with the quantity that will make your swinging experience a good one.

Filed Under: Newbies Guide To Swinging Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Newbie Couple: Soft Swap Or Full Swap?

June 22, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. R. Lindsey,

We are a happily married couple of many years and newbies in the lifestyle. We have vacationed at a swingers’ resort and tremendously enjoyed the sexually charged atmosphere. We have watched other couples swap partners for erotic fun including all out intercourse. So you could say we have done some “soft swinging” but have yet to swap partners with another couple in bed for sex. We are eager to move to this full-swap/intercourse phase where we can sexually interact with other couples and enjoy sex with a variety of partners. We have a couple of questions for you that would help us newbies:

1. As newbies do you recommend that we get our first partner swap sexual experience with an experienced couple or should ne work with other newbies to fulfill our sexual fantasies?

2. We are close friends with many couples for a number of years. When we socialize we kiss, tease, dance and have lots of fun, all without swapping partners for sex. We would like so swap partners with some of the friends for erotic fun in the nude and sexual intercourse. However, we do not know how to go about ascertaining which couples are open to the idea of swapping mates in bed for sex. We are looking for suggestions for querying these couples that would elicit a response in a non threatening manner.

We are looking for your suggestions. Thanks for your help.

Newbie Couple.

 

Dear Newbie Couple,

Couples Questions-Full Swap-Soft Swap

In response to the first of your questions, I suggest that as you move toward your first full swap experience, approach it as an exploratory and experimental journey and review your rules first. Next, seek out a more experienced couple to mentor you. Be honest and open. Let them know this is new for you. In out experience, our Lifestyle mentors took extra care to see to our safety, comfort, and pleasure. It is always best to have an experienced guide when traveling to a new place.

In response to part two of your question I encourage you to approach long-term friends with caution. If they are not in the Lifestyle, approach the topic with great care. You may begin to share your experiences in a non-threatening manner. Tell some stories of your Lifestyle experiences and gage their response. We have many “plain vanilla” friends that enjoy being naked in the hot tub, shared massage, and dirty dancing, but have no interest or are not confident enough as a couple to be in the Lifestyle. Don’t sacrifice a good friendship by potentially offending or intimidating another couple. The Lifestyle isn’t for everybody nor does it have to be.

Good journey,

Dr. R. Lindsey

Filed Under: Lifestyle Couples Questions Tagged With: , , , , , , ,