Concerned Friends

June 30, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Dear Dr. R. Lindsey,

We are a professional couple in our 40′s and have been in the lifestyle for two-years. We have made many friendships and enjoy our “swing time.” However, we also have many long standing friendships with couples not in the lifestyle. We are open with most of them and they look forward to hearing about our adventures in swinging. Recently one couple has indicated a desire to explore the lifestyle and yet we feel uneasy about it. We notice that they are often angry with one another and very jealous. What should we do?

Sincerely,
Concerned Friends

Dear Concerned Friends,

Your caution is well founded. The Lifestyle is intriguing to many people, but it is not suitable for most. Your best approach is to have a discussion with this couple and educate them about how the Lifestyle can quickly bring a prepared couple together or tear an unprepared couple apart. Focus on the need for great communication, well developed self-esteem, and how to manage one’s jealous feelings. The Lifestyle is not the answer to a challenging relationship. However it may be a great enhancement to a stable and caring relationship.

Be well,
Dr. R. Lindsey,

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How To Enjoy A LifeStyle Convention

June 29, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Bob & Tess, Naughty in N’Awlins

Newbie Swingers-Lifestyle ConventionsThe editors of LifeStyle Magazine asked us to write an article entitled “How to enjoy a lifestyle convention.” So, we spent an exhaustive year researching this subject so we could put together a sure fire guide to having a great time while at such an event. Now this may seem like a dream job, but let me tell you, its not easy spending hour after hour trapped in play rooms, judging wet “Tease” shirt contests, attending erotic seminars, meeting and dancing with over one thousand open minded, friendly, warm, giving , sexy and sharing couples. But because we love these guys, we sucked it up and went to work.

1. Conventions rule! Conventions are the best place for beginners to “test the waters,” because of the informative seminars and the sheer number of experienced couples to meet and get to know. They are also the best place for experienced couples to make new acquaintances, catch up with old friends and have a venue to party all weekend long.

2. Education: Conventions offer a wide range of seminars from “dealing with jealousy,” STD’s, erotic massage, photography, polyamory, BDSM, building communication, and on and on. You can’t find this kind of a resource at a local club or resort. Make sure you schedule time to attend some (or many) of these great seminars.

3. Forget the education, let’s party: Hey, seminars are great but we’re here to party! With dances, contests, entertainment and of course hospitality rooms, there are so many choices for a couple to have a fun time, the only real question is “when do we sleep?”

4. Speaking of hospitality suites, some conventions have special “Hospitality Suites.” What are these suites you ask? A place to get a snack? Sometimes. A place to meet people after the dance? Yes, and more. Much, much more. Hospitality suites are areas that most would consider the “on-premise” party area. You can head to this area to play, watch, be watched and best of all you don’t have to get your own room dirty. So grab your “essentials kit” (more on this later), a sense for adventure and head to the hospitality suites.

5. Newbies Guide-Lifestyle ConventionsSmile: This is the single greatest piece of advice we can give you. We have seen so many nervous couples sitting by themselves, wishing someone would come up and talk with them, but they are unknowingly putting people off with an unapproachable look. Just smile. It’s so simple, yet it will make you so much more approachable. We are looking for fun, happy and secure couples, if you are looking sad, we’ll move on until we see someone smiling and having a great time.

6. You’ll get out of this, what you put into it: Talk to each other about what you expect from this weekend and then “go for it”. The minute you arrive, the clock starts to tick away. You only have a few short days to have fun and then the convention is over. Get out, meet people, participate in silly games and contests and have some fun. The party won’t come to you.

7. Put together an “essentials kit”: Tess has a great little black bag with everything we need to help get us through the night. Inside we have our room key (or anyone else’s we may happen to come across), some money for cocktails, condoms (at least three different sizes!), a small bottle of lube (very important), her silver bullet (in case of emergencies), Tylenol or Excedrin Quicktabs (someone always needs these), mints and of course a little blue diamond shaped pill (hey, if it works for Bob Dole). You can accessorize your kit by adding rabbit fur, vibrators, dildos, duct tape (for you McGyver’s out there) or whatever else might make your evening memorable. You can remember these motto’s: “be prepared (Boy Scouts) or “adapt & improvise” (Marines) but Tess prefers: Semper Paratus, which is Latin for the Coast Guard’s motto “always ready.”

These are just a few things Tess & I learned as we attended most of the conventions during the last few years. I hope passing on some of these tips will help you add to your experience while you are here. Remember, no matter what experiences you may encounter during this weekend, when it’s over, you will be heading home with your partner so keep the lines of communication open and show some respect and you can’t go wrong.

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LifeStyle Paradox…Always Discuss Things With Your Partner

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin 1 Comment

Newbies Guide-Lifestyle ParadoxMy wife and I have been in the LifeStyle for several years. We’ve been to many clubs, parties, conventions and resorts. We have played with more than a few couples and singles and have not had a jealous moment in a long time. I was quite surprised at a recent, non-lifestyle event, which struck a jealous bone.

We’re very secure in our relationship and only play together; it’s more fun that way. We recently hired a male to come to our home and give us both a massage. He came out a few times and everything was fine. He brought his own table,
oils and all the stuff you need, but didn’t have a sheet for us to cover up with. I usually strip down naked for a massage since I’m under a sheet. Since there was no sheet, I decided to keep my boxers on. My wife kept her thong on, but went topless.

Being secure in my masculinity, not to mention that we are open about our bodies, active in the lifestyle and frequent nude beaches; I didn’t have any problem with her being topless, at least not at first.

As two or three weeks went by, one session per week, I began to notice that my entire massage was given with me on my tummy. My wife’s massage was given half face down, half face up. Now, I have lower back problems, which the masseur is aware of, so I blew this off as him just spending more time on my back. One time the masseur came to our house, I happened to walk by the massage table while he was massaging her, but he appeared to be massaging her breast. Not groping or anything overly sexual, but more than what I considered normal. I know there are muscles in there, but it caught me as unacceptable for the masseur to massage my wife’s exposed breast. On my way back by a few minutes later, he was still working on the breast, quite a long time I thought. I’m not sure if jealousy is the correct term, as I don’t really think I was jealous as much as I felt this person was taking advantage of the situation and getting a bit of pleasure for himself.

I discussed this later with my wife; she didn’t realize what was going on. After a 10 minute discussion, she agreed that it was not acceptable conduct by the masseur and agreed to wear a top the next time. We’ve played with single males in the past and enjoyed it very much, but this was not the type of encounter we look for. Maybe as a fantasy, but never in reality.
We still use the same masseur and have not had any problems. It’s quite possible that he knew we were swingers; we’re listed on several websites and have adult material all over the house. Her being topless and having an open personality could easily appear inviting, but it’s still not appropriate. Just like it’s not OK to grab a naked lady at a club, without permission, it’s not OK to touch an exposed breast without asking.

So, the moral of this story is that you should always discuss things with your partner. Keep an open line of communication and head off any problems as early as possible.

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Rule Making and Breaking, Tips Every Couple Should Know

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Dr. R. Lindsey
Newbies Guide to Swinging-Rule Making and BreakingBeing a happy and healthy couple in the Lifestyle requires a lot of love, trust, flexibility and energy. Couples that enjoy the Lifestyle to the fullest have one thing in common, they know “The Rules.” Now these are not a book of rules on how to find the perfect mate, or how to manipulate your significant other, these are the rules that you create TOGETHER.  However, getting started on creating your rules requires some organization and we hope this article helps to get you started.

Here are two simple questionnaires to help you get started on an important discussion you need to have with your partner. I suggest you read this article, then each of you complete your part of the survey in private. Afterword, compare notes and discuss your answers. If the discussion results in an argument, you may want to reconsider your interest in the lifestyle.

RULE 1:
Know Your Self: Knowing yourself is where it all starts. There are many questions one might ask to get to know yourself better. Basic questions include:

  • Why am I interested in the LifeStyle?
  • What types of relationships am I looking for?
  • What activities will I engage in?
  • What activities am I willing to explore?
  • What activities will I not engage in?
  • Who will I play with?

RULE 2:
Know Your Partner: Remember you are in this together. Basic questions include:

  • Why is your partner interested in the Lifestyle?
  • What types of relationships is your partner looking for?
  • What activities will your partner engage in?
  • What activities is your partner willing to explore?
  • What activities will your partner not engage in?
  • Who will your partner play with?

An Experience: When You Assume.

A moderately experienced couple is attending a house party with eight other couples and one single female. As the evening progresses the single female is spending a lot of time and paying a lot of attention to a husband. As people become more playful, the single female takes the husband by the hand and leads him into the other room for some “private time.” The next morning the wife is quiet and moody. The husband inquires “What’s wrong?” The wife begins to cry and states “I can’t believe you left the party to be alone with that girl. I don’t even know why the bitch was invited.” The husband responded in a surprised fashion asking “What did I do wrong?”
Rule review (if they had rules).

  • Full Swap – OK
  • Different Rooms – OK
  • Single Female – Not OK

RULE 3:
Share What You Have Learned: A simple process is to discuss your individual responses to the questionnaire. Do not approach this conversation as a negotiation. Approach it as an opportunity to learn more about each other’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

Newbies Guide to Swinging-Tips Couple Should KnowRULE 4:
Create Rules You Can Love With: It is important to create a set of rules that make you both comfortable. Typically, one partner is more adventurous than the other. As you begin this process together it will require flexibility and patience. Remember, one’s exploration of the Lifestyle is a process. Things begin to evolve quickly and your rules will change
over time.
An Experience: Too Much Too Soon
A couple is attending an on-premise club for the first time. They shyly watch the activities in the “hospitality suites for a while.” After a few drinks they decide to take a chance and begin to become intimate with one another in a semi private room. Another couple joins them and the environment becomes very erotic. In the heat of the moment, the wife reaches out to the other couple. She slowly moves toward the other man and mounts him as his wife massages her back. Her husband is stunned, left alone; he grabs his clothes, gets up, and abruptly leaves the room.

Rule review.

  • Voyeurism – OK
  • Exhibitionism – OK
  • Intercourse with a stranger – Not OK
  • Ignoring her husband – Not OK

RULE 5:
Don’t Break the Rules: If you agree to a set of rules, stick to them. Don’t change them in the in the heat of the moment. If you feel that you are ready to go beyond your rules, stop and discuss this with your partner. The best time to explore your rules is during the time you spend reviewing your experiences.

RULE 6:
Take Time to Review Your Experiences: This is very important. Share what you enjoyed and didn’t enjoy, and what you may be willing to try. These discussions may be the most intimate and exciting discussions that you may ever have. Reliving passionate experiences can be very erotic.
An Experience:
The Morning After
A couple is lying in bed after a night of very playful fun with two couples that they like a lot. They begin to talk about the evening’s events, the food, the music, and the sex. The wife indicates that during the evening she explored her first bi-sensual experience and really enjoyed it. As she shares the details of this experience they both become aroused and make the most of the morning. The wife indicates that she may wish to explore bi-sensuality more at the next gathering.

RULE 7:
Take Time to Revise Your Rules: Your rules may change due a variety of reasons. If you are having difficulties in your relationship, you may wish to tighten things up or take a break. Illness, financial issues, and the stress of everyday life may also impact your rules.

If things are going well, you may wish to expand your rules. If you are experiencing a surge in confidence, the excitement of new friendships, or the comfort of familiar playmates, you may wish to make general and/or specific revisions to your rules.

Either way, enter this knowing that your individual and collective preferences will change and grow in a healthy and happy manner if you work together as a team.

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Fabulous Firsts…..A Tale of Tricks & Treats

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin 1 Comment

Written by David Lawrence
Newbies Guide to Swinging-Fabulous Firsts“We were dating for eight months when it came time for Halloween,” says Andrea. “Mike and I decided that we’d throw a party for couples only, all good friends but none in the LifeStyle. At least none we knew about. As added entertainment, we thought it would be a fun surprise to invite an exotic dancer who would show up at midnight and do her thing for the crowd. Well, she sure showed – and she sure did her thing.”

Here’s how it all went down… The guests arrived about 8 pm in a perfectly predictable Halloween assortment of costumed couples: there was a swashbuckling pirate and his damsel, a wildly silly cross-dressing duo, a pair of political spoofers, two grotesque monsters, and a couple of Q-tips with Andrea and Mike, humorously wardrobed as circus clowns. “Things were totally normal,” Mike says, “We were having an enjoyable time. The food was great. People were telling stories about past Halloweens they recalled as kids. We were dancing a bit, but nothing very alluring. “However, when the doorbell rang at midnight, the party really began. The most sexy witch imaginable swept into the room, humping her broom!”

Bewitched on the Wild Side

“She really was a `bewitching’ beauty,” says Andrea. “She had a lacey black dress on; it was long but had slits up both legs. She had a cape over that, a wide black hat, and long black gloves. She carried a glowing jack-o-lantern with a fearsome face carved out. Her makeup wasn’t horrific, though. Instead, it was expertly applied for what would be an otherwise elegant evening. And her blond hair was thick and long, and contrasted gorgeously with the rest of her outfit. I couldn’t help but get caught up by her looks… costume and occasion aside.” The guests didn’t know what to make of the witch’s appearance at first. Some figured she was a late-arriving invitee. Some thought an over-grown trick or treater. Some just figured she was lost. No one expected what followed, even Andrea and Mike.

The wondrous witch began to dance to the pre-arranged music she provided a week earlier as part of a pre-party meeting with the hosts. Amidst the circle of guests in the living room, as Andrea and Mike requested, she danced and bumped and ground away by herself, enjoying her own gyrations. “No doubt, the immediate reaction was shock,” Mike says. “But shock, combined with the effects of a few hours of alcohol, probably kept people from walking out of the room. “We had agreed our witch would only invite Mike up to dance with her,” Andrea recalls. “That was the arrangement and we’d see where things went from there.” And so that’s what happened. At first.

“I couldn’t believe how turned on I got seeing her dance with my boyfriend,” Andrea says. “I wasn’t even registering others’ reactions as she began to take off her clothing and also started to strip Mike. I was just lost in my own erotic sensations, being a voyeur to what was turning into a live sex show. Then I joined in.”

As Andrea and Mike report, their threesome frolicked and fondled to the music, partially undressed, while everyone sat glued, in full costume. After a few dances, the wondrous witch turned to the others and invited everyone to join in. And most did, surprisingly, though one couple did exit quietly. The beat went on. The group’s gyrations intensified, and pirates’ pants melded with monsters’ masks in corners of the room. “Our guests became very un-costumed,” Andrea laughs. “But not unhinged.”

Mike says that it was his turn to be shocked as the witch and the women played on the dance floor, hugging each other, rubbing breasts, kissing. The men mostly watched while trying to join in the dancing. But after a while, the women became irresistible and the guys, cautiously, even “gentlemanly,” as Mike puts it, put their hands in, feeling their own partners, initially, but then getting bolder and reaching out for other women.

The music continued, the witch heated things up by moving among the dancers, men and women. The action got wilder. “It didn’t become quite a full-blast orgy,” Mike says, “But we had some kind of very hot sexual scene going on, with varying degrees of heat.”

As one of the guys later said, “I was in my own soft porn world; just exhilarated by how free I felt.” “The crowd got really turned on, more than we could have imagined,” Andrea says, “We had our own little lifestyle group.” And the festivities lasted until dawn.

As for the aftermath, Mike and Andrea think that, for most of the couples, their Halloween trick and treat was a one-time burst of uninhibited bliss. But for one other couple and themselves, their impromptu and largely unintended introduction into swinging has continued ever since.

“Mike and I talked for weeks afterwards, as a couple, and also with some of the others from our party,” she says. “I’m most happy to say we’ve stayed friends with everyone. No one got upset, even the couple who left early. They figured how things might evolve and just decided it wasn’t for them. In fact, they were curious about what actually occurred, and we told them over dinner with lots of laughs.”

“I think the best result,” Mike summarizes, “is that Andrea and I really explored our feelings, actions, and reactions to the party. We both admitted how much we enjoyed it. And we soon took up our more serious efforts to enjoy the fun side of the LifeStyle on a regular basis.”

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East vs West… The European Way

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin 1 Comment

Written by Olaf
Swingers View-The European WayHave you ever been to Europe? For all of the readers who have visited this other continent, they will agree, that you notice lots of differences instantly when you leave the airport and for example “hit the Autobahn” in Germany.

People not only talk a different language, they live a completely different lifestyle as well. We are a German couple and both of us grew up and lived in Germany for a long time. For the past 10 years we have resided in the U.S. and that is where we started to get involved with the so called lifestyle or you could just say being swingers. We still remember our first visit to a local club here in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. My husband told me to dress sexy, he himself put on a dressy shirt and some nice pants. Since we really had no idea what to expect, we were kind of surprised, to find a nice bar area, a spacious dance floor, loud contemporary music playing and lots of normal looking people, who just enjoyed the social aspect of the whole situation.

One of the friendly staff members gave us a tour around the club, showing us the locker rooms and play rooms, which were completely separated from the, let’s call it “social playground.”  We liked it, especially the fact that we felt comfortable enough to hang around for a few hours, without the feeling, that we had to interact or do something as a “newbie.”
Six years have passed since then and we still enjoy going out for a club night, sometimes just for a social evening, to meet friends for a drink and dinner, other times for a sexy, playful night.

Our last vacation we spent in Germany and decided to explore the European Swinger scene. Neither one of us had ever visited a German Swingers club before, so we picked two clubs that were recommended by some friends of ours. We pulled up their websites, to get some more information, about the location as well as the house rules, etc. The cover charge for a single evening is pretty similar to the U.S. clubs, but that’s about where the similarities end. The site said “Woman dress sexy” and “Men dress sexy too!”  My husband looked at me stunned “What do they mean?” he asked. So we browsed through the member pictures to get an idea and went shopping for “sexy” men’s wear the next day.

The big day came and we entered the club, covered in a coat, scarf, long pants and boots, since the outside temperatures didn’t quite allow to just walk around, wearing a hint of nothing. Once inside the club, we found ourselves in a big locker room, where we were able to unwrap and finally show off our sexy outfits. Thankfully, the room was nicely heated.

Swingers View-East vs WestThe club owner greeted us personally, we paid our cover charge and he led us into the club room. Wow, what a difference! Cozy sofa areas with candlelight and couch tables. Background music and a small area that would allow some dancing, but nobody was dancing.

People were gathered in little groups around the tables and bar area. There were no more than 12 couples and a few singles, which, as we found out later that evening, was a perfectly average crowd for a Saturday night. The main room wasn’t very big or spacious, although it had quite an intimate atmosphere.

We went to the bar to get a drink and a few minutes later some of the other club guests approached us to introduce themselves, since new faces are rarely seen. We were happy to notice, that the typically stubborn Germans were so outgoing and talkative. We’d like to mention at this point, that it seems to be a lot harder to strike a conversation or to really meet new people in an American club. Maybe it’s just because of the usually very loud music there.

We felt very comfortable after just few minutes there, especially my husband, after he saw that he wasn’t the only man wearing “sexy” men’s wear! Drinks and a Dinner-buffet were included in the cover charge, so there was no need to B.Y.O.B. Beverages, beer, wine, as well as a variety of hard liqueurs were offered. As is customary in Europe, no tips were needed or expected.

After a while we were, of course, curious to see the play rooms, so we wandered off to explore the rest of the facility. There were different little theme rooms, each one uniquely designed and decorated with love; cozy and quite inviting. A few couples were playing already, but their was no traffic jam. For the ones who liked it hot, there was a sauna. For the ones who needed to relax or loosen up, free massages were offered. Last but not least, we found clean, spacious shower rooms for both genders, to freshen up after a steamy encounter.

That evening we happened to meet some wonderful people and left the club not too late, maybe around 2 a.m., with a happy grin on our faces.

Overall we thought that this night was definitely different from a club night in Fort Lauderdale. Not necessarily better, just very different. The club had more the touch of a private party with an intimate setting. Although the same swinger rules apply everywhere, we’re pretty sure that anybody who’s new to the Lifestyle, would prefer an American club for their first night out, due to the fact that the facilities in the U.S. are generally set up for a larger crowd, more like a regular night club.

To all the swingers who are already a little more outgoing and like to comfortably present themselves in an intimate setting surrounded by strangers, we’d like to say “You have to see this! Enjoy the European way!”

www.swingfreunde.de

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The Soft Side of Swinging…

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin 2 Comments

Written by David Lawrence
That’s not exactly the first thing you want to hear at a LifeStyle club. But that’s the joking response Joan and Bob got when they told another couple they were “soft swingers.”  Before we probe further (forgive the pun): “soft swinging” refers to the range of playful, sexual activities, other than exchanging partners for intercourse.

And quite a range it is!

Soft swingers define themselves as people who simply enjoy being voyeurs, or those who just like groping and gaping on the dance floor (and staying vertical!), or couples who say they”ll do most anything up to having intercourse with someone other than their date, partner or spouse.

Here”s Why Bother

Newbies Guide To Swinging-Soft SwingersJoan and Bob love playing with others, on and off the dance floor, but want intercourse to be something they hold in reserve for their “one and only” special partner. It”s still all very pleasurable, they say, and really stimulates things when they get home. Joan is quick to add, “Except for that first encounter, everyone we’ve met in the LifeStyle has been completely understanding. “We’re up front about things, and we’ve never had a problem. People really respect our limits.”

Sarah and Steve have a similar opinion when it comes to the intercourse/intimacy factor. As Steve says, “We talked about this a lot. To be honest, I brought it up first because I was craving sexual variety. So we talked. And talked. And then discovered there’s a lot we can do within the lifestyle that feels good, very good, even to orgasm. But without intercourse.”

“We now have a small group of like-minded folks we’ve met at clubs and parties who feel the same,” Sarah notes, “and we get together for soft core play several times during the year.”

Anna and Jeff are a long-term married couple who enjoy spicing up their relationship with what they term, “harmless variety.”  The best part of the lifestyle, they say, is watching each other, “do a whole lot of dirty dancing at a club with others on the dance floor.”
“I love wearing sexy clothing,” Anna says, “and getting a group of women engaged on the dance floor. I lose myself in the flow and sensuality of the moment.” “And I really love watching all that,” Jeff emphasizes.

Tracey and Mick have what they term, “a rich fantasy life.” Soft swinging only enhances their fantasies, they say. “We find ourselves having lots of sexy conversations with people at clubs,” Tracey says, “and then we talk about things, together, for the whole week after we go. All that talk translates into some steamy nights at home.”

“Soft swinging meets our needs for sexual exploration,” Mick says. “We’re okay to watch and play around with others in rooms. There’s no mystery about how and why things can get so hot. After all, a lot of sex doesn’t involve intercourse.”

Newbies Guide-Soft SwingingLinda and her husband Ron have been soft swingers for six years. She’s also a licensed psychologist with an active family practice. Her professional take on soft swinging is that some LifeStyle couples don’t want to separate intimacy from sex. “It’s easier to set the rules and everyone can play because there’s something inhibiting or non-threatening for everyone,” she says. “For example, anyone can be a voyeur without being rejected. And it’s great fun to be an exhibitionist or simply cop a feel without more intense interaction.

“Soft swinging is also terrific for people just getting into the LifeStyle because you have can have lots of pleasure without taking lots of risk. And it doesn’t mean you’re going to end up going any further. Rubbing bodies on the dance floor without being serious can remain a lifetime pleasure. A side benefit is that you can tell non-LifeStyle people about your dirty dancing escapades “and don’t be surprised if you find yourselves very popular dinner guests!”

In sum, Linda’s perspective seems to be typical of soft swingers: the soft swinging LifeStyle offers an intriguing chance to expand sexual experiences without getting into a realm of intimacy that might create hurdles.

“We’re in the frame of mind that there are some things in the LifeStyle we’re comfortable about and some things we’re not,” Anna says. “There are boundaries we’re happy with, as individuals and as a couple. Defining those boundaries has been enlightening, especially since many couples never have conversations about their sexual desires, let alone try new things.
“In short, this is a way we can have our cake and eat it, too. Or suck it! Oops, was that too nasty to print?”

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Top Ten Reasons to be a Swinger

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Suzanne & Michael
Newbies Guide-Top Ten Reasons to be a SwingerI have written several articles about how fun sex can be and have been asked, why swing? Taking excerpts from our favorite authors Ed and Dana’s “Consider Swinging,” here are the top ten reasons to swing.

Remember Swinging is recreational sex. Responsible non-monogamy. Many couples bowl together for fun and recreation, swingers have sex for fun and recreation. Here is how it can work:

Reason 10
Enjoyable company. Swingers are the kind of people that are exciting and fun to be with. They are happy, honest, vibrant, intelligent, attractive and very friendly. Swingers enjoy being swingers all the time. The club environment is free but swingers are great fun at parties, picnics, movies, dinner, ball games and any place people go for fun and recreation. Everything’s better when shared with wonderful people.

Reason 9
A very healthy lifestyle. Most swinging scenes discourage heavy alcohol consumption, prohibit drug use and can provide good cardiopulmonary exercise. The best way to stay healthy and avoid colds is to know there is a social event coming up soon. Swinging will get you out and about more often than any other hobby.

Reason 8
Play dress up. Yes! Finally an environment that gives you the opportunity to wear those daring dresses and leather lingerie. You can shop the adult catalogs and stores and have a place to show off. You will not get arrested, assaulted or laughed at. Most women and men enjoy dressing up and strutting their stuff.

Reason 7
Getting your fantasies fulfilled. Two ladies? Three men? Same sex? Intimate moment with a stranger? Being watched? Watching others? Large piles of anonymous flesh? If you can fantasize about it, the swing lifestyle can help fulfill it. Swing is about consensual and discreet participants hosting your fantasy.

Reason 6
Improve your sexual technique. You and your partner may be very adept lovers but you don’t know what you don’t know. Some things need to be seen and practiced, not just read about.

Reason 5
Staying “attractive” is good for you. Nothing is more motivation to stay on a diet, or exercise then the prospect of a swing party. Many times we stop maintaining our attractiveness when we settle in a relationship. If we want to be “swappable” we need to shake that up. This is not always just about looking like a “10″ but attractiveness is about the attitude of a “10.”

Reason 4
Satisfy your appetite for variety. You probably have a loving, wonderful, sexy partner but why limit yourself? Big muscles, big boobs, shapely butt or pendulous penis, blondes, red heads, brunette or bald, on top, on bottom, on the side, it is all out there. Life is a smorgasbord of delights. Step up to the feast!

Reason 3
Good friends. Nothing outside your own family is more valuable than friendship. If you are one of the lucky ones, you have a few really good friends. Stick around swingers for a while and you will find several more. This intimate lifestyle is the perfect venue for meeting other couples that truly share your interests and approach to life.

Reason 2
Better friends. The sad truth is jealousy; envy and similar sexual issues break friendships among couples. The second best reason to swing is the positive effects it can have on friendships. There is no reason to hide your desire for your friend”s partner when that desire is openly welcomed. There is no reason to be fearful of your partner having an affair behind your back when you enjoy watching and joining in. It is fantastic when everyone is relaxed and real; the sexual tensions are removed from the friendship.

The Top Reason To Consider Swinging IsNewbies Guide to Swinging-Ten Reasons to be a Swinger

“The couple that plays together….” You have heard talk of “non-monogamous” lifestyles. This is different. If swinging were just about freely having sex with other people it would not need a special name. What makes swinging special is that couples do it together.

There are very few things that draw partners together better than the social and sexual sharing of swinging. You may be thinking that you might not want to share your partner with someone else, consider that when you and your partner go to the movies together, you are not sharing them with the movie, rather the two of you share the experience of watching the movie. Shared experiences are the building blocks of a strong relationship. We are not suggesting you share your partner with anyone. We are suggesting that you share with each other the joys of experiencing other people mentally, emotionally and physically.

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Your Doorway to the Lifestyle

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin 1 Comment

Written by Dr. R. Lindsey
Every journey begins with a first step. For “newbies” (a new couple) entry into the LifeStyle may begin through many different doorways. These doorways include but are not limited to: the Internet, personal ads in magazines, introduction by friends, going to an off-premise club, visiting an on-premise club, attending a house party, vacationing at a LifeStyle friendly resort, and attending a convention. This article will examine each of these “doorways” and explore the benefits and challenges of each.

The Internet

Newbies Guide-Your Doorway to the LifestyleThe Internet is by far the fastest and least expensive way to explore the LifeStyle. There are free and fee-for-service sites that provide educational information, calendars of events, chat rooms, and the ever popular personal profiles. The internet has expanded and connected our world in so many ways and has truly brought the LifeStyle out of the closet. Benefits of the Internet are that it provides a simple and safe way to learn about the LifeStyle and meet other couples.

However, the reliability of Internet sources and the large volume of information may be overwhelming. In researching this article I randomly selected a free local Yahoo Group for “swingers.” Upon examination it had over 1500 profiles with members from 32 states. Sifting through all the choices is a daunting task. In addition one must also maintain a “buyer beware” attitude when deciding to “internet date.” My wife and I have encountered couples whose photographs were ten years out of date, manipulated, or just posted under false pretenses. We have been “stood up” on more than one occasion and we have prepared to meet a couple only to encounter a single male or female. One must always take steps to ensure personal safety. Never go alone and always meet in a public venue.

Chat rooms and message boards are other methods of meeting singles and couples via the Internet. Most LifeStyle sites offer these services to get their members talking, answer questions, promote events, and sadly to gossip.

One could spend all day writing messages, responding to email, and chatting on line. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked in to this. Use the Internet as a tool. Do not let it replace direct communication and face to face interaction with others.

Personal Advertisements

Personal advertisements are the forerunners to Internet dating. Personal ads may be found in many LifeStyle focused magazines and periodicals. Typically the personal ad is more direct and to the point because you pay by the line. Personal ads may include photographs, physical descriptions and social and sexual preferences. This helps the reader pick and choose who to contact in a more deliberate fashion. However, the same benefits and challenges apply here as with Internet dating.

The Internet and personal ads are mass media approaches to learning about and entering the LifeStyle. Remember to use your head and be sensible in using these doorways.

Introduction by Friends

Many couples have told me that they “stumbled into the LifeStyle.” Often, they became aware of a couple that was in the LifeStyle, became curious, asked questions, and began to explore. Typically, one’s “friends” would not have brought it up if they didn’t feel that the novice couple was tolerant, open minded, and had the potential to enjoy the LifeStyle in a healthy manner.

Sometimes these initial conversations prompt invitations to small intimate gatherings, house parties, or trips to a local club. Having friends assist you as trusted tour guides can be very helpful in taking your first steps.

However, finding friends like this are rare. Most couples keep their LifeStyle activities private. In fact, it wasn’t until we entered the LifeStyle that we became aware that many of our friends, neighbors, and relatives were part of the club.

In addition, if you have had a long-term relationship with another couple, entering this territory may be stressful and could change the nature of your relationship. We have found that some friends will “just be friends” and some will be “friends with benefits.”

Ultimately, knowing someone helps in any new endeavor. Finding another couple to mentor you is a great way start. You can adopt this strategy in a deliberate fashion if you decide to.
Let people know that you are “newbies.”
Look for friendship first.
Look for couples that share common interests in addition to sex.

Going to at an Off-Premise Club

Newbies Guide to Swinging-Doorways to the LifestyleGoing to an “off-premise” club is another way to begin to explore the LifeStyle. Off-premise clubs include many features typical of a private club with a more of an adult oriented LifeStyle friendly environment. Many have dancing, dining, and a bar. Some offer game rooms, contests, and the obligatory cover charge or member fee. Off-premise clubs offer a sexy environment with no sex. Hence the term off-premise (sex happens elsewhere).

These clubs are a good place to meet others in a sexy yet safe environment. However, you will encounter the same challenges one has when trying to meet people at “vanilla clubs” (non-LifeStyle).

Clubs can be loud and smoke filled and you still must overcome the typical anxieties that we all face when meeting new people. You are strongly encouraged to limit your use of alcohol for reducing anxiety. It is important to be clear if you truly want to meet others and learn from your experience.

When you go to a club for the first time relax and get to know the surroundings, be friendly and patient. Smile, say hello, and take time to observe, and let people know that you are new to all this. You will find that honesty and manners go a long way. Remember, basic LifeStyle etiquette should always be employed.

You may also encounter groups of people that appear to be cliquish. Most often they are just friends that are comfortable with one another and are not intentionally trying to exclude anyone from the conversation. Try not to be offended or angered if you feel ignored.

In addition, many off-premise clubs admit single males and females at inflated and reduced rates respectively. Therefore you may encounter the advances of single club attendees. Many find this is uncomfortable and unwanted. Some see singles as being “on the prowl;” others view this as an opportunity to make a new friend. Either way, prepare for this type of interaction so you may handle it in a manner that is direct, respectful, and right for you.

If you do meet others that you are interested in it is best to be ready. You may consider making special business cards with contact information (email address, screen name, phone). Some couples go so far as to print their photograph on their cards. Exchanging information is a great way to express mutual interest and begin communicating with other couples.

Visiting an On-Premise Club

If you are brand new to the LifeStyle and begin your adventure at an on-premise club prepare for nothing less than “WOW.” Most on-premise clubs have become very upscale with membership fees and cover charges to match. Many offer fine dining or extensive buffets comparable to cruise ship cuisine. They also provide entertainment with many of the best deejays in the business and celebrity guests. Dress well and dress sexy. Many clubs offer changing rooms, lockers, and shower facilities. Get ready for a sassy and classy night out.

On-premise means that the club provides space for patrons to engage in intimate behavior. Many on-premise clubs offer themed rooms that are designed to meet the needs of private parties, semi-private groups, and open groups of playful people.

Voyeurism is often encouraged and enhances the experience of those being watched. This is a feast for the senses. The sights, sounds, smells, and energy may be extremely arousing.

For new couples this may be a bit overwhelming. Be assured that you do not have to do anything and never allow yourself to be pressured. Know that these clubs represent the glitzy, high energy aspect of the LifeStyle. The club scene isn’t for every couple and there are other options and venues for you to explore.

Attending a House Party

House parties are a great way to enter the LifeStyle and meet and greet new couples. Invites to house parties may come from friends, online groups, or people that you meet in clubs.

House parties are more intimate than clubs. Many hosts serve light food and may provide a bar or ask guests to BYOB. Often guests are invited to spend the night. Well planned house parties have a mixture of couples that have already developed friendships/ relationships and new couples. There is also a range of experience. This diversity adds to the excitement of the gathering.

Many house parties begin with an ice breaker activity. House parties offer the opportunity to talk, play party games, and move at one’s own pace into more intimate activities.

However, finding time to plan a party, family responsibilities, personal expense, space limitations, and nosey neighbors limit the size and frequency of house parties. If you are invited to a house party know that hosting a house party requires a lot of energy. Be gracious and thankful to your host and do not commit to attending a house party if you cannot or choose not to go.

Vacationing at a LifeStyle Friendly Resort

Vacationing at a LifeStyle friendly resort is another way to begin your adventure. These resorts cater to open minded singles and couples, many are all inclusive, and most are clothing optional. However, you must remember that not all nudists are swingers and not all swingers are nudists.

These resorts are adult oriented and sponsor activities and parties that promote sexy fun. Many couples travel to these resorts unaware of the LifeStyle and observe their first experiences at these resorts.

Newbie Swingers-Doorway to the LifestyleAlthough these resorts are full of sexy fun they are also full of other activities typical of vacation destinations. This is great for newbies because there is always something to see and do.

Similarly, there is a degree of anonymity and distance in exploring the LifeStyle far away from home. It parallels the mentality of “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

This feeling of freedom combined with the erotic atmosphere is a seductive combination. However, these experiences do require time away from work, money to pay for it, and are not designed for the family. If you can work around these challenges, you can expect to have a great time at a great price with memories to last a lifetime.

Attending a Convention

Convention attendance is an excellent way to enter the LifeStyle. In fact, it is how my wife and I were introduced (a story for another time). Conferences offer a wide range of activities to attendees, many of which are designed with newbies in mind.

Most conventions offer seminars which are great opportunities to learn the ropes, meet people, dispel myths, and reduce one’s anxiety. Serious topics often include: “An Orientation to Lifestyle Etiquette,” “Rule Making and Breaking,” “Coping with Jealousy,” “How to Meet and Greet,” and “How to Say No and Still Be Friends.” Fun topics may include: “Intimate Massage Classes,” “Sexy Photography,” “The Art of Mutual Masturbation,” and “How to Strip for Your Man.”

Most conferences offer packages that include rooms, meals and activities. They sponsor contests, pool parties, and evening events such as dances and other entertainment. Conventions provide a great venue to meet a large number of other couples.

Conferences come in many sizes. Some are large with over 3000 attendees and cover many venues. Others are more intimate, restricting their numbers to around 300-400 couples and take place in a single venue assuring privacy and safety.

Newer, more progressive conventions have taken the most attractive aspects of the internet, on-premise clubs, and vacation resorts and combined them into a 3-4 day stateside experience. Many conventions have their own Yahoo group with member profiles, email and chat. They sponsor great parties with great entertainment, food, and dancing. Some create beautiful and elaborate theme rooms for late night sexy fun.

Remember, if you come to a convention, don’t arrive with expectations but expect to have a great time.

The Time Is Now

The time is now, or maybe later. Either way I hope that you will consider the various doorways to the LifeStyle described in this article and when ready consider the door open and yourself welcome.

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What to Expect on Your First Visit to a Swing Club

June 27, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Barbi Leigh & Ken
Newbies Guide-What to Expect on Your First Visit to a Swing ClubMost people have the wrong idea of what a swing club is. Many think that it’s just one big orgy; that you check your clothes at the door and then dive right in, doing anything you want with whomever you like. This is completely not the case! More than anything else, it’s a social club where you’ll meet and form friendships with some of the nicest people you’ve ever meet. In some cases, you’ll form bonds that will last a lifetime.

Here’s how it works…

When you walk into a swing club for the very first time, you and / or your partner are probably very nervous. You don’t know anyone there and you might feel like everyone is watching you. That’s a good sign! That means you’re normal. That’s exactly how everyone feels their first time.

You might expect a lot when you first come to a club and that’s probably the biggest cause of anxiety for first time visitors. I realize that for many men it’s hard to not think about fulfilling all your fantasies about orgies and threesomes. That could be a huge mistake. As a first time visitor, wives are usually more nervous about the evening, and one sure way to add fuel to that nervous fire is for her to see her husband bouncing off the walls with excitement about jumping into an orgy or looking overly anxious about being with someone new.

The best way to approach the evening is with only one single expectation, and that is to have a fun time together. For your first visit to a swing club, plan on just having a nice dinner and enjoying the sexually charged dance floor. This way you’ll both be completely comfortable, she’s not worried about him wanting to dive into the first orgy he sees, and he’s not worried about deciding who is worthy of touching his precious wife.

Then one (or a few) of the following things will definitely happen…

1 – At the end of the night after dinner and dancing, you will both go home with each other and after dancing all evening in such a sexually charged environment you will both have the best mind-blowing orgasms during your love-making that you’ve had in years, probably recharging your sex life and supercharging your relationship and your marriage.

2 – While on the crowded dance floor, during one of the slow songs, you’re dancing together and an attractive couple is dancing beside you and her clothes are coming off. You find her body rubbing against yours on the dance floor. You both respond by touching and caressing them back. Then after the song, you disappear into the crowd enjoying the excitement of the nameless pleasure of this slight, yet sexy, anonymous encounter.

3 – You are both so turned on by the evening that you go into one of the many cozy, private rooms, lock the door behind you and dim the chandelier. Then, seeing each Newbies Guide to Swinging-Your First Visit to a Swing Clubother in the mirrors that surround you, enjoy great sex together. Knowing that right on the other side of the wall, another couple (or threesome, foursome or moresome) is doing the same. In fact you can even hear their sexy sounds through the walls, which multiplies your excitement.

4 – You both decide to be a little adventurous. You secure your clothes in a locker and wrap up in two giant beach towels, both provided complimentary by the playroom attendant. You go to the giant Jacuzzi for a bit where you can enjoy being naked. Since you’re shy, on your first visit you feel more comfortable being in the water where your hands can roam, playing with each other (and maybe others too) under water. Although not in obvious plain view of everyone, others might be engaged in all sorts of easily viewable activities in the Jacuzzi, your play brings you close to climax.

5 – You both know that you want to see more, but you’re not sure about how much you want to participate in. So wrapped in your little security blanket beach towels you venture into the main upstairs “Luvnasium” party complex. One gigantic mattress covering several entire rooms, surrounded by mirrored walls with tropical plants, lighting, ceiling fans and naked bodies, lots of them. You don’t get on the mattress, but instead you find a comfortable viewing location, close enough to easily view all the exciting activities in the room down below you, yet far enough away to accommodate your comfort zone. You feel like you’re part of the activities though not needing to participate in them. It’s like you’re sitting in an adult theater watching the most erotic orgy you’ve ever seen, except this time it isn’t a movie. The action is real and live!

6 – You see the couple you were slow dancing beside on the dance floor. There is room next to them so you spread your beach towels out on the mattress beside them and lay down. You begin kissing and playing with your mate, when after a little while the pretty girl of the couple beside you gently touches your arm to extend an invitation to touch them back. You respond to her touch not really knowing yet how much touching or caressing will take place, but knowing full well that either couple can say no at any time and set any limits they desire. Maybe the ladies only touch each other while the men each pleasure their own wives. Maybe the men are massaging both the ladies’ entire bodies or maybe the ladies are stroking the other man while having sex with her husband. Who knows what might happen on this special magical night, it’s all up to you and those involved with you. Maybe she might enjoy giving you oral while her husband services her from behind, you’ll be sure to see plenty of that going on. And maybe you’ll engage in full partner sharing with a complete exchange of partners. It’s entirely up to you and those involved, this is your night, you set your own limits.

At the end of the night, maybe you’ll exchange phone numbers with this other couple or maybe you’ll just enjoy seeing them at “Your” club once in a while. Remember, it’s all up to you.

Rules to live by for a guaranteed great time…

Newbies Guide-First Visit to a Swingers Club1 – The Golden Rule: “NO means NO.” Anyone may say “NO” for any reason, at any time even if you are in the middle of a swinging encounter and have changed your mind and want to stop it right there! If you are in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, just say “NO.” Do not jeopardize your happiness and satisfaction with this LifeStyle, or that of your partner, by doing something against your will just because you are afraid to say no. The friendliest way is to say, “oh no thank you, but thanks for asking.”  Be honest initially, and you will avoid any misunderstandings. Don’t forget that people’s attitudes change and who knows? Maybe sometime in the future you may meet again with a different opinion.

2 – Always treat one another with respect. After all, this is a party! Besides, you don’t want to be rude or judgmental, because you wouldn’t want it to happen to you. If a single gentleman talks to you and you are interested in swinging with couples only, that doesn’t mean you can’t be nice to him. He’s a person just like you! Just politely let him know.

3 – If you are rejected (and it happens to everyone, including women), do not take personal offense. Rejection is a very personal thing, and it’s almost as hard to reject as it is to be rejected. Honesty with each other is crucial. Who knows? You could end up with a great friendship if you handle the situation right.

4 – Deal with jealousy head on! It is a normal reaction. Remember that this is strictly a physical & recreational pleasure, not an emotional one. Discover what triggers jealousy in your relationship and work it out together. It may mean modifying your activities, but your relationship together is not worth jeopardizing over swinging.

5 – Always let your steady partner know she or he is number one. Arrive together, take time to caress them, touch base often; it makes one feel secure. And always leave together.

6 – Use your common sense and good judgment when you are involved in a swinging situation. Be kind, thoughtful and sensitive. Swingers, couples & single guys are people and have feelings too!

7 – Honor any and all prior understandings and rules you have made between each other, and be sure to communicate with each other openly and honestly so there are no misunderstandings about your rules.

8 – Respect the guidelines you set as a couple and communicate them to prospective partners. Open, honest communication is imperative to forming relationships! And please don’t forget to respect the guidelines of others. Don’t try to “talk them into” changing their rules because you don’t happen to agree with them!

9 – Pay attention to body language. There is more to interaction than words. Consider the body language of the person you are talking with and it will tell you more than the conversation you are having! Be sensitive to the person and you will know what makes them uncomfortable or happy and excited.

10 – Demand absolute discretion and be worthy of the same. Discretion is paramount in this LifesStyle! Privacy is imperative! Never, ever discuss details inappropriately. Everything you do, everything you see, must remain private. We have a saying, “Everything you see here, everything you hear here, must remain here when you leave here.”

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