Confused In The Lifestyle

Dear Dr. R. Lindsey,

We have been in the lifestyle for going on eight years, and have found that a lot of people can’t be honest and have to be judgmental. they say they’re not Ken and Barbie and not looking for them, but when you meet them(if they show up) why do they act like they’re better than anyone else instead of just politely saying”were not interested?” It’s like if you’re not as good looking as them or better they won’t give you the time of day. The way we see the lifestyle is that it doesn’t matter what a person looks like, fun is fun.

Signed,
Confused in the Lifestyle

I share your disappointment with couples that lack “verbal correspondence.” This means that they talk-the-talk but don’t walk-the-walk. I believe that most people aspire to be tolerant, accepting, and kind. No one aspires to be superficial. We all strive to be better than that as our values tell us that character is more substantive than cosmetics. The reality is that looks do matter. there is an incredibly strong psycho-biological link between perceived physical attractiveness, arousal , and desire. Similarly, ones feelings toward age, race, gender, habits etc., influence the degree to which one couple may or may not choose to play with another.

To deal with this, one must examine one’s own expectations within the context of what is known about human nature. Being in the Lifestyle does not make one immune to the challenges of being human. People will be inconsistent. you can expect to be stood up, turned down, and snubbed. You must attempt to balance these experiences with the opportunity to meet new friends, develop exciting relationships, and finding other couples that talk-the-talk and walk-the-walk.

I encourage you to keep trying. There are many friendships to be made. the best are often difficult to find.

Sincerely

Dr. R. Lindsey