Swingers View

Lifestyle Interviews: Brian and Olga

July 1, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Swingers View-Lifestyle InterviewsHow long in the LifeStyle?
4 years

What is your relationship?
Married 5 years

How did you get started?
After going to several titty bars and a few nude beaches, it became clear to us that we wanted more out of our sex lives than a bedroom dance.  After many discussions we decided to try going to a swingers club just to see what it was REALLY all about. Our first club experience wasn’t that great, but it got us very excited none the less. After a few weeks, we decided to try another club and had an exhilarating experience. We didn’t “hook up” with anyone, we were simply scouting, but the experience was nothing short of amazing. We began attending regularly, and still do.

What do you enjoy most about the LifeStyle?
The openness, trust and honesty toward each other that the LifeStyle has added to our relationship.

What do you enjoy least about the LifeStyle?
Pushy people, that seem to think we ”owe” them something.

What’s the most exciting place you’ve done it?
Too many to choose from, but I’d have to say the most exciting was during a party at our house. We all decided to go for a naked walk on the golf course. We didn’t walk very far before the romance of the full moon overtook us all.

Which do you prefer in others, a Friendship or a Sexship?
It depends, we’re always looking for new friends that we feel comfortable with and can do much more than just play. At the same time, it’s fun to meet new people, get
to know them a bit, and hit the sack for a one nighter, especially when you’re out of town.

Any advice for others, or those new to the LifeStyle?
Our advice is to take it slow, and communicate with each other. There is no reason to rush into anything, there is plenty of time and are plenty of hot couples out there.
We’ve seen many people get into the Lifestyle for the wrong reasons or simply jump in with both feet and drown. You need to be in a loving caring relationship before you start. The LifeStyle will not FIX a broken relationship, it can only enhance a good one.

Filed Under: Lifestyle Interviews Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Lifestyle Interviews: Lovers

July 1, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Swingers View-Lifestyle Interviews-LoversHow long in the LifeStyle?
6 years

What is your relationship?
Married 10 years

How did you get started?
After “sharing our thoughts” about this exciting way to expand our sexual horizon, we decided to take the first step by placing an ad in a swingers magazine. It took a while until we finally had our “first date.” Although there was no sexual interaction, we both felt inspired and our sex life became much more exciting. Eventually the right couple came along and we had our first “real experience.”

What do you enjoy most about the LifeStyle?
One of the best things about it is, that we became best friends. Being able to share our sexual thoughts and fantasies with each other and eventually fulfilling
them as well, is a wonderful thing.  In those 6 years we’ve met lots of interesting people and developed relationships that go beyond swinging. That is definitely something, that we enjoy about the Lifestyle!

What do you enjoy least about the LifeStyle?
Occasionally, you come across some disrespectful people, who don’t understand what “NO” means.  Well, that’s truly not enjoyable and can ruin a precious evening

What’s the most exciting place you’ve done it?
There have been quite a few, but for us it’s not the place, that makes the excitement, it’s the people we play with.

Which do you prefer in others, a Friendship or a Sexship?
That depends… Lets say, you start off with a good “Sexship” (that’s why we’re all in the Lifestyle, right?), chances are, you find out that you have more things in common than just Sex and a friendship develops from there… well then the friendship is a big, precious bonus! So, in other words: Although friendship is certainly something precious and hard to find, we do not mind a good “Sexship” to start with.

Any advice for others, or those new the LifeStyle?
In the beginning it is important to set some rules. By doing this, you will avoid getting into situations where you’re not comfortable.

Filed Under: Lifestyle Interviews Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

If It Feels Good… Just Do it

June 30, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Dr. Ziggy
Swingers View-If It Feels Good-Just Do ItWhy is it that merely mentioning the word “sex” makes people so uncomfortable? After all, sex is perfectly natural, the biological requirement for procreation.  Yet, I am continually amazed to see how uncomfortable people look when the word sex is uttered in their presence. Judging from their reactions, it’s easy to assume that the word “sex” immediately unleashes a chain – gathering event that is sure to infect everyone in the room and may eventually wipe out the entire world population.

Of course, psychological wisdom infers that anxiety-provoking events (including ideas) trigger defense mechanisms that protect us from the threats of those events. But why is sex – a wonderful and blissful experience in most instances – so often perceived as an anxiety and stress-producing event?
The answer is simple, yet complicated. Let’s start with the “simple” part:

Everyone knows what sex is and that it’s main purpose is reproduction. Right?

Wrong. There’s another aspect to sex – pleasure. That’s where the trouble begins. Think about it.

If sex was really unpleasant, how many people do you think would want to do it? Certainly, we wouldn’t be lining up to do the “nasty deed.” (Perhaps not even the most ardent disciples of S&M would step up to that plate.)  But because sex is pleasurable (some say the ultimate) we not only have volunteers lining up for it, we even have some who are willing to die for it. Consider this: the adultery rate in countries that punish it with the death penalty is about the same as it is in countries that don’t punish it at all.  Now, we proceed to the complicated part.

In our society, sex has been highjacked by religion and politics under the pretense of Sexual Ethics. Ideas about morality, socially acceptability, and deviancy — are all closely identified with sex in the language and attitudes of our culture. Sex has become a control mechanism and a tool of cultural conformity.
However, we must transcend these narrow views and look at sexuality with a more logical approach. Here are some questions to illustrate my point:

  • What is the function of sex? Is there just one?Should sex be exclusively heterosexual or is homosexual sexual behavior “normal?” Where does that leave bisexuality?
  • What’s the relationship between sex, love, intimacy, and marriage?
  • Can sex be independent of emotional feelings?
  • What is the connection between sex and moral character?
  • Is it OK to get laid more than twice a day, or do we have to have a fixed schedule?

Obviously, ideas about sexual behavior can get very, very complicated. Suffice to say, sex has become inextricably intertwined with philosophy, religion and politics.
No lesser man than the great Sigmund Freud long ago hypothesized that sexual repression was at the root of neuroticism and hysteria. Today, science tells us otherwise. However, repressed sexual feelings are recognized as a contributor to many psycho pathologies and can also affect other (physiological) medical conditions, such as ulcers, high blood pressure and even heart disease.  The intertwining of sexuality with philosophy and religion is nothing new.

In ancient times, the Greeks and Romans believed that the body and the mind were separate entities. This “dualistic” view distinguished between the physical (and impure, like sex) and the spiritual and aesthetic (no sex), which meant that bodily pleasure was devalued and the ideal of self-denial was elevated. To Plato, sex was just a distraction from more “intellectual” pursuits – in short, a necessary evil.

Then came Christianity. Drawing on the ideas of the Greeks, Christianity added some of their own – namely the very clever story about a man, a woman, a serpent, and an “apple” (a metaphor for sex), which resulted in the expulsion from Paradise and the idea of Original Sin.   Henceforth, in the prevailing western consciousness, sex was sin and women were considered villains.   So now you have it. That’s how Sexual Ethics became prohibitions and sex became Guilt.

Over two thousand years, the Church and the State created taboos and passed laws to control the sexual behavior of citizens. They knew that sex was the means to control the masses.   That is why today, sex is still a “taboo” topic of conversation and makes people so uncomfortable. We’re afraid that people will learn about our secret, forbidden fantasies and the desires of our rich imaginations.  But wait a minute. Did we forget that sex is about biology?  The lack of sexual openness and acceptance is a major reason why swingers still go up to the attic to play and make sure no one sees them; this in an era when homosexuals have come out of the closet in droves.

Time to wrap it up, so, my final thought on the matter.  If it feels good – just do it.

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , ,

What’s In A Word

June 29, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Bob Hannaford, French Connection Events

Swingers View-Whats In A Word“Swing,” “Swinger,” what do these words mean to you. How about the word “lifestyle?” Funny how words mean so many different things to so many different people. My dictionary defines “Swinger” as: “One that swings: a good swinger of baseball bats.” I always had a suspicion that Barry Bonds was a “swinger.” My dictionary also says: “A member of a couple, especially a married couple, who exchanges sexual partners.” Now we’re getting somewhere, although I didn’t know marital status had so much to do with “swinging.” I’ll have to call Webster and explain to him that non-married couples swing too. I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear that.

The word “swing” dates back to the 20′s when the black community discovered a new form of music called Jazz and called it “Swinging Jazz.” The reference described the form of dance where a man would literally “swing” his partner through a series of dance moves. Like the Charleston and the Lindy Hop were born, and so was the term “swing.” Most conservatives couldn’t believe it when they saw people shaking their hips and frolicking to this new underground sensual music.

Eventually, in the 30′s and 40′s, band leaders like Cab Callaway, Duke Ellington, Glen Miller and Count Basie brought in the big band era and “Swing was King.” The popularity of swing music faded after WWII until the late 50′s when Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack redefined the word “swinger.” The word’s connotation reached beyond their music and started to represent their lifestyle. They were hip, fashionable, cool and sexy. They were swingers, man. Playboy magazine was first published and a new era of sexuality was born. “Swinger” had a positive connotation, everyone wanted to be called a “swinger.” Of course the term was only relegated to men. Being considered a swinger would never be considered appropriate for a woman.

Of course the “shagedelic swinging sixties” followed and once again the term “swinger” took on a new, cartoon-type of character. Towards the end of the 60′s, swinger clubs started to form. Publications were printed and different forms of alternative relationships like swinging, polyamory and communal living started to show up.

It wasn’t long before the 70′s and rumors of “key parties” and “wife swappers” became the common explanation of the “new swingers.” Again, sexist overtones dominated the “swinger” scene, the very term “wife swapper” implies that the man owns his wife and can trade her at will for another partner.

The 80′s saw a surge of new clubs forming until the AIDS scare forced many swingers underground and many clubs closed or dropped in membership. Eventually, swinging became a lot more open, clubs rebounded and national conventions like Lifestyles in California and Las Vegas gained in popularity and thousands of couples came to meet other open minded couples. “Recreational swinging” became a powerful economic factor, in fact it became an industry.
Today, you can find articles on “swinging” in Time magazine, the New York Times, Details, on HBO, MTV, Showtime, VH1 and most national and local newscasts, newspapers and magazines. Conventions and clubs have popped up in every state. Resorts and hotels now cater to “swing” groups like never before. Recently, in New Orleans, over 1,000 “swingers” paraded down Bourbon St. in the first ever “swinging parade” behind a jazz (swing) band with a police escort. Swinging has almost become mainstream.

It has become so mainstream that swing clubs and businesses finally have their own trade association. Imagine the effect of an organized effort to put forth positive images of this “swinging lifestyle.” This is the first step in gaining acceptance and tolerance for a sexual minority that is steadily growing and we are being noticed.

By the way, I looked up the word “lifestyle” and my dictionary said: “A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group.” When the term “lifestyle” became popular over a generation ago, it had many critics that objected to it as trendy and superficial because it was mainly used to justify habits of consumption, recreation or fads to categories in a system of social classification. Many different forms of sexual minorities all consider themselves to be living a different “lifestyle” from the mainstream. Nonetheless, the term has been useful, in fact, because they help explain ourselves when referring to social values and behavior.

Why the history lesson? Most people I run into find the label “swinger” as a negative term with which they don’t want to be labeled. While I understand their reasons, most do not understand that the terms “swing” and “swinger” have undergone many transformations over the last century and will continue to change over the next few years. My favorite dictionary definition defines “swinger” as: “A person who actively seeks excitement and moves with the latest trends.” Now that is a term we can live with. Maybe we should print that definition on shirts, come out of the closet and show the world who we are. OK, maybe not this week… but soon?

The International Lifestyle Association (ILA) is a nonprofit, member-controlled organization that exists to promote a positive image of alternative lifestyles and to support lifestyle businesses, professionals, and participants. We will be contributing to Lifestyle Magazine with articles we hope you will find informative and most of all, interesting. Please visit our site at www.theILA.org for more information on the growing swing community. You can support our efforts by joining today.

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

How The Lifestyle Changes Women

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Ramo Kye
Swingers View-How The lifestyle Changes WomenMany women have a hard time keeping up in a man’s world. Mass-market culture offers a feminine standard that is far too hard for most to match. Not only are they expected to be free of blemishes, as thin as they are busty, and otherwise attractive, from their styled hair down to their painted toenails, they’re usually also expected to be charming, witty, compliant and well employed.

It’s a hard enough icon to emulate when women are young. But, as they age, it becomes even more difficult. Once a woman is past the mid-thirties, our culture generally denies that they have very much sex appeal remaining. The mirror view they get of themselves consists of streaks of new wrinkles, weight that just won’t go away, and strands of gray hair.

Sure, the same thing happens to men, and there are words for this – distinguished, mature, noble. But women seem to go from “young” straight to “elderly.”

But wait! Lots of guys are attracted to mature women. Many men prefer women that are not too skinny, women who defy the norm with their hairstyles or makeup and women who have reached an age where they’ve forgotten how to giggle.

So, is this a view thrust on women, by men? Or is this a view that women incorporate, regardless of how they are treated? Most men would probably agree, that this feeling that women have is not reflective of how men truly view them. Though, it is a view reinforced many times daily, with newspaper and television advertisements that feature too many thin, young blondes.

But, luckily, there is a cure for this – the lifestyle.

Our own relationship provides a startling transformation. Lara was in her early forties when we began playing. We’d spoken about it for years, but she was hesitant, if not downright petrified, by the idea.

We’d been together for a dozen years or so. We still had great sex, though it was more of a weekly affair that had turned somewhat predictable. She’d grown shy
as she’d aged. She rarely undressed unless she were alone. She locked the bathroom door when she showered. She took to wearing baggy jeans and blouses that did much to hide her form. We made love with the lights turned off.

Slowly but consistently, the direction our life was taking became clear. We were turning into our parents.

Eventually, Lara agreed to try some soft play with others. And her transformation began from there.

We started placing on-line ads and soon began hearing from interested couples and single men. We moved slowly from there. We got to know people through e-mails, chats and phone calls, before meeting. After meeting, we normally moved even slower. Our first few encounters barely had enough action to make a monk blush. But, she was discovering an amazing thing, men, all kinds of men, found her to be very sexy. While Lara is an extremely intelligent, knowledgeable woman who, if given half a chance, can quip and banter faster and better than a morning disc jockey, being considered physically desirable was something she’d given up on.

Entering the lifestyle was a difficult process for her. And, since I was new to it as well, I wasn’t able to guide her along very well. But soon, given the circumstances we were putting ourselves into, other men were enjoying her, and she, them. Unless you’ve been through it, the intensity of the emotions we both encountered are impossible to describe. “Nervous” just isn’t enough of a word to explain how you feel while driving over to meet new and potential play-partners. “Excited” can’t encompass the feelings just before the first foreign touch. “Satisfied” would do an injustice to the feeling of contentment one has the day, or week, afterward.

The first indirect change for Lara was with her wardrobe. She couldn’t well be meeting people for sexual play in the intentionally frumpy outfits that filled out her wardrobe. Suddenly mini-skirts, garter belts, nylons and tall, leather boots started showing up in the closet and dresser drawers.

Then, her shyness with me rapidly vanished. It had to. How could she be stripped naked in front of near strangers and then deny me the chance to see her the same way in our own home? How could she handle another man’s hard-on, and not lend me a squeeze on her way by? She stopped wearing panties and a bra with every outfit. Rather than locking the bathroom door, she began inviting me into the shower with her. Whenever the weather allowed, she’d sleep in the nude, and hum all night long.

And sex with each other? Hot damn! Like it has never been before. Only now are we even able to realize how stale our sex life had been prior to the lifestyle. We seek out new experiences with each other – just to be sure we are able to try them together before we are caught sharing them with others. The foreplay of soft touches and gentle smiles can last from noon until midnight. I never know when, suddenly, she’ll admit that she’s been trapped in an erotic fantasy, and proves it by being wet to my touch. At times, we make love until the alarm clock beckons us to work.

Sex between us is more frequent, more intense and more satisfying. While Lara used to have multiple orgasms, they pale compared to the enduring chain of climaxes she now experiences. She used to beg me to stop when her coming overtook her rationalism. Now, she begs me for more.

When the kids aren’t around, and the windows are closed, all we talk about is sex. When we’ll have it again. How great it was last time. Who’s next.

So, in the end, the lifestyle experience has had as much to do with convincing Lara that other men found her attractive, as it did with her to realize that I, her mate, her lover, her partner, have always thought of her that very same way.

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Watch Out For Low Flying Objects, A Trip to The Group Room

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Cori
Swingers View-Watch Out For Low Flying ObjectsUsed by few, but an attraction to many, the ubiquitous group room is where it’s happening at a swing club.  Sometimes called “The Orgy Room,” “The Big Room” or “The Group Room” is the stuff that swinger’s dreams are made of.

It’s a common mistake that new couples think the group room is “off limits;” that it’s for seasoned couples only. At most clubs, as long as the couple goes in together and leaves together it’s not a problem. As a matter of fact, it’s welcome. How else are you going to learn? It’s the eye-candy of the lifestyle.

Most couple’s start out slowly, meeting a couple and then perhaps going to a private room so the 4 can explore without intrusion. It’s hard enough to maintain certain standards (or erections) with all eyes upon you unless you are a veteran, so suffice it to say, if you don’t want to worry about PAS, aka “Performance Anxiety Syndrome,” you’ll do just fine.

PAS is when couples have swapped mates, the guy happens to glance at the other guy, to make sure his wife is happy, and, for whatever reason, loses his erection.

It can be for a myriad of reasons, his wife is making noises he’s never heard before, or maybe the other guy’s cock is fucking huge! All of a sudden Willie is limp and the guy upstairs can’t get the guy downstairs to get over it!!!

In the group room, everything is magnified. It`s a hedonistic, sweaty experience when you’re ready for it. It’s one of the reasons we don’t have objections to couples watching. The fantasy “cum-true” makes for great lovemaking later when you’re home rehashing every erotic detail. We all know that sex is more in the mind than in the body, so all you need to do is whisper to your wife,” I’d like to see those 2 guys in the room last night doing you; one guy with his cock in your mouth, the other in your pussy and you hungrily taking it all.” GET IT??

How do you be BOLD enough to make merry in the group room in the first place? Knowing a few couples that you are comfortable with and suggesting that you go into the group room to play is one way. Another is strike out and just venture into the room and start playing with each other. You may position yourselves on a bed near or next to other couples. Swingers etiquette says if you want to get in on the action, just ask the other couple. You may get a yes or no, either way take it gracefully. Sometimes a more subtle approach is needed. You and the wife are playing on the bed and she is on her back and you are licking the velvet ice cream cone for all its worth. A hand reaches out and touches another body; soon, another connects until it’s one big daisy chain! It’s important to remember NOT to be offended if someone does make a gesture to play by touching an arm or leg. You can gracefully decline with a “no thank you,” but realize that being in a group situation already gives a green light for at least an initial contact.

Finally, being in a group grope can be hysterical fun! I will close with an experience that happened not long ago. There were 3 couples, all friends in the group room at our club. They all started playing and I mean balls to the wall, boobies all over, cocks flying in and out and all of them were TALKING!!! Talking about the weather, talking about work and every once in a while, talking about SEX! Can you imagine that??? One couple was 69-ing, another husband had the wife on her knees and another couple had another wife riding on top! One of the guys, known for his “outbursts” yelled he was cumming and came so hard he got everyone in the room, the walls and mirrors and even a face or two. Personally, I think Cameron Diaz had the right idea. It makes for a great hair spritzer!

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Swingers Next Door

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Brian Depenbrock, SwingLifestyle
Swingers View-The Swingers Next DoorYou probably see a swinger everyday, only you don’t see them. Chances are that your neighbor, an associate at work or even a family member is a swinger. The sexually free are found in every community, and within every demographic. The LifeStyle is growing and reaching new levels all the time.

Only a few years ago, before the Internet era, swingers were essentially a secret society, meeting each other through dating magazines purchased at adult bookstores. Because of that, it was difficult to even guess at how many swingers there were.

Now, on the other hand, we can make fairly good estimates — based on information coming from a variety of sources (including the Internet).

In the past, meeting another couple often took weeks of mailing photos and writing letters before the meeting actually took place. If you lucked out and happened to live near a swingers club, it probably wasn’t a very attractive or “upscale” place. Today, the LifeStyle is evolving and becoming more mainstream. As the quality of swinger events, websites and clubs improves, more people are willing to join the fun.

The Internet LifeStyle dating websites have proven to be an invaluable tool for couples and singles looking to find like-minded adults. Whether you’re looking for something voyeuristic or a full-blown orgy, you can find it online. Looking for a gang-bang, or some bi fun? You can find it online. A recent search at www.SwingLifeStyle.com yields pages of matches, many of which are within a mile of where you are. Now that’s a swinger next door.

Numerous studies and polls give widely varying results on how many swingers there really are. However, it’s pretty safe to assume that no less than one-half of a percent of the U.S. population is actively involved in some sort of sexual activity that falls into the general category of swinging.

Whether it’s same room sex, a threesome or even an orgy, many sexual activities are included. At a minimum these studies indicate that a lot of people are receptive to the idea of swinging.

Most likely, the percentage is much greater. As knowledge and freedom expand, so will the numbers that participate. Even given the low estimates of half a percent — that equals 1.5 million in the U.S. alone, or about 1 out of every 100 people of a sexually active age. Many swingers, especially females, are active in the LifeStyle due to bisexual curiosity. The man at the grocery store who looked your wife up and down may not just be thinking about her being naked – he may be thinking about her being naked with his wife. While most swinging is about two couples sharing fun and swapping partners, many swingers regularly participate in threesomes. Virtually all men fantasize about having two girls, and many women admit to fantasizing about sex with two men.

As each generation enters sexual maturity, with less sexually repressed attitudes, they are increasingly willing to experiment. Just as it has become more socially acceptable to be gay or lesbian, sexual attitudes toward bisexuals and partner swapping are also changing. The taboo that society places on everything it categorizes as “out of the norm” has kept both homosexuals and swingers in the closet. But today it almost seems cool to be Gay. Perhaps in a few years, it will be the “in thing” to be a swinger.

Given the thousands of swinger clubs, resorts, conventions, websites, private parties and related events, it’s easy to agree that swingers are everywhere. As information becomes more freely available via the Internet, more and more couples talk about it and decide to give it a try. In the past it was quite difficult and time consuming to meet like-minded people using the magazines gleaned from the adult bookstores and that made it easy to give up. With the Internet, you’re only a few clicks away from finding thousands of swingers who are just what you’re looking for. Even if you enter a distance range, age range and other basic criteria, there are still too many results to consider. Narrow that search down and you’ve found several perfect matches that are only a few miles away. Looking for a couple with a bisexual female, between 35 and 40, within 20 miles? It’s easy to find hundreds of them on the Internet. Additionally, LifeStyle clubs are evolving, becoming more elegant and attracting a broader range of people. Frequently, people in the LifeStyle attend a party or club and run into someone they know from work or some other social activity. Most swingers have a story about just such an occurrence. It usually goes something like this: “My wife and I go to swinger’s parties often and one party we went to was great — until our neighbor and his wife walked in. I was shocked and concerned that the whole neighborhood would find out. After I got over the initial shock, I realized that my neighbor was thinking the same thing. Of course neither of us told anyone, and we’re now great friends as well as neighbors.”

People in the LifeStyle don’t often talk about their LifeStyle to others. All seem to be very aware of the unwritten rules of privacy. For that reason, you can feel pretty secure that you won’t be ratted out; we’re all in the LifeStyle together. I’ve personally run into swingers at work, at dinner, at a strip club, at a non-swinger party, at nude beaches and in many other places. It almost seems like swingers develop the same sort of “radar” that gays are supposed to have. You start to pick up on things that others don’t notice: the couple at the local night club dancing a little too close, or a bit too risqu‚. Or maybe it’s the couple at the coffee house where the female is wearing something WAY too sexy for a coffee house — especially on a Tuesday. What about the two couples you’ve seen, and then you can’t figure out which of the males and females are together?

Have you seen a neighbor walking from the front door to the car, wearing a long overcoat, in August? Maybe she’s wearing something a bit too sexy under that coat. I’ve begun to notice some couples’ reaction when a sexy lady walks by at the local pizza place. It’s very interesting to see when they both turn to watch as she walks away. That’s a pretty big clue. Yes, swingers are everywhere, and if you look, you’ll see them. A few careful questions later, you’ll be able to confirm that they are, in fact, swingers.

We live in South Florida and are blessed with a variety of clubs to choose from. We have six clubs within a thirty-minute drive and each club is packed full of people every Saturday night. Each weekend there are also several private parties, hotel parties and other events from which to choose. With all the things for swingers to do, it’s obvious there are plenty of people in the LifeStyle.

Those interested in the LifeStyle who develop enough courage to investigate beyond the curiosity stage are often surprised when they discover how easy it is to find swingers so close to them. Those new to the LifeStyle often find that their preconceptions about the LifeStyle were way off. Swingers are not the middle-aged, overweight 1960′s rejects as the stereotype suggests. They are normal people, the same people you see everywhere. They go to the grocery store, to the baseball game and to the movies. Swingers are not sexually deviant and perverse. They simply enjoy their sexuality and are more open about it than most.

As the taboo of swinging starts to lift, people begin to realize it is a LifeStyle that allows them to define their own rules and have a good time without being judged. At a club or LifeStyle event you can dance however you want to, say whatever you feel, watch the sexy girls or most anything – without concern for “what other people think.” The best part of it all is that most of the neighbors you encounter will have similar rules or are at least willing to abide by whatever rules you have set for yourself. Of course, if you want to party wildly and have sex with almost anyone (as the stereotype suggests) there are plenty of people to play with. If, on the other hand, you prefer friendship at first or only touching and fondling, there are plenty willing to do that as well. If you want to go out for dinner with a couple, maybe dance and drink, that’s fine. Then if sparks begin to ignite you take it all the way. Many neighbors may be interested in the LifeStyle but have never done anything of the sort before. If they only knew you were in the LifeStyle, perhaps they would seek your advice or counsel. We have helped to introduce many that were interested in the LifeStyle, but needed a gentle hand to guide them.

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Swinging and STDs

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Dr. Ziggy
Swingers View-Swinging and Safe SexMuch attention has been to AIDS and HIV in the general public. This attention has often exaggerated the dangers from multiple heterosexual partners and specifically exaggerated the dangers from the swinging LifeStyle.

We in the swinging community have correctly challenged the claim of high AIDS risk from unprotected heterosexual sex. However, we have probably erred by implying that swinging and sexual play with multiple partners is risk free. Intimate contact with others frequently spreads germs. There are disease risks in swinging. There are also strategies to reduce the risks. The highest disease risks (all of which we have seen at our couples’ massage events) are the following:

There are strategies to prevent infections and reduce risks. These strategies still allow couples to enjoy erotic pleasure with others. We have listed three categories of strategies and we have named them “minimal, moderate & highest.” Each strategy provides a different level of protection. The “highest” strategy provides the most protection. Strategies can be mixed or matched depending on comfort levels.

Minimal Prevention Strategies

1. Check your genitals, labia, penis and anus for cuts, sores or open wounds. Check your mouth, lips and tongue for sores. Do not participate in sexual play involving direct skin contact with open sores. Do not participate in sexual play when you have cold or flu symptoms.

2. Check your spouse and sexual partners for sores. Do not participate in sexual play with a partner where there is direct skin contact with open sores.

3. Wash your hands and urinate after sexual play. Use this strategy before playing with a different or new partner. Drink plenty of water. There is evidence that urinating after sexual play reduces the risk of UTI.

4. Use lubricants particularly when playing with multiple partners. Avoid frequent hard or rough play. Both of these methods will reduce the risks of abrasions.

Moderate Prevention Strategies

1. Use male or female condoms with intercourse.

2. Limit intercourse and/or oral sex to one set of multiple partners per day.

Highest Prevention Strategies

1. Use latex shields when having oral sex.

2. Avoid intercourse and/or oral sex with multiple partners.

3. Use erotic massage as a substitute for oral sex or intercourse with multiple partners.

4. Use same room sex with your monogamous partner, watching and being watched, as a substitute for oral sex or intercourse with multiple partners.

Choosing A Strategy That is Comfortable for You and Your Partner

Swingers View-Swinging and STDsIn all aspects of living there are risks. There are risks in driving your car to work. There is virtually no activity, particularly recreational activity, that is risk free. There are risks in downhill skiing, swimming in the ocean, playing golf and hiking in the woods. There are also great pleasures and great enjoyment gained from recreational activities. It is sensible that we evaluate recreational sex in the same way we evaluate other pleasurable activities. We cannot expect it to be risk free. However, we can minimize the risks. From our experience in the LifeStyle, here are the factors that allow us to take greater risks:

  • We can take greater risks when we have more information about our new sexual partners.
  • We can take greater risks if we believe our new sexual partners can be long-term supportive friends.
  • We can take greater risks when we as a couple have talked about it and are taking the risk jointly.
  • We can take greater risks if we are gaining greater enjoyment.
  • We can take greater risks when we accept the possible need for medication or other treatment, just as one accepts the possible need for sunburn medication when vacationing at the beach.
  • We can accept greater risks when we know we also have the option of accepting lower risks if we are uncomfortable. We are not locked into only the two options of monogamous sex and unprotected intercourse. We can develop a full menu of erotic pleasuring options depending on our sense of safety.

Genital Herpes

Of the four highest risk infections, Genital Herpes raises the most fears and concerns. This is not because it is more dangerous. In fact, a severe bronchial infection or flu infection is harder to treat and will likely result in more severe symptoms. Genital Herpes, however, raises more fears because it is contracted only through sexual play and therefore is more embarrassing.

Herpes type 2, or genital herpes, is a viral infection caused by the herpes simplex virus 2 (HSV-2). It is transmitted sexually, and typically causes blisters on the male and female genitals that rupture into painful red sores. Most people who have herpes find that it recurs. While there are effective treatments, there is no cure.

This article was printed with permission from DrZiggy. The article is based on a presentation made by a professional couple in the health care field.

Dr.Ziggy is a Clinical Sexologist and Social Psychologist that has conducted research in the Lifestyle for the last 10 years. His area of concentration is Sexual Behaviour and Sexual Motivation.

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

LifeStyle Business for Fun and Profit

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Steven J. Weil, PhD, EA, Naked Accounting
Swingers View-Lifestyle BusinessVisit any LifeStyle club and you’ll see cross-promotions for travel and web sites. Stop in at one of the many LifeStyle conventions held across the country and you’ll find a myriad of vendors. These vendors sell: adult toys, club wear, jewelry, travel, fetish wear, leather products, tattoos and everything else imaginable that can be related in any way to sex or the LifeStyle.

What makes lifestylers an attractive market? (Yeah I know, that was easy.) It’s the demographics. Look around at any club or event. Your fellow party goers are probably between 30 and 50 years old with above average disposable incomes. This is a group that thrives on conspicuous consumption and immediate gratification. Luxury vehicles, designer clothes and frequent, often exotic vacations are common. Lifestylers don’t just know how to have fun, they’ve perfected it. When was the last time you saw unhappy people at a club or convention?

So is a LifeStyle business for you?

You don’t just have to be in the “adult oriented” business to market to lifestylers. For example we know of both real estate and investment professionals that have found that the LifeStyle is the perfect place to look for new clients. Who better to find your new home than a real estate professional who understands that an 8 person hot tub is a necessity, not a luxury?

Business is business and LifeStyle businesses are no exception.

Starting a LifeStyle business or expanding your current business to include LifeStyle clients may mean a loss of privacy. Your future customers want to do business with John Smith, not HotCouple7822. They expect to be able to get in touch with you. You are going to be revealing your phone number and a business address to them. Would you do business with someone operating out of a PO Box and a free Hotmail address? Even if you are just adding LifeStyle customers or clients to your current business, you may wish to set up a new business entity to separate these customers or clients from your other, more traditional clients or customers.

There are many choices to be made in setting up a LifeStyle business. Should you incorporate? Should you elect S corporate status? Would it be better to do business as a Limited Liability Company (LLC). Is a partnership or limited partnership right for you? Each of these choices affects your personal liability and your tax status. There is no right entity that fits everyone’s needs. So how do you choose? It’s best to review your business plans and objectives along with your personal financial and tax status with a competent accountant who will help you to understand the pros and cons of each choice. This will allow you to make the choice that best meets your needs and objectives.

Then there’s the legal components. There are tax and liability matters to consider. For example, do you sell a product, run a website, throw parties or do anything else that could result in some sort of legal trouble? You need to determine your liability and protect yourself. Your accountant and attorney need to know this is a LifeStyle business, so tell them up front to avoid any foreseeable problems later.

In addition, what happens if your business does not make a profit? Business losses are deductible but hobby losses are not. Setting up your business the right way can insure that you get all the tax benefits of business ownership. If you have business losses you will be able to deduct them from your other income, which may reduce the taxes you pay.

Always remember, as with any business, it’s important to keep your books and records in compliance with all federal, state and local tax laws and to file and pay all the correct taxes. There are people who want to limit your rights and control what you can and cannot do. Tax laws are powerful tools to effect results where the courts and law enforcement have been unable or unwilling. Remember that Al Capone never went to jail for murder, conspiracy or even bootlegging. He did go to jail for federal tax evasion. So be sure to file for federal and state income taxes, and to collect and remit any sales taxes due. Aside from it being the right thing to do, it makes you a good member of the business community. And you certainly don’t want to give any small minded, uptight, misguided activist any ammunition to use against you and your fellow LifeStyle business owners.

As you can see, setting up a LifeStyle business isn’t just a matter of getting a product and a mail list. There are many things to consider. Reading this article is the first step. The next time you visit a club or convention take a few minutes and ask yourself a few questions. How many of my friends are here on tax deductible business? How many are expanding their current business? Could I do business in this environment?

Then go have fun. That’s what we’re all here for anyway.

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , ,

What’s Your Fetish?

June 28, 2011 By lsmadmin Leave a Comment

Written by Brian Depenbrock, Swinglifestyle
Swingers View-Whats Your FetishSwinging is a fetish, watching, orgies, sharing. Yep, all fetishes. Just like swinging, Fetishes are anything from mild to wild. From tickling with a feather to spanking and restraint. In this issue we’ll cover the broad fetish of BDSM. BDSM is a Lifestyle of its own and those that live the lifestyle occupy one or more parts of the BDSM triad:   BD – DS – SM

A Top or a Dom is generally the one in control, or at least that’s the way it appears on the surface. Bottom or Sub is being controlled. In actuality, the Bottom/Sub is in control of the experience and dictates what they will allow.

In a Dom/Sub relationship, the participants generally live as Dom/Sub, on an ongoing basis. The Dom controls the Sub’s life to a large extent, not as a slave, but as an elected leader. For the Sub, your Dom IS your world, you live and breathe for this person, not because you are weak or weird, just because you feel you need to be told what to do. Many marriages are Dom/Sub relationships. A Sub feels that they exist for and because of their Dom. In a marriage, one partner usually becomes the Sub in many things; “What’s for dinner” is an example. For a Sub, if the Dom is happy, the Sub is happy.

Dominance is the ultimate form of Submission. Without your Sub, you have no control, thus the Sub, by obeying the Dom, controls the Dom. The Sub decides to obey or not.

Many Subs wear a collar as if it were a wedding ring and usually will have more than one collar (vanilla for a night at the movies, or a more noticeable one for a night of play).

In a Top Bottom relationship, the participants are having fun for a short period of time, such as a powerful executive that relieves stress by being a Bottom for an evening.

Generally, one is either a Dom/Top or a Sub/Bottom. A few people qualify as a switch and can do both. It seems on the surface that it would be fun to do both, but once you’ve given it a try, you’ll usually find that only one “speaks” to you.

Most fetishes are M-F, although there are some F-F partners. M-M fetish partners are generally in their own community.

In many ways, a marriage is a compromise, or is it a switch? The male in a marriage is usually responsible for certain parts of a marriage and the female for other parts. Both partners “switch.”

Fetish Club info

A true fetish club IS: A place for members and guest to enjoy one or more parts of the triad.

A true fetish club IS NOT: A place to find a professional Dominatrix; you pay for entry to the club, not for someone to abuse you.

A true fetish club IS NOT: A dress up party where you need to buy expensive outfits and equipment just to get in the door.

Many true fetish clubs have an open door policy where most anyone can pay to enjoy a party, no special clothing is required just to watch and try things out. Just call and ask before you attend. Females can generally wear anything they wish, regular club wear is fine. Making a wardrobe decision can be a bit more difficult for men, but for your first visit, basic black will help you blend in.

If you’re interested, give a club a call and take a chance. No one will grab you and tie you up, unless you ask, and you’re free to simply watch. If you do want to play, you’ll usually need your own toys.

Getting started:

Swingers View-BDSMFind a local group or try out a club and learn. You can find local groups and clubs on the Internet or in magazines and brochures at adult book stores.

Clubs are for:

A place to go “watch” or participate.
A place to meet and socialize. A place to play. Expect a relaxed atmosphere. Watch – Learn – Enjoy

If someone asks to massage your feet, and you agree to allow it, that now makes you the Top (in control). You owe absolutely nothing in return. Your new Bottom has gotten all they want, to serve.

There is no pain in the BDSM lifestyle, unless that is what
you want.

A few books of interest:
“SM101″  by Jay Wiseman
“Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns” by Philip Miller

The movie “Secretary” is also a decent example of a Sub/Dom relationship.

My wife and I recently visited a few Fetish/BDSM stores, parties and clubs as research for this article. We were surprised to discover that, just like swingers, these people are often misunderstood. At first we were very hesitant about this article and more hesitant about visiting a club. We quickly discovered that those in the “BDSM Lifestyle” are regular people,”  Just like us swingers. Doctors, Lawyers, School Teachers and Firemen to name a few. There seems to be two classes of BDSM, those that play dress up and those play for real.

Many parties and stores are in the Dress up camp, outlandish outfits with party goes trying to out do each other. It’s a Halloween party every weekend. Attendees are generally required to dress the part (a potentially expensive endeavor) but this helps maintain that fantasy world they seek since everyone is dressed in theme. I don’t have a foot fetish, but man alive some of those sexy long fetish boots make my pants get tight.

The other camp are those that live and play for this lifestyle. Sure, they dress up, but dress up is not the point and is not required. Visiting clubs such as Klux Kink in Pompano Beach, FL. (Fort Lauderdale) is a relaxing, no pressure experience. We’ll, I say relaxing, but it was a very exciting experience. Relaxing from the standpoint of not being required to dress up or participate. Relaxing to have a drink, discuss a variety of topics and be around open minded people. Exciting to watch people play with BD, DS and SM, all in a safe comfortable environment.

Filed Under: Swingers View Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
« Older Posts