Newbies Guide To Swinging

LifeStyle Fetish Trends

Newbie Guide - LifeStyle Fetish Trends For those in the lifestyle there are many turn ons and some may say that swingers have the most fetishes. What some newbies and even some veterans are unaware of, is that different couples join swinging sites for several different reasons. Though most join for the full swap, newer fetishes see a whole new breed of people joining to fulfill their sexual high.

In the past few years there have been new people entering the lifestyle and embracing cuckolding. Although a different meaning that swinging, some cuckold couples like to swing and cuckold to mix things up.

Recently the internet is rife with husbands enthusiastically soliciting other men— often larger, hotter, sexier men than themselves to have sex with their wives while they watch.

This isn’t like swinging, and it’s not a threesome.  Cuckolded men also known as cucks, they only observe their wives’ infidelities, they don’t participate. And that’s what turns them on. They’re left out, looking on as the woman they love climaxes with a better man than them. This is a form of psychological sadomasochism.

Still some swingers in the lifestyle may have a bisexual fetish. More than often it is usually the woman, who missed her college years and wants to experiment with another woman. This can be a turn on for couples and being bisexual you can enjoy the best of both worlds. It’s true there are fewer men who are bisexual, but the beauty of the lifestyle is that their wives embrace their wants, just as the husbands embrace theirs. The sad part of the bisexual male is that not too many men can come forward on a website and discuss their desires as easily as a woman can. Although we as a society have come a long way, a man being with another man is still taboo to some people.

Some couples are turned on by BDSM and join the lifestyle to find other like minded couples that are into their debauchery. These couples can enjoy a night at home in their dungeon or if they have a local swinger club they may come across a Saint Andrews Cross for some fun.

There are those who like to watch others having sex, they are known as voyeurs. Almost everyone has a little voyeur in them, just as most couples may like to watch an adult movie.

Finally there are those that enjoy the lifestyle because they are exhibitionists. An exhibitionist enjoys being watched by others while being nude and or having sex.

Open Marriages

Just what exactly is the difference between an open marriage and swinging? At first it does appear on the surface that they represent the same thing; but delve deeper into the intricacies of both options and you will find that there are indeed distinctions with them which make a world of a difference to those involved.

In regards to the open marriage, it basically involves the married couple agreeing that they can be with other people in a sexual sense away from the marital bed. This takes away the idea of people having an affair and cheating on one another. They believe that their love and bond is strong enough and will not be damaged by either partner spending time with someone else.  They agree to them being allowed to have a relationship outside their marriage, but the other partner simply does not want to be included.

Swinging is different in that it generally involves two couples who swap partners for sex with it normally being in the presence of each other. This can also take the form of going to certain clubs where this takes place and there is no sense of building any kind of actual relationship other than it just being a way for them to have sex with others without there being any kind of emotions or feelings attached. It has to be said that an open marriage is often seen by many people as being a genre of swinging it’s just that the rules are slightly different as to what is allowed and the amount of time that they will spend with another person. In the open marriage, the person may go for dinner, go for walks or anything else like a normal relationship and up to including sexual involvement whereas swinging is purely sexual and virtually nothing else.

It is perhaps safe to say that neither option is classified as cheating as in most cases cheating requires a degree of trust to have been damaged whereas with both of these approaches everybody involved knows what is happening and indeed with whom. It is, therefore, important that there is complete honesty at all times for either option to really work and there has to be an understanding at all times that there is always a chance that something could go wrong and problems may indeed occur in the marriage or relationship. This is a chance that people are willing to take and any potential discomfort about what is going on must be discussed immediately and both people are in agreement about whatever is going on.

Those are the key differences between an open marriage and a couple who are swingers. The one thing that does come across is a clear understanding and a great degree of trust between the couple in order for either of these things to occur. If either interest you, then do make sure you talk it over with your partner and really look into it as much as possible because even though it undoubtedly works for some it can often lead to all kinds of problems for others.

Welcome to the Wonderful World of the Swinging LifeStyle

By Little Allen General Manager of Trapeze

Welcome to the Wonderful World of the Swinging LifestyleSo you’ve finally decided to take the plunge! You have thought about swinging for weeks, months, maybe even years. You have fantasized about being with someone other than your significant other… and now, “The moment of truth has at last arrived.” Entering a swingers club like Trapeze is one of the most exciting experiences you can have as a couple.

Here are some helpful pointers that hopefully will assist a new couple to successfully embark on their maiden journey into swinging.

First and foremost good communication skills are a must between couples. Both partners must be able to communicate to one another their wants, needs and desires as it relates to swinging.  Setting boundaries is a must in order to eliminate problems that might arise between the new couple. Know your partner… remember, you guys are in this together to explore and enjoy. Take it slow and abide by the rules you have set for each other.

How you handle situations is key to your enjoyment in the swinging lifestyle. There may be occasions where you might meet up with another couple and for whatever reason, the chemistry just isn’t there. It is important to be able to get out of the situation gracefully without offending the other couple. One good piece of advice is to have code words such as, “Honey, did you remember to call the baby sitter”? Come up with creative words or phrases that alert your partner that you are not comfortable in that particular situation.

Two words that will wreak havoc in your relationship are “Jealousy & Love”. These are two emotions that you definitely want to avoid. Falling in love with someone other than your significant other or becoming jealous of the relationship your partner has created with someone else can be hazardous to your success in the Alternative Lifestyle. That is why it is so important for good communication to take place prior to encounters and after. Share with your partner the positive and the negative along with things that you might want to try in the future. Experimentation can be fun because it can enhance pleasurable experiences between both of you as well as others.

It is also important to know the rules of the club or venue that you visit. Of course the most important rule of any swingers club is “No Means No”. It is certainly not appropriate to think that you could go up to anyone and touch them without permission just as you would not want anyone to be aggressive with you or your partner without your consent. Go with the flow. Relax and enjoy!

Perhaps being amongst open minded people in an uninhibited setting such as a swingers club is the biggest social change you may encounter in your lives. The joy of expressing yourselves both verbally and physically with like minded people is what makes the alternative Lifestyle so fascinating and exciting. Remember, stick to the rules you both establish and stay the course.

Happy Swinging!

Keeping Things Fair

From the book “The Swingers Manual”Keeping Things Fair

It is important to note that while at times you may feel comfortable receiving more than you are ready to give, you should not do so. By allowing someone else to do something to you, that you are not ready to return, you may mislead them into thinking that you are ready for more. Think of it as being fair to everyone. You really wouldn’t want someone to say to you “well, you can do this to me but I’m not going to reciprocate,” so why would you do that to them? Try to avoid setting up expectations that you can’t deliver on.

Let’s look at this example. Jack & Diane’s interest in swinging stems from their desire for her to live out her bisexual fantasies. Diane has no interest in touching or being touched by another man, however Jack is open to whatever Diane will allow. They meet up with

Sara & Stan who are open to pretty much anything, including full swap, but agree to give Jack & Diane a try. Over the next few months they get together on several occasions during which Jack is allowed to touch and fondle both women, but Stan is only allowed to touch his own wife. During one of their play sessions Sara gives Jack a blowjob.  Seeing this leaves Stan feeling rather left out. If Jack can get a blowjob from Sara, why can’t Stan even touch Diane? Eventually Sara & Stan call it quits with Jack & Diane because Stan can no longer accept the double standard he is being forced to live with. By allowing Sara to give him a blowjob, Jack & Diane mislead Stan and Sara to believe that they were both ready for more. Even though Jack and Diane are both ok with what happened, they would have been better to restrict the play to girls only until or unless Diane was also willing to give the same interaction to another guy that she was ok with Jack receiving. It would also have behooved Stan to speak up earlier and state his displeasure with the direction things were taking. Perhaps, had he done so, things might have changed to better everyone’s enjoyment instead of having to come to a complete halt.

Keep in mind that just as you have the option to set your own boundaries, other couples have the option to not play with you because your boundaries are too restrictive for them. While some couples will be willing to play with you regardless of your boundaries and will be happy to stay within your boundaries they may not be happy to continue to do so for very long, just as we saw with Stan and Sara.


As the owner and hostess of the Swingers Board, I’ve spent the last 12 years giving and reading advice to swingers, both new and old. There are some truths that ring over and over again, and some issues that vary so much that only you will ever know the right answer for you.

“The Swinger Manual” is about helping you determine your answers, and helping to clarify some of the questions you already have and will have along the way.

Order your copy today at

The Dipstick of Men’s Health – Herbs to Increase Stamina

By Valerie Spice, Certified Nutritionist

Herbs To Increase StaminaI know several people have asked this very question and have at least either thought about taking a pill or wondered which ones work. I have always said “take the natural approach”. Make sure to eat a healthy diet. Eat several portions of fruits, vegetables and whole grains daily, while limiting transfats, saturated fats, sugar and white carbohydrates. This can help benefit men’s sexual health and health in general. Whatever is good for your penis is good for your heart and for your brain. Make sure to maintain your healthy cholesterol. High cholesterol can harden, narrow or block arteries that lead to the penis. You can maintain healthy cholesterol levels through diet, exercise and regular health monitoring. By adding regular exercise, you may reduce the risk of sexual performance problems and improve mental as well as physical health, both of which have a direct bearing on one’s interest in and ability to enjoy sex. Most natural erection pills, have a main ingredient called L-Arginine. L-Arginine is an amino acid and is considered the top vasodilator, similar to Viagra as they are nitric oxide enhancers. What this means is that nitric oxide sustains constant blood flow to the erectile chambers of the penis, which gives you a more solid and powerful erection. This discovery was initially made by the bodybuilding community. They found taking L-Arginine helped workouts but as a side effect helped improve erections. Even though Viagra may work well, the initial discovery of L Arginine is phenomenal and you do not need a prescription for it. The second most powerful ingredient is Tribulus Terrestris which is great for raising testosterone levels naturally. This will help with a daily maintenance of a mans sexual health and over all health. Testosterone protects your heart, and keep your bones and muscles strong.

Tribulus Terrestris: A non-hormonal herb that grows in tropical climates. It has long been used in Asia and Europe to treat sexual deficiencies. It naturally enhances testosterone levels in the body by stimulating an increase in luteinizing hormone levels. The increased testosterone can improve libido, prolong an erection and increase sperm volume and motility.

Niacin (Vitamin B3) evokes a discharge of histamine all over the body raising energy levels and stimulating a movement which leads to a more powerful sex flush. It also increases the mucus secretion in the mouth and sexual organs.

Vitamin B6 produces such neurotransmitters as serotonin, GABA and dopamine which stimulate harder long-lasting erections. It is one of the multipurpose enzyme cofactors critical in creating neurotransmitters that affect certain mental processes and increase in mood.

DIM: DIM contributes to a better metabolism in the most natural way possible by working with your own hormones and adjusting their action to avoid hormonal imbalance. DIM is an indole plant nutrient found in cruciferous vegetables including broccoli, cabbage, brussels sprouts and cauliflower. Unlike other plant nutrients, such as soy isoflavones, DIM has unique and distinct hormonal benefits.

L-Phenylalaline LPA improves memory and enhances your attention. It acts as a putative antidepressant refilling norepinephrine in the brain thus raising energy levels.

Epimedium: Also known as Horny Goat Weed. This leafy medicinal herb has long been used to treat impotence and boost libido. It restores low levels of testosterone to normal, resulting in increased sex drive, endurance, and sensation. Epimedium’s active ingredient is Icariin, which is a PDE-5 inhibitor similar to the prescription drug Viagra.

Maca: Maca assists in the conversion of L-Arginine into Nitric Oxide for increased rigidity and blood flow. Some of these ingredients can be obtained naturally by eating Brussels sprouts. If you don’t have time to eat a whole bunch of cabbage, Brussels sprouts, broccoli and cauliflower each day, you could buy these ingredients separately without a prescription in supplemental form but it could cost hundreds of dollars. Or try a product such as StamizynTM, as it contains all of the ingredients needed for a healthy lifestyle and a healthy erection. This is the first time these ingredients have been combined at the precise dosage for daily male sexual health. Because of the ingredients in Stamizyn, it is a great product to assist a man with getting in shape, aside from stamina, better erections and sex drive.

Stamizyn is great to take right before your desired sexual encounter; however it is even better to take daily to maintain stronger testosterone levels and sex drive. Stamizyn works best when taken daily because of the quality formulation catered to a mans health.


Unicorns - Newbies Guide To SwingingWhat is a Unicorn? determines it a slang for a single, generally bisexual female that participates in the swing lifestyle. Referred to as a “Unicorn” because they are so rare, they are also the most sought after in the lifestyle.  Being a single lady, or Unicorn in the lifestyle can be a rewarding experience, it can also garner benefits from a couples perspective.  Although these women are rare, they are not hard to find.  The benefits of being a single swinging woman in the lifestyle are amazing. When a swinger party is thrown the usual is a free entrance for single ladies. Unicorn’s will more than likely get their drinks for free and they can have the pick of any couple, or man at the event at most given times.

When Unicorns are at a swinging event, be honest. What this means is, if you are or are not bisexual, let the couple or Unicorn know this up front. If you are not honest up front it can irritate people and cause trouble. Some women actually like to share their male partners with a straight woman as there are many fetishes and turn-on for each individual.

Unicorns need to be respectful of couples and their boundaries and since they are single some ladies may be cautious of you, especially if you are not bi. Just be sincere about your desires, and be sure to address any concerns that the couple may have with you. Again don’t pretend to be bisexual if you are not just to have sex with a guy.

Unicorns probably have the most fun in the lifestyle, they can have one man, one woman or both please her, while the couple will also be pleased at the same time. Unicorns have the advantage of a no strings attached relationship, and therefore do not need to abide by a spouses rules. But most importantly, if you are a couple, you need to abide by the rules you and your partner have agreed upon. Unicorns although rare, are not hard to find, especially in the digital age. Swinger sites like SwingLifeStyle have so many members, and it’s recognized as the largest swingers site.  With that in mind, finding one will be easier than you think.  The hard part is setting it up, again just as Unicorns need to be honest, you as a couple need to be honest. Some Unicorns may only want a bisexual experience with the wife, so be honest with everyone across the board.

Unicorns - Newbies Guide To SwingingSome readers have written in on this subject telling me they can not find one, but when questioned, they can’t find one that will play with them by their rules. Again some Unicorns may only want to play with one partner, some may want both of you, or just the husband.  Make sure everyone is on the same page, if one of the three of you are not comfortable, then move on to the next. Think about the kind of person who would be compatible with you and your lifestyle. Go over your wants, What do you enjoy? What do you believe? What do you want to share with this person? Give up the assumption that you’ll find one person who will fit with both members of a couple. It might happen, it might not, don’t be disgruntled or lower your standards. Keep in mind that just knowing that a couple is specifically looking for a bi female to be with them sexually is enough to send most single bisexual females running. You know why?

Because there are too many couples looking for threesome, they are not interested in a particular woman because of whom she is, they want a female to have sex with. This is where you have to be honest and be subtle and not too pushy for either party. The single ladies get blasted with emails, even hate mail. Unicorns complain that too many couples and single males send hate mail if they are turned down. One email will suffice, and make sure you are honest, and your letter resembles your profile. The last thing you want is an email to a Unicorn looking for a bisexual threesome and your profile is listing the wife as being straight. Abide by the above aforementioned and you will have a fun mystical journey as a Unicorn or with a Unicorn in the lifestyle.

Dealing with Rejection in Public

Newbies Guide To Swinging | Dealing with Rejection in PublicThere will be occasions at clubs where you find yourself the object of an admirer for whom you don’t return the interest. These situations can vary from someone who simply keeps asking you to dance, to someone who will not leave you alone and follows you everywhere you go. How you choose to deal with these people, will depend greatly on how they are acting.

If someone simply approaches you and asks you to dance or to go to the play areas and you are not interested and do not feel you may change your mind later, a polite but firm “Thank you, but NO” is in order. You may be able to say yes to just one dance and have them move on. Just be sure that during that one dance you don’t give them any reason to think they will get more than that. If they return later use the polite but firm “No” response. When you do say “No” do not give any additions that would allow the requester to think that there is hope later on. Do not say “not right now” or “maybe later” unless that is really what you mean.

If you have an admirer that simply will not leave you alone, you may have to be more firm and tell them to leave you alone, and that you are not interested. If the person continues to approach you to the point that you feel you are being harassed, find the host or someone on staff and let them know what is going on and ask that the person be removed.  This can be easily done without making a scene.  No one wants someone at the party that doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “No”. The host should ask the offending person to leave. If they are not willing to do so, then I wouldn’t want to go to their parties.

Of course, in order for someone to understand the word, you first have to say it. Too often when we are uncomfortable, we just move away or hope that someone will get the hint.  Some people are very bad at reading body language. Therefore, if someone is making you uncomfortable, the best move you can make is to verbally let them know.  This is about you, and you should not spend your entire evening feeling uncomfortable just because you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings.  If someone is bothering you and won’t  leave you alone, make it clear to them that you are not interested. We often avoid saying no or being forceful because we don’t want to make a scene, but sometimes making a scene is required.

Newbies Guide To Swinging | Dealing with Rejection in PublicI remember the first time I ever tried to go to a swinger party as a single female. I’d been going to parties as part of a couple for years, but following my divorce I wanted to give it a try solo. Were things ever different? I had to learn that it was up to me to say something. I didn’t have a partner to run back to for protection. It was just me. Being bisexual I encountered instances of grabbiness from both men and women. Oddly, the women were much harder to be forward with and just say “No” to. I did not know how to react to them. Surprisingly, the men seemed better behaved than the women. I only had one situation with a man who while we were on the dance floor started trying to make out with me. I stopped him and said flatly “I don’t think so. I don’t even know your name!” and walked away. Now, if only I’d been as forward with the women, I would have had a much better time that night and probably would have tried much harder to swing as a single female.

I remember another instance where I was at a party and a friend of mine seemed to be getting grabbed (in not so nice ways) by just about every guy in the room. I could tell from her body language that she wasn’t comfortable, but she wasn’t saying “No” either. I finally pulled her aside and asked her about it. She really didn’t know that it was ok to say “No.” She thought she just had to do whatever they wanted. Boy was she a different woman once she realized she had control over the situation. Remember, the number one rule in this lifestyle is that “no means no,” but it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t say the word.

On the flipside, if you are interested in someone else and you approach them and they express a lack of interest, understand that one “No” is enough.  Do not repeatedly approach someone after they have already let you know they are not interested, and do not try to insert yourself into a situation where you have not been invited. Just because a couple (or a pile of couples) is playing on a bed in the corner, does not mean you have an open invitation to join in wherever you desire. Always ask first, and at the first sign of “No” (whether verbal or physical) you should remove yourself from the situation. On occasions people drink too much at parties and don’t really comprehend what they are doing. Don’t let this be you. Watch how much you drink. If you are the target of someone who has had too much to drink, the best thing you can do is find their partner (if they have one) and let them know that they need to keep a better eye on their date. If they are alone, find the host or a security person and let them handle the situation. If it’s your party, ask them to leave and find them a suitable means to get home (even if it means driving them yourself – do not let some drunk person ruin your party).

Believe it or not….Sex and the Law

  1. Newbies Guide-Sex LawsIn the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and or anal sex. Yet, the same law does not apply to men and women engaging in the same activities with each other.
  2. In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been 80 documented cases of men similarly endowed.
  3. Men say the average erect penis is 10 inches. Women say it’s 4 inches.
  4. A honeymooning couple is suing Holiday Inn for $10,000, claiming their sex life is now dysfunctional because an employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.
  5. England’s King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a special table built so that he could comfortably engage in sexual intercourse.
  6. It was considered elegant for aristocratic ladies of the 16th century to let their pubic hair grow as long as possible so it could be pomaded and adorned with bows and ribbons.
    60% of men and 54% of women have had a one-night stand.
  7. In the state of Utah, sex with an animal–unless performed for profit–is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.
  8. Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England–but only in tropical fish stores.
  9. In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city’s airport property.
  10. In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.
  11. As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.
  12. An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.
  13. While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum.
  14. Newbie Swingers-Sex LawsIn Harrisburg, Pensylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a tollbooth.
  15. In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
  16. In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities. [For everyone else it's okay?]
  17. The T’ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.
  18. In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

How To Enjoy A LifeStyle Convention

Written by Bob & Tess, Naughty in N’Awlins

Newbie Swingers-Lifestyle ConventionsThe editors of LifeStyle Magazine asked us to write an article entitled “How to enjoy a lifestyle convention.” So, we spent an exhaustive year researching this subject so we could put together a sure fire guide to having a great time while at such an event. Now this may seem like a dream job, but let me tell you, its not easy spending hour after hour trapped in play rooms, judging wet “Tease” shirt contests, attending erotic seminars, meeting and dancing with over one thousand open minded, friendly, warm, giving , sexy and sharing couples. But because we love these guys, we sucked it up and went to work.

1. Conventions rule! Conventions are the best place for beginners to “test the waters,” because of the informative seminars and the sheer number of experienced couples to meet and get to know. They are also the best place for experienced couples to make new acquaintances, catch up with old friends and have a venue to party all weekend long.

2. Education: Conventions offer a wide range of seminars from “dealing with jealousy,” STD’s, erotic massage, photography, polyamory, BDSM, building communication, and on and on. You can’t find this kind of a resource at a local club or resort. Make sure you schedule time to attend some (or many) of these great seminars.

3. Forget the education, let’s party: Hey, seminars are great but we’re here to party! With dances, contests, entertainment and of course hospitality rooms, there are so many choices for a couple to have a fun time, the only real question is “when do we sleep?”

4. Speaking of hospitality suites, some conventions have special “Hospitality Suites.” What are these suites you ask? A place to get a snack? Sometimes. A place to meet people after the dance? Yes, and more. Much, much more. Hospitality suites are areas that most would consider the “on-premise” party area. You can head to this area to play, watch, be watched and best of all you don’t have to get your own room dirty. So grab your “essentials kit” (more on this later), a sense for adventure and head to the hospitality suites.

5. Newbies Guide-Lifestyle ConventionsSmile: This is the single greatest piece of advice we can give you. We have seen so many nervous couples sitting by themselves, wishing someone would come up and talk with them, but they are unknowingly putting people off with an unapproachable look. Just smile. It’s so simple, yet it will make you so much more approachable. We are looking for fun, happy and secure couples, if you are looking sad, we’ll move on until we see someone smiling and having a great time.

6. You’ll get out of this, what you put into it: Talk to each other about what you expect from this weekend and then “go for it”. The minute you arrive, the clock starts to tick away. You only have a few short days to have fun and then the convention is over. Get out, meet people, participate in silly games and contests and have some fun. The party won’t come to you.

7. Put together an “essentials kit”: Tess has a great little black bag with everything we need to help get us through the night. Inside we have our room key (or anyone else’s we may happen to come across), some money for cocktails, condoms (at least three different sizes!), a small bottle of lube (very important), her silver bullet (in case of emergencies), Tylenol or Excedrin Quicktabs (someone always needs these), mints and of course a little blue diamond shaped pill (hey, if it works for Bob Dole). You can accessorize your kit by adding rabbit fur, vibrators, dildos, duct tape (for you McGyver’s out there) or whatever else might make your evening memorable. You can remember these motto’s: “be prepared (Boy Scouts) or “adapt & improvise” (Marines) but Tess prefers: Semper Paratus, which is Latin for the Coast Guard’s motto “always ready.”

These are just a few things Tess & I learned as we attended most of the conventions during the last few years. I hope passing on some of these tips will help you add to your experience while you are here. Remember, no matter what experiences you may encounter during this weekend, when it’s over, you will be heading home with your partner so keep the lines of communication open and show some respect and you can’t go wrong.

LifeStyle Paradox…Always Discuss Things With Your Partner

Newbies Guide-Lifestyle ParadoxMy wife and I have been in the LifeStyle for several years. We’ve been to many clubs, parties, conventions and resorts. We have played with more than a few couples and singles and have not had a jealous moment in a long time. I was quite surprised at a recent, non-lifestyle event, which struck a jealous bone.

We’re very secure in our relationship and only play together; it’s more fun that way. We recently hired a male to come to our home and give us both a massage. He came out a few times and everything was fine. He brought his own table,
oils and all the stuff you need, but didn’t have a sheet for us to cover up with. I usually strip down naked for a massage since I’m under a sheet. Since there was no sheet, I decided to keep my boxers on. My wife kept her thong on, but went topless.

Being secure in my masculinity, not to mention that we are open about our bodies, active in the lifestyle and frequent nude beaches; I didn’t have any problem with her being topless, at least not at first.

As two or three weeks went by, one session per week, I began to notice that my entire massage was given with me on my tummy. My wife’s massage was given half face down, half face up. Now, I have lower back problems, which the masseur is aware of, so I blew this off as him just spending more time on my back. One time the masseur came to our house, I happened to walk by the massage table while he was massaging her, but he appeared to be massaging her breast. Not groping or anything overly sexual, but more than what I considered normal. I know there are muscles in there, but it caught me as unacceptable for the masseur to massage my wife’s exposed breast. On my way back by a few minutes later, he was still working on the breast, quite a long time I thought. I’m not sure if jealousy is the correct term, as I don’t really think I was jealous as much as I felt this person was taking advantage of the situation and getting a bit of pleasure for himself.

I discussed this later with my wife; she didn’t realize what was going on. After a 10 minute discussion, she agreed that it was not acceptable conduct by the masseur and agreed to wear a top the next time. We’ve played with single males in the past and enjoyed it very much, but this was not the type of encounter we look for. Maybe as a fantasy, but never in reality.
We still use the same masseur and have not had any problems. It’s quite possible that he knew we were swingers; we’re listed on several websites and have adult material all over the house. Her being topless and having an open personality could easily appear inviting, but it’s still not appropriate. Just like it’s not OK to grab a naked lady at a club, without permission, it’s not OK to touch an exposed breast without asking.

So, the moral of this story is that you should always discuss things with your partner. Keep an open line of communication and head off any problems as early as possible.