In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and or anal sex. Yet, the same law does not apply to men and women engaging in the same activities with each other.- In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been 80 documented cases of men similarly endowed.
- Men say the average erect penis is 10 inches. Women say it’s 4 inches.
- A honeymooning couple is suing Holiday Inn for $10,000, claiming their sex life is now dysfunctional because an employee mistakenly walked in on them on their wedding night.
- England’s King Edward VII, a man of considerable heft, had a special table built so that he could comfortably engage in sexual intercourse.
- It was considered elegant for aristocratic ladies of the 16th century to let their pubic hair grow as long as possible so it could be pomaded and adorned with bows and ribbons.
60% of men and 54% of women have had a one-night stand. - In the state of Utah, sex with an animal–unless performed for profit–is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.
- Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England–but only in tropical fish stores.
- In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city’s airport property.
- In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.
- As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.
- An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.
- While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum.
In Harrisburg, Pensylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a tollbooth.- In Willowdale, Oregon, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.
- In Texas, sixteen-year old divorced girls are prohibited from talking about sex during high school extracurricular activities. [For everyone else it's okay?]
- The T’ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.
- In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
Newbies Guide To Swinging
Believe it or not….Sex and the Law
June 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment
How To Enjoy A LifeStyle Convention
June 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by Bob & Tess, Naughty in N’Awlins
The editors of LifeStyle Magazine asked us to write an article entitled “How to enjoy a lifestyle convention.” So, we spent an exhaustive year researching this subject so we could put together a sure fire guide to having a great time while at such an event. Now this may seem like a dream job, but let me tell you, its not easy spending hour after hour trapped in play rooms, judging wet “Tease” shirt contests, attending erotic seminars, meeting and dancing with over one thousand open minded, friendly, warm, giving , sexy and sharing couples. But because we love these guys, we sucked it up and went to work.
1. Conventions rule! Conventions are the best place for beginners to “test the waters,” because of the informative seminars and the sheer number of experienced couples to meet and get to know. They are also the best place for experienced couples to make new acquaintances, catch up with old friends and have a venue to party all weekend long.
2. Education: Conventions offer a wide range of seminars from “dealing with jealousy,” STD’s, erotic massage, photography, polyamory, BDSM, building communication, and on and on. You can’t find this kind of a resource at a local club or resort. Make sure you schedule time to attend some (or many) of these great seminars.
3. Forget the education, let’s party: Hey, seminars are great but we’re here to party! With dances, contests, entertainment and of course hospitality rooms, there are so many choices for a couple to have a fun time, the only real question is “when do we sleep?”
4. Speaking of hospitality suites, some conventions have special “Hospitality Suites.” What are these suites you ask? A place to get a snack? Sometimes. A place to meet people after the dance? Yes, and more. Much, much more. Hospitality suites are areas that most would consider the “on-premise” party area. You can head to this area to play, watch, be watched and best of all you don’t have to get your own room dirty. So grab your “essentials kit” (more on this later), a sense for adventure and head to the hospitality suites.
5. 
Smile: This is the single greatest piece of advice we can give you. We have seen so many nervous couples sitting by themselves, wishing someone would come up and talk with them, but they are unknowingly putting people off with an unapproachable look. Just smile. It’s so simple, yet it will make you so much more approachable. We are looking for fun, happy and secure couples, if you are looking sad, we’ll move on until we see someone smiling and having a great time.
6. You’ll get out of this, what you put into it: Talk to each other about what you expect from this weekend and then “go for it”. The minute you arrive, the clock starts to tick away. You only have a few short days to have fun and then the convention is over. Get out, meet people, participate in silly games and contests and have some fun. The party won’t come to you.
7. Put together an “essentials kit”: Tess has a great little black bag with everything we need to help get us through the night. Inside we have our room key (or anyone else’s we may happen to come across), some money for cocktails, condoms (at least three different sizes!), a small bottle of lube (very important), her silver bullet (in case of emergencies), Tylenol or Excedrin Quicktabs (someone always needs these), mints and of course a little blue diamond shaped pill (hey, if it works for Bob Dole). You can accessorize your kit by adding rabbit fur, vibrators, dildos, duct tape (for you McGyver’s out there) or whatever else might make your evening memorable. You can remember these motto’s: “be prepared (Boy Scouts) or “adapt & improvise” (Marines) but Tess prefers: Semper Paratus, which is Latin for the Coast Guard’s motto “always ready.”
These are just a few things Tess & I learned as we attended most of the conventions during the last few years. I hope passing on some of these tips will help you add to your experience while you are here. Remember, no matter what experiences you may encounter during this weekend, when it’s over, you will be heading home with your partner so keep the lines of communication open and show some respect and you can’t go wrong.
LifeStyle Paradox…Always Discuss Things With Your Partner
June 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment
My wife and I have been in the LifeStyle for several years. We’ve been to many clubs, parties, conventions and resorts. We have played with more than a few couples and singles and have not had a jealous moment in a long time. I was quite surprised at a recent, non-lifestyle event, which struck a jealous bone.
We’re very secure in our relationship and only play together; it’s more fun that way. We recently hired a male to come to our home and give us both a massage. He came out a few times and everything was fine. He brought his own table,
oils and all the stuff you need, but didn’t have a sheet for us to cover up with. I usually strip down naked for a massage since I’m under a sheet. Since there was no sheet, I decided to keep my boxers on. My wife kept her thong on, but went topless.
Being secure in my masculinity, not to mention that we are open about our bodies, active in the lifestyle and frequent nude beaches; I didn’t have any problem with her being topless, at least not at first.
As two or three weeks went by, one session per week, I began to notice that my entire massage was given with me on my tummy. My wife’s massage was given half face down, half face up. Now, I have lower back problems, which the masseur is aware of, so I blew this off as him just spending more time on my back. One time the masseur came to our house, I happened to walk by the massage table while he was massaging her, but he appeared to be massaging her breast. Not groping or anything overly sexual, but more than what I considered normal. I know there are muscles in there, but it caught me as unacceptable for the masseur to massage my wife’s exposed breast. On my way back by a few minutes later, he was still working on the breast, quite a long time I thought. I’m not sure if jealousy is the correct term, as I don’t really think I was jealous as much as I felt this person was taking advantage of the situation and getting a bit of pleasure for himself.
I discussed this later with my wife; she didn’t realize what was going on. After a 10 minute discussion, she agreed that it was not acceptable conduct by the masseur and agreed to wear a top the next time. We’ve played with single males in the past and enjoyed it very much, but this was not the type of encounter we look for. Maybe as a fantasy, but never in reality.
We still use the same masseur and have not had any problems. It’s quite possible that he knew we were swingers; we’re listed on several websites and have adult material all over the house. Her being topless and having an open personality could easily appear inviting, but it’s still not appropriate. Just like it’s not OK to grab a naked lady at a club, without permission, it’s not OK to touch an exposed breast without asking.
So, the moral of this story is that you should always discuss things with your partner. Keep an open line of communication and head off any problems as early as possible.
Single Gentlemen In The Lifestyle, How To Win Success
June 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by Barbi Leigh
The lifestyle is many different things to many different people. What they share is a fascination with the erotic experience and the pursuit of sexual enjoyment. There are three major categories of swingers: couples, single females and single males. Couples are the foundation of the lifestyle. Single females are comparatively rare. When they do get involved, it’s often because they are bisexual and the lifestyle affords them easy access to both males and females.
Not surprisingly, single males are plentiful. A constant new supply of horny men assures that it will stay that way. But what does it take for a single man pursuing the lifestyle to be successful?
People in the lifestyle meet many
different ways. The most popular venues are through swinger clubs, private parties and websites. For the aspiring single male, clubs and websites are the main vehicles — since it’s pretty hard for a newcomer to get invited to a private party.
Like other private clubs, swing clubs are “Membership Only.” But lifestyle clubs operate a little differently. In the lifestyle, privacy is the first priority. So clubs usually forego formal background checks. However, once you’re accepted, your character is under constant scrutiny. If you behave badly or become disruptive, your membership will be immediately revoked and you will be permanently barred from attending the club. With that in mind, it’s in your best interest to read and heed the following:
Single (Gentlemen’s) Guide to Successful Swinging.
1. In private clubs, the same members visit again and again and get to know each other quite well. If you insult or offend one couple, the word will quickly spread to others. Alternatively, if you are pleasant and the couple enjoys your company – sexual or otherwise – they will be eager to introduce you to their friends. Of course, swingers like to introduce people with unique sexual qualities to their friends. But don’t walk around saying you’ve got a 12-inch penis, even if you do. If you really do, everyone already knows it.
2. You will have a better time at parties if you check your macho attitude at the door. You don’t want to be one of those guys who are standing in the front wearing a towel, waiting for someone to perform for them. Such macho, horn-dog attitudes classify you as a “Towel Shark,” and you don’t want to be one of those.
3. Be yourself, be natural and socialize. Ask a lady to dance and be sure to have a good time, you’re more attractive that way. It’s a good idea to ask the lady’s husband for permission to ask his wife to dance. Talk to the husband and be friendly to him too. Why? Because if he doesn’t like you, you’re probably not going to get anywhere with her.
Remember that people in the lifestyle are there for their enjoyment, not yours. Some are interested only in couples, some only in women, some in nothing — they just like the atmosphere. Some are interested in playing with single men. Many couples are seeking a second or even third man to join them. The important thing is — how do you get to be the guy they choose?
4. Get to know the lifestyle, the expectations and the realities. Read the other articles in this magazine, it’ll help. Keep in mind that most people you meet at a swing club are there for the same reason you are. Most swingers aren’t out there cheating on their spouse. They’re open about what they do, and about what they like to do. Don’t go to a party to fall in love, or think you’re going to sweep a lady off her feet and away from her husband. Come to have a good time and make some new friends. To be successful in the long run, you need to be the nice guy that’s been seen with other couples, not the weird guy that’s running from table to table trying to score. Just about all couples have a set of rules by which they play, and they vary little from those rules. Don’t try to change them. You’ll fail.
5. Be a gentleman and a classy guy. Just because a woman likes sex doesn’t mean she likes vulgar language or innuendoes. Good manners and social skills are more important in this lifestyle than just about anywhere else.
6. Dress nicely, like you’re going on a date. Because you are going on a date! When you know you’ll be having an intimate encounter with your mate, you take extra special care in your personal hygiene, right? Well multiply that by ten. Before you go out, spend extra time brushing and flossing your teeth, showering and shaving, styling your hair and dabbing on your best cologne.
7. Don’t assume that because you talk or dance with someone that they want to have sex with you. Don’t get too aggressive unless you get the clear message that it’s OK. When (and if) you get that message, go with it, just don’t go overboard. You can even ask again” Is this okay?”
8. Leave the pickup lines at home with the tank tops. Ladies in the lifestyle are adults and are not into head-games. They have already heard every line in the book.
9. Again, in the case of couples, introduce yourself to both husband and wife. Do not approach a lady when her husband is not present. Remember that “Towel Shark” fellow? When the husband comes back (and he will), he won’t be happy to see you.
10. Don’t insult a member’s intelligence with the statement, “My wife wanted me to come here first by myself to check it out, so I’ll come back with her next time. How about you and I play now.” Every swinger has heard that line over and over again. You might as well say you are here to cheat on your wife while she’s at church!
11. Don’t talk about your wife or your girlfriend, how great she is or how beautiful she is. Let’s face it. If she were, you wouldn’t be here alone wearing that towel.
12. Don’t act overly shy or stand around like a wallflower. If you see a lady you’re interested in, observe her. If she dances with guys besides her husband, or if she spends time talking with single men, maybe she would enjoy talking or dancing with you too. Don’t be afraid to approach her – just approach her politely and with class. Chat for a minute; maybe give her a compliment, then say, “It was great meeting you. Let me know if you’d like to dance a song together later.”
Approaching a woman that way makes it easy for her to approach you later.
13. Drink in moderation. Lifestyle events are social gatherings, not boozing parties. Needless to say, alcohol and erections don’t go very well together. So if you drink too much, you will not only act stupidly and belligerently, you will also be unable to get an erection to save your life and you will wind up making a complete fool out of yourself.
14. Don’t sneak into the “couples only” room pretending to be with a couple. If a couple wanted to be involved with a
single man, then they would be on the “single” side of the room. And if they wanted you to join them, they would invite you. If a couple is engaged in a threesome or foursome while NOT in the “couples only” section, maybe they like to be watched by single guys — but not touched. So don’t sneak your hand in there to “grab a piece” thinking that she won’t know whose hand it is. Even if she doesn’t know, he and other involved partners will know and will have you quickly removed from the club.
15. If someone says NO, that’s all there is to it. Don’t ask them, “Why not?” or “Are you sure — I’m the greatest lover in the world?” Actually this is Rule 1, 2, 3, 4….. The most important rule of the lifestyle is “NO MEANS NO.”
16. Don’t touch without permission. Do not touch. We know what that means.
17. Do not go to the club with a group of buddies. Even if it’s true that some women enjoy multiple male partners and enjoy a “gang-bang” — they don’t need you to provide the “gang.” If you only feel comfortable with a group of friends, then go to a hockey game or a titty bar.
18. Most people in the club have a partner. Include them in your conversation when appropriate.
19. Pay attention to non-verbal signals, the ones you interpret as positive or negative. Body language speaks much louder than words. Act accordingly.
20. If you’re unsure about proper behavior and etiquette in a particular situation or what’s allowed, ASK. Go to the front desk of a club, or ask the host at a party.
21. Admission to a club or party DOES NOT guarantee that you will have sex, but only that you will be admitted. No one owes you anything and you shouldn’t expect anything from anyone. The most annoying thing couples report is that single males seem to think they are owed something because they paid to get in. Keep in mind that the couples paid to get in too.
22. Always dispose of used condoms in the trash. Yes, this mean that when you are through with it you must carry it with you to a trash can. Never leave it where you took it off or you will be invited to leave and not come back (and you might end up wearing its contents on your head.) All in all, it’s simple. Act like a gentleman, be classy, be friendly, and treat people well. Everyone has a much better evening if the ladies have a fun time, and if they do, then you’ve got a great chance at having a really fun time with them.
The true gentleman and classy guy in the swinging lifestyle is non-threatening to the female spouse’s virility. He’s happy to be sharing in the encounter and he doesn’t try to monopolize it. He is also a friend of BOTH spouses and treats both with respect. If you follow these guidelines, you should have a great time and make lots of new, very sexy friends. And if you want to know more about what it is to be a classy guy and have the greatest success meeting couples — check out the next issue of LifeStyle Magazine and read “What To Expect”, an article for couples and singles who have never been to a swing club. Also, look for future articles with “Questions & Answers.”
This additional information will help you better understand single ladies and couples and what they are thinking.
Rule Making and Breaking, Tips Every Couple Should Know
June 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by Dr. R. Lindsey
Being a happy and healthy couple in the Lifestyle requires a lot of love, trust, flexibility and energy. Couples that enjoy the Lifestyle to the fullest have one thing in common, they know “The Rules.” Now these are not a book of rules on how to find the perfect mate, or how to manipulate your significant other, these are the rules that you create TOGETHER. However, getting started on creating your rules requires some organization and we hope this article helps to get you started.
Here are two simple questionnaires to help you get started on an important discussion you need to have with your partner. I suggest you read this article, then each of you complete your part of the survey in private. Afterword, compare notes and discuss your answers. If the discussion results in an argument, you may want to reconsider your interest in the lifestyle.
RULE 1:
Know Your Self: Knowing yourself is where it all starts. There are many questions one might ask to get to know yourself better. Basic questions include:
- Why am I interested in the LifeStyle?
- What types of relationships am I looking for?
- What activities will I engage in?
- What activities am I willing to explore?
- What activities will I not engage in?
- Who will I play with?
RULE 2:
Know Your Partner: Remember you are in this together. Basic questions include:
- Why is your partner interested in the Lifestyle?
- What types of relationships is your partner looking for?
- What activities will your partner engage in?
- What activities is your partner willing to explore?
- What activities will your partner not engage in?
- Who will your partner play with?
An Experience: When You Assume.
A moderately experienced couple is attending a house party with eight other couples and one single female. As the evening progresses the single female is spending a lot of time and paying a lot of attention to a husband. As people become more playful, the single female takes the husband by the hand and leads him into the other room for some “private time.” The next morning the wife is quiet and moody. The husband inquires “What’s wrong?” The wife begins to cry and states “I can’t believe you left the party to be alone with that girl. I don’t even know why the bitch was invited.” The husband responded in a surprised fashion asking “What did I do wrong?”
Rule review (if they had rules).
- Full Swap – OK
- Different Rooms – OK
- Single Female – Not OK
RULE 3:
Share What You Have Learned: A simple process is to discuss your individual responses to the questionnaire. Do not approach this conversation as a negotiation. Approach it as an opportunity to learn more about each other’s thoughts, feelings, and motivations.
RULE 4:
Create Rules You Can Love With: It is important to create a set of rules that make you both comfortable. Typically, one partner is more adventurous than the other. As you begin this process together it will require flexibility and patience. Remember, one’s exploration of the Lifestyle is a process. Things begin to evolve quickly and your rules will change
over time.
An Experience: Too Much Too Soon
A couple is attending an on-premise club for the first time. They shyly watch the activities in the “hospitality suites for a while.” After a few drinks they decide to take a chance and begin to become intimate with one another in a semi private room. Another couple joins them and the environment becomes very erotic. In the heat of the moment, the wife reaches out to the other couple. She slowly moves toward the other man and mounts him as his wife massages her back. Her husband is stunned, left alone; he grabs his clothes, gets up, and abruptly leaves the room.
Rule review.
- Voyeurism – OK
- Exhibitionism – OK
- Intercourse with a stranger – Not OK
- Ignoring her husband – Not OK
RULE 5:
Don’t Break the Rules: If you agree to a set of rules, stick to them. Don’t change them in the in the heat of the moment. If you feel that you are ready to go beyond your rules, stop and discuss this with your partner. The best time to explore your rules is during the time you spend reviewing your experiences.
RULE 6:
Take Time to Review Your Experiences: This is very important. Share what you enjoyed and didn’t enjoy, and what you may be willing to try. These discussions may be the most intimate and exciting discussions that you may ever have. Reliving passionate experiences can be very erotic.
An Experience:
The Morning After
A couple is lying in bed after a night of very playful fun with two couples that they like a lot. They begin to talk about the evening’s events, the food, the music, and the sex. The wife indicates that during the evening she explored her first bi-sensual experience and really enjoyed it. As she shares the details of this experience they both become aroused and make the most of the morning. The wife indicates that she may wish to explore bi-sensuality more at the next gathering.
RULE 7:
Take Time to Revise Your Rules: Your rules may change due a variety of reasons. If you are having difficulties in your relationship, you may wish to tighten things up or take a break. Illness, financial issues, and the stress of everyday life may also impact your rules.
If things are going well, you may wish to expand your rules. If you are experiencing a surge in confidence, the excitement of new friendships, or the comfort of familiar playmates, you may wish to make general and/or specific revisions to your rules.
Either way, enter this knowing that your individual and collective preferences will change and grow in a healthy and happy manner if you work together as a team.
Fabulous Firsts…..A Tale of Tricks & Treats
June 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by David Lawrence
“We were dating for eight months when it came time for Halloween,” says Andrea. “Mike and I decided that we’d throw a party for couples only, all good friends but none in the LifeStyle. At least none we knew about. As added entertainment, we thought it would be a fun surprise to invite an exotic dancer who would show up at midnight and do her thing for the crowd. Well, she sure showed – and she sure did her thing.”
Here’s how it all went down… The guests arrived about 8 pm in a perfectly predictable Halloween assortment of costumed couples: there was a swashbuckling pirate and his damsel, a wildly silly cross-dressing duo, a pair of political spoofers, two grotesque monsters, and a couple of Q-tips with Andrea and Mike, humorously wardrobed as circus clowns. “Things were totally normal,” Mike says, “We were having an enjoyable time. The food was great. People were telling stories about past Halloweens they recalled as kids. We were dancing a bit, but nothing very alluring. “However, when the doorbell rang at midnight, the party really began. The most sexy witch imaginable swept into the room, humping her broom!”
Bewitched on the Wild Side
“She really was a `bewitching’ beauty,” says Andrea. “She had a lacey black dress on; it was long but had slits up both legs. She had a cape over that, a wide black hat, and long black gloves. She carried a glowing jack-o-lantern with a fearsome face carved out. Her makeup wasn’t horrific, though. Instead, it was expertly applied for what would be an otherwise elegant evening. And her blond hair was thick and long, and contrasted gorgeously with the rest of her outfit. I couldn’t help but get caught up by her looks… costume and occasion aside.” The guests didn’t know what to make of the witch’s appearance at first. Some figured she was a late-arriving invitee. Some thought an over-grown trick or treater. Some just figured she was lost. No one expected what followed, even Andrea and Mike.
The wondrous witch began to dance to the pre-arranged music she provided a week earlier as part of a pre-party meeting with the hosts. Amidst the circle of guests in the living room, as Andrea and Mike requested, she danced and bumped and ground away by herself, enjoying her own gyrations. “No doubt, the immediate reaction was shock,” Mike says. “But shock, combined with the effects of a few hours of alcohol, probably kept people from walking out of the room. “We had agreed our witch would only invite Mike up to dance with her,” Andrea recalls. “That was the arrangement and we’d see where things went from there.” And so that’s what happened. At first.
“I couldn’t believe how turned on I got seeing her dance with my boyfriend,” Andrea says. “I wasn’t even registering others’ reactions as she began to take off her clothing and also started to strip Mike. I was just lost in my own erotic sensations, being a voyeur to what was turning into a live sex show. Then I joined in.”
As Andrea and Mike report, their threesome frolicked and fondled to the music, partially undressed, while everyone sat glued, in full costume. After a few dances, the wondrous witch turned to the others and invited everyone to join in. And most did, surprisingly, though one couple did exit quietly. The beat went on. The group’s gyrations intensified, and pirates’ pants melded with monsters’ masks in corners of the room. “Our guests became very un-costumed,” Andrea laughs. “But not unhinged.”
Mike says that it was his turn to be shocked as the witch and the women played on the dance floor, hugging each other, rubbing breasts, kissing. The men mostly watched while trying to join in the dancing. But after a while, the women became irresistible and the guys, cautiously, even “gentlemanly,” as Mike puts it, put their hands in, feeling their own partners, initially, but then getting bolder and reaching out for other women.
The music continued, the witch heated things up by moving among the dancers, men and women. The action got wilder. “It didn’t become quite a full-blast orgy,” Mike says, “But we had some kind of very hot sexual scene going on, with varying degrees of heat.”
As one of the guys later said, “I was in my own soft porn world; just exhilarated by how free I felt.” “The crowd got really turned on, more than we could have imagined,” Andrea says, “We had our own little lifestyle group.” And the festivities lasted until dawn.
As for the aftermath, Mike and Andrea think that, for most of the couples, their Halloween trick and treat was a one-time burst of uninhibited bliss. But for one other couple and themselves, their impromptu and largely unintended introduction into swinging has continued ever since.
“Mike and I talked for weeks afterwards, as a couple, and also with some of the others from our party,” she says. “I’m most happy to say we’ve stayed friends with everyone. No one got upset, even the couple who left early. They figured how things might evolve and just decided it wasn’t for them. In fact, they were curious about what actually occurred, and we told them over dinner with lots of laughs.”
“I think the best result,” Mike summarizes, “is that Andrea and I really explored our feelings, actions, and reactions to the party. We both admitted how much we enjoyed it. And we soon took up our more serious efforts to enjoy the fun side of the LifeStyle on a regular basis.”
I Can Do That
June 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by Amy Rule
You’ve been married 10 years or more. You know your marriage is solid, but you’re looking for something to spice things up a bit. You’ve played around with the idea of swinging, you’ve talked about it together, but you’ve never done anything. Why not?
One of the biggest reasons people who are interested in the LifeStyle hold back is that they feel they are not desirable enough. The housewife who could afford to lose 20 pounds. The husband whose only 6-pack is in the fridge. The BBW or BHM who never WAS beautiful or handsome by conventional definitions. I mean, just look at the ads for those tropical resorts. If you dont have the figure for a bikini, don’t go, right?
Wrong!
I am a 300 pound BBW, happily married to my college sweetheart for 18 years now. We’ve always had a sort of open arrangement to our marriage. But I noticed an annoying pattern. Many of our female friends were more than happy to fool around with him, but the guys all said “I could never fool around with Norman’s wife!” I was getting the short end of the stick.
We had heard about swinging, which seemed to be more couples oriented, which would solve my problem. But I was wary; I’ve been rejected all my life for being fat, why should this be any different? In fact, we saw some pretty people ads which only made my fears worse. Why should I set myself up for rejection?
So for a long time we didn’t do anything. Finally about four years ago we did, and we’ve been very happy with the results.
What happened to change my mind? A couple of things. They all come down to the concept of self-confidence. Before I could consider putting myself on the line like that, I had to have some reason to believe somebody would want me. So we looked for a club in our area and did some research. Where we live, there are several groups that have house parties or hotel parties on a semi-regular basis; actual permanent facilities aren’t that common. One particular group seemed interesting. They have a yahoo group website, and I liked the photo of the host couple. She was a very pretty 30-something with long curly hair. Most of all, she wasn’t skinny. Not as big as me, but nicely curvy. No way you could confuse her with a fashion model she’s much prettier in my opinion. So we chatted with people on the group list, and signed up for the group’s Valentines party.
We knew going in that there would be at least one couple who wasn’t “perfect,” and they were the hosts. We met a variety of people that night and for the most part we were warmly welcomed. I have found swingers to be some of the most welcoming people I’ve ever associated with. The “beautiful people” ads are wrong; that’s not what swingers are about. Many of us have a different kind of beauty; I’ve never seen another group so willing to realize that.
So what can you do to make your first experience as memorable as mine? First of all, do your homework. If there’s a chat room where you can meet some people like we did, take advantage of it. If you’re afraid you won’t be welcomed because you’re too fat, too skinny, the wrong skin tone, too old, too young, then ask! If the club is worth associating with, they’ll make you feel welcome and try to ease your fears. If not, keep looking… there is another one around that will.
When you go to the party, don’t be a wallflower. Wear something as sexy and daring as you can and still feel comfortable. Don’t feel pressured, but maybe let yourself feel free to explore a side of you that you usually keep hidden.
Many newcomers are shy, and a good host will try to draw them out, but sometimes they miss someone. There is usually a “social hour” before the fun starts. Use the time to chat with your fellow party goers, get to know them as people. Our hosts had an “icebreaker” at the end of the social hour where all the guys lined up opposite the girls and everybody introduced themselves to the person opposite them and hugged (or kissed or whatever they felt comfortable with). Then the guys shifted one position to the left and repeated until every girl had met every guy. It was a nice way to make at least initial contact with everybody and you could get an idea of who might be interested by how they reacted.
If your party or club has a “group room,” sometimes that can be a good place to start. A lot of times old friends will pair off early in a party, meeting people they’ve partied with before. A newcomer can feel a bit left out. But the group room isn’t about pairing off, and is a great place to just watch if you’re not ready to jump in yet. And who knows, you might just be inspired to join in! We started out watching, and when the group on the bed broke up to go get some food and drinks, Norman and I took over the now empty bed. Playing with your partner is familiar and comfortable; all you’ve added is the excitement that somebody might be watching. And sure enough, another couple came down and watched us for a while, then asked if they could join in. Norman still remembers the woman’s beautiful celtic butterfly tattoo! The four of us had a great time.
The point is that most parties or clubs offer something for everyone. Relax, meet some new friends, have a good time, and maybe even join in the fun. Whatever you’re comfortable with. And next time, you’ll find you’re dressing sexier, getting more assertive when it comes to finding someone to play with, and generally having an even better time. Each positive experience builds your confidence. And there is nothing sexier than self-confidence.
We have made several good friends in the LifeStyle; they are some of the most accepting, fun-loving folks we’ve ever known. It’s not for everyone, but just maybe, it’s for you.
See you at a party soon?
The Soft Side of Swinging…
June 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by David Lawrence
That’s not exactly the first thing you want to hear at a LifeStyle club. But that’s the joking response Joan and Bob got when they told another couple they were “soft swingers.” Before we probe further (forgive the pun): “soft swinging” refers to the range of playful, sexual activities, other than exchanging partners for intercourse.
And quite a range it is!
Soft swingers define themselves as people who simply enjoy being voyeurs, or those who just like groping and gaping on the dance floor (and staying vertical!), or couples who say they”ll do most anything up to having intercourse with someone other than their date, partner or spouse.
Here”s Why Bother
Joan and Bob love playing with others, on and off the dance floor, but want intercourse to be something they hold in reserve for their “one and only” special partner. It”s still all very pleasurable, they say, and really stimulates things when they get home. Joan is quick to add, “Except for that first encounter, everyone we’ve met in the LifeStyle has been completely understanding. “We’re up front about things, and we’ve never had a problem. People really respect our limits.”
Sarah and Steve have a similar opinion when it comes to the intercourse/intimacy factor. As Steve says, “We talked about this a lot. To be honest, I brought it up first because I was craving sexual variety. So we talked. And talked. And then discovered there’s a lot we can do within the lifestyle that feels good, very good, even to orgasm. But without intercourse.”
“We now have a small group of like-minded folks we’ve met at clubs and parties who feel the same,” Sarah notes, “and we get together for soft core play several times during the year.”
Anna and Jeff are a long-term married couple who enjoy spicing up their relationship with what they term, “harmless variety.” The best part of the lifestyle, they say, is watching each other, “do a whole lot of dirty dancing at a club with others on the dance floor.”
“I love wearing sexy clothing,” Anna says, “and getting a group of women engaged on the dance floor. I lose myself in the flow and sensuality of the moment.” “And I really love watching all that,” Jeff emphasizes.
Tracey and Mick have what they term, “a rich fantasy life.” Soft swinging only enhances their fantasies, they say. “We find ourselves having lots of sexy conversations with people at clubs,” Tracey says, “and then we talk about things, together, for the whole week after we go. All that talk translates into some steamy nights at home.”
“Soft swinging meets our needs for sexual exploration,” Mick says. “We’re okay to watch and play around with others in rooms. There’s no mystery about how and why things can get so hot. After all, a lot of sex doesn’t involve intercourse.”
Linda and her husband Ron have been soft swingers for six years. She’s also a licensed psychologist with an active family practice. Her professional take on soft swinging is that some LifeStyle couples don’t want to separate intimacy from sex. “It’s easier to set the rules and everyone can play because there’s something inhibiting or non-threatening for everyone,” she says. “For example, anyone can be a voyeur without being rejected. And it’s great fun to be an exhibitionist or simply cop a feel without more intense interaction.
“Soft swinging is also terrific for people just getting into the LifeStyle because you have can have lots of pleasure without taking lots of risk. And it doesn’t mean you’re going to end up going any further. Rubbing bodies on the dance floor without being serious can remain a lifetime pleasure. A side benefit is that you can tell non-LifeStyle people about your dirty dancing escapades “and don’t be surprised if you find yourselves very popular dinner guests!”
In sum, Linda’s perspective seems to be typical of soft swingers: the soft swinging LifeStyle offers an intriguing chance to expand sexual experiences without getting into a realm of intimacy that might create hurdles.
“We’re in the frame of mind that there are some things in the LifeStyle we’re comfortable about and some things we’re not,” Anna says. “There are boundaries we’re happy with, as individuals and as a couple. Defining those boundaries has been enlightening, especially since many couples never have conversations about their sexual desires, let alone try new things.
“In short, this is a way we can have our cake and eat it, too. Or suck it! Oops, was that too nasty to print?”
Top Ten Reasons to be a Swinger
June 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by Suzanne & Michael
I have written several articles about how fun sex can be and have been asked, why swing? Taking excerpts from our favorite authors Ed and Dana’s “Consider Swinging,” here are the top ten reasons to swing.
Remember Swinging is recreational sex. Responsible non-monogamy. Many couples bowl together for fun and recreation, swingers have sex for fun and recreation. Here is how it can work:
Reason 10
Enjoyable company. Swingers are the kind of people that are exciting and fun to be with. They are happy, honest, vibrant, intelligent, attractive and very friendly. Swingers enjoy being swingers all the time. The club environment is free but swingers are great fun at parties, picnics, movies, dinner, ball games and any place people go for fun and recreation. Everything’s better when shared with wonderful people.
Reason 9
A very healthy lifestyle. Most swinging scenes discourage heavy alcohol consumption, prohibit drug use and can provide good cardiopulmonary exercise. The best way to stay healthy and avoid colds is to know there is a social event coming up soon. Swinging will get you out and about more often than any other hobby.
Reason 8
Play dress up. Yes! Finally an environment that gives you the opportunity to wear those daring dresses and leather lingerie. You can shop the adult catalogs and stores and have a place to show off. You will not get arrested, assaulted or laughed at. Most women and men enjoy dressing up and strutting their stuff.
Reason 7
Getting your fantasies fulfilled. Two ladies? Three men? Same sex? Intimate moment with a stranger? Being watched? Watching others? Large piles of anonymous flesh? If you can fantasize about it, the swing lifestyle can help fulfill it. Swing is about consensual and discreet participants hosting your fantasy.
Reason 6
Improve your sexual technique. You and your partner may be very adept lovers but you don’t know what you don’t know. Some things need to be seen and practiced, not just read about.
Reason 5
Staying “attractive” is good for you. Nothing is more motivation to stay on a diet, or exercise then the prospect of a swing party. Many times we stop maintaining our attractiveness when we settle in a relationship. If we want to be “swappable” we need to shake that up. This is not always just about looking like a “10″ but attractiveness is about the attitude of a “10.”
Reason 4
Satisfy your appetite for variety. You probably have a loving, wonderful, sexy partner but why limit yourself? Big muscles, big boobs, shapely butt or pendulous penis, blondes, red heads, brunette or bald, on top, on bottom, on the side, it is all out there. Life is a smorgasbord of delights. Step up to the feast!
Reason 3
Good friends. Nothing outside your own family is more valuable than friendship. If you are one of the lucky ones, you have a few really good friends. Stick around swingers for a while and you will find several more. This intimate lifestyle is the perfect venue for meeting other couples that truly share your interests and approach to life.
Reason 2
Better friends. The sad truth is jealousy; envy and similar sexual issues break friendships among couples. The second best reason to swing is the positive effects it can have on friendships. There is no reason to hide your desire for your friend”s partner when that desire is openly welcomed. There is no reason to be fearful of your partner having an affair behind your back when you enjoy watching and joining in. It is fantastic when everyone is relaxed and real; the sexual tensions are removed from the friendship.
The Top Reason To Consider Swinging Is
“The couple that plays together….” You have heard talk of “non-monogamous” lifestyles. This is different. If swinging were just about freely having sex with other people it would not need a special name. What makes swinging special is that couples do it together.
There are very few things that draw partners together better than the social and sexual sharing of swinging. You may be thinking that you might not want to share your partner with someone else, consider that when you and your partner go to the movies together, you are not sharing them with the movie, rather the two of you share the experience of watching the movie. Shared experiences are the building blocks of a strong relationship. We are not suggesting you share your partner with anyone. We are suggesting that you share with each other the joys of experiencing other people mentally, emotionally and physically.
Your Doorway to the Lifestyle
June 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Written by Dr. R. Lindsey
Every journey begins with a first step. For “newbies” (a new couple) entry into the LifeStyle may begin through many different doorways. These doorways include but are not limited to: the Internet, personal ads in magazines, introduction by friends, going to an off-premise club, visiting an on-premise club, attending a house party, vacationing at a LifeStyle friendly resort, and attending a convention. This article will examine each of these “doorways” and explore the benefits and challenges of each.
The Internet
The Internet is by far the fastest and least expensive way to explore the LifeStyle. There are free and fee-for-service sites that provide educational information, calendars of events, chat rooms, and the ever popular personal profiles. The internet has expanded and connected our world in so many ways and has truly brought the LifeStyle out of the closet. Benefits of the Internet are that it provides a simple and safe way to learn about the LifeStyle and meet other couples.
However, the reliability of Internet sources and the large volume of information may be overwhelming. In researching this article I randomly selected a free local Yahoo Group for “swingers.” Upon examination it had over 1500 profiles with members from 32 states. Sifting through all the choices is a daunting task. In addition one must also maintain a “buyer beware” attitude when deciding to “internet date.” My wife and I have encountered couples whose photographs were ten years out of date, manipulated, or just posted under false pretenses. We have been “stood up” on more than one occasion and we have prepared to meet a couple only to encounter a single male or female. One must always take steps to ensure personal safety. Never go alone and always meet in a public venue.
Chat rooms and message boards are other methods of meeting singles and couples via the Internet. Most LifeStyle sites offer these services to get their members talking, answer questions, promote events, and sadly to gossip.
One could spend all day writing messages, responding to email, and chatting on line. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked in to this. Use the Internet as a tool. Do not let it replace direct communication and face to face interaction with others.
Personal Advertisements
Personal advertisements are the forerunners to Internet dating. Personal ads may be found in many LifeStyle focused magazines and periodicals. Typically the personal ad is more direct and to the point because you pay by the line. Personal ads may include photographs, physical descriptions and social and sexual preferences. This helps the reader pick and choose who to contact in a more deliberate fashion. However, the same benefits and challenges apply here as with Internet dating.
The Internet and personal ads are mass media approaches to learning about and entering the LifeStyle. Remember to use your head and be sensible in using these doorways.
Introduction by Friends
Many couples have told me that they “stumbled into the LifeStyle.” Often, they became aware of a couple that was in the LifeStyle, became curious, asked questions, and began to explore. Typically, one’s “friends” would not have brought it up if they didn’t feel that the novice couple was tolerant, open minded, and had the potential to enjoy the LifeStyle in a healthy manner.
Sometimes these initial conversations prompt invitations to small intimate gatherings, house parties, or trips to a local club. Having friends assist you as trusted tour guides can be very helpful in taking your first steps.
However, finding friends like this are rare. Most couples keep their LifeStyle activities private. In fact, it wasn’t until we entered the LifeStyle that we became aware that many of our friends, neighbors, and relatives were part of the club.
In addition, if you have had a long-term relationship with another couple, entering this territory may be stressful and could change the nature of your relationship. We have found that some friends will “just be friends” and some will be “friends with benefits.”
Ultimately, knowing someone helps in any new endeavor. Finding another couple to mentor you is a great way start. You can adopt this strategy in a deliberate fashion if you decide to.
Let people know that you are “newbies.”
Look for friendship first.
Look for couples that share common interests in addition to sex.
Going to at an Off-Premise Club
Going to an “off-premise” club is another way to begin to explore the LifeStyle. Off-premise clubs include many features typical of a private club with a more of an adult oriented LifeStyle friendly environment. Many have dancing, dining, and a bar. Some offer game rooms, contests, and the obligatory cover charge or member fee. Off-premise clubs offer a sexy environment with no sex. Hence the term off-premise (sex happens elsewhere).
These clubs are a good place to meet others in a sexy yet safe environment. However, you will encounter the same challenges one has when trying to meet people at “vanilla clubs” (non-LifeStyle).
Clubs can be loud and smoke filled and you still must overcome the typical anxieties that we all face when meeting new people. You are strongly encouraged to limit your use of alcohol for reducing anxiety. It is important to be clear if you truly want to meet others and learn from your experience.
When you go to a club for the first time relax and get to know the surroundings, be friendly and patient. Smile, say hello, and take time to observe, and let people know that you are new to all this. You will find that honesty and manners go a long way. Remember, basic LifeStyle etiquette should always be employed.
You may also encounter groups of people that appear to be cliquish. Most often they are just friends that are comfortable with one another and are not intentionally trying to exclude anyone from the conversation. Try not to be offended or angered if you feel ignored.
In addition, many off-premise clubs admit single males and females at inflated and reduced rates respectively. Therefore you may encounter the advances of single club attendees. Many find this is uncomfortable and unwanted. Some see singles as being “on the prowl;” others view this as an opportunity to make a new friend. Either way, prepare for this type of interaction so you may handle it in a manner that is direct, respectful, and right for you.
If you do meet others that you are interested in it is best to be ready. You may consider making special business cards with contact information (email address, screen name, phone). Some couples go so far as to print their photograph on their cards. Exchanging information is a great way to express mutual interest and begin communicating with other couples.
Visiting an On-Premise Club
If you are brand new to the LifeStyle and begin your adventure at an on-premise club prepare for nothing less than “WOW.” Most on-premise clubs have become very upscale with membership fees and cover charges to match. Many offer fine dining or extensive buffets comparable to cruise ship cuisine. They also provide entertainment with many of the best deejays in the business and celebrity guests. Dress well and dress sexy. Many clubs offer changing rooms, lockers, and shower facilities. Get ready for a sassy and classy night out.
On-premise means that the club provides space for patrons to engage in intimate behavior. Many on-premise clubs offer themed rooms that are designed to meet the needs of private parties, semi-private groups, and open groups of playful people.
Voyeurism is often encouraged and enhances the experience of those being watched. This is a feast for the senses. The sights, sounds, smells, and energy may be extremely arousing.
For new couples this may be a bit overwhelming. Be assured that you do not have to do anything and never allow yourself to be pressured. Know that these clubs represent the glitzy, high energy aspect of the LifeStyle. The club scene isn’t for every couple and there are other options and venues for you to explore.
Attending a House Party
House parties are a great way to enter the LifeStyle and meet and greet new couples. Invites to house parties may come from friends, online groups, or people that you meet in clubs.
House parties are more intimate than clubs. Many hosts serve light food and may provide a bar or ask guests to BYOB. Often guests are invited to spend the night. Well planned house parties have a mixture of couples that have already developed friendships/ relationships and new couples. There is also a range of experience. This diversity adds to the excitement of the gathering.
Many house parties begin with an ice breaker activity. House parties offer the opportunity to talk, play party games, and move at one’s own pace into more intimate activities.
However, finding time to plan a party, family responsibilities, personal expense, space limitations, and nosey neighbors limit the size and frequency of house parties. If you are invited to a house party know that hosting a house party requires a lot of energy. Be gracious and thankful to your host and do not commit to attending a house party if you cannot or choose not to go.
Vacationing at a LifeStyle Friendly Resort
Vacationing at a LifeStyle friendly resort is another way to begin your adventure. These resorts cater to open minded singles and couples, many are all inclusive, and most are clothing optional. However, you must remember that not all nudists are swingers and not all swingers are nudists.
These resorts are adult oriented and sponsor activities and parties that promote sexy fun. Many couples travel to these resorts unaware of the LifeStyle and observe their first experiences at these resorts.
Although these resorts are full of sexy fun they are also full of other activities typical of vacation destinations. This is great for newbies because there is always something to see and do.
Similarly, there is a degree of anonymity and distance in exploring the LifeStyle far away from home. It parallels the mentality of “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
This feeling of freedom combined with the erotic atmosphere is a seductive combination. However, these experiences do require time away from work, money to pay for it, and are not designed for the family. If you can work around these challenges, you can expect to have a great time at a great price with memories to last a lifetime.
Attending a Convention
Convention attendance is an excellent way to enter the LifeStyle. In fact, it is how my wife and I were introduced (a story for another time). Conferences offer a wide range of activities to attendees, many of which are designed with newbies in mind.
Most conventions offer seminars which are great opportunities to learn the ropes, meet people, dispel myths, and reduce one’s anxiety. Serious topics often include: “An Orientation to Lifestyle Etiquette,” “Rule Making and Breaking,” “Coping with Jealousy,” “How to Meet and Greet,” and “How to Say No and Still Be Friends.” Fun topics may include: “Intimate Massage Classes,” “Sexy Photography,” “The Art of Mutual Masturbation,” and “How to Strip for Your Man.”
Most conferences offer packages that include rooms, meals and activities. They sponsor contests, pool parties, and evening events such as dances and other entertainment. Conventions provide a great venue to meet a large number of other couples.
Conferences come in many sizes. Some are large with over 3000 attendees and cover many venues. Others are more intimate, restricting their numbers to around 300-400 couples and take place in a single venue assuring privacy and safety.
Newer, more progressive conventions have taken the most attractive aspects of the internet, on-premise clubs, and vacation resorts and combined them into a 3-4 day stateside experience. Many conventions have their own Yahoo group with member profiles, email and chat. They sponsor great parties with great entertainment, food, and dancing. Some create beautiful and elaborate theme rooms for late night sexy fun.
Remember, if you come to a convention, don’t arrive with expectations but expect to have a great time.
The Time Is Now
The time is now, or maybe later. Either way I hope that you will consider the various doorways to the LifeStyle described in this article and when ready consider the door open and yourself welcome.