Lifestyle Couples Questions

No Sex Drive

Couples Questions - No Sex Drive

Dear LifeStyle Counselor,

We have been swinging for about 4 years and noticed that my sex drive has decreased ever since I started on birth control. In the beginning we loved the adventure of sex but lately I do not want to nor am I interested in sex. Advice?

Signed No Sex Drive

 

Dear No Sex Drive,

What you are explaining is perfectly normal. Sometimes birth control can and will destroy your sex drive. You may want to talk to your doctor about obtaining a different prescription. Some women lose their sex drive when on birth control and part of the reason is because the clitoris can become reduced in size by up to 20%. Some women take the prescription route; some use herbs or supplements like Libidra to kick start their sex drive while others use condoms. This is up to you, but in the mean time let your husband know that you are concerned about what the pill is doing to your desire.

Sincerely,
LC

The Cuckold

Couples Question - The Cuckold Dear LifeStyle Counselor,

My wife and I have had a fetish for quite some time and we feel weird about our fetish. We both want to be cuckolded by an alpha male, how normal is this?

Signed The Cuckold

 

Dear Cuckold,

What you are explaining is nothing new, nor is it abnormal; several people are now embracing the cuckold concept within the lifestyle. The lifestyle has many fetishes, over the past few years the cuckold fetish has escalated and many couples are embracing this type of play. Couples on swinger websites are looking for partners to swap, but do you ever see couples looking for single men? The couples that look for single men are interested in a man to have sex with the wife while the husband joins or watches. Some are bisexual and looking for play; some others, believe it or not, advertise that they are looking to be cuckolded. Remember everyone has their own fetish and it is best to embrace it, as long as no one gets hurt and it is perfectly safe.

Sincerely,
LC

Restaurant Date

Couples Questions - Restaurant DateDear Lifestyle Counselor,

When being seated at the restaurant, should a man walk ahead of or behind the women? When is the appropriate time to lead versus follow?
Signed Restaurant date

 

Dear Restaurant Date,

It is common courtesy to walk in front of her, so when you arrive at the table, you may extend her chair as a caring act. Now, if you and your wife are on a date with another couple, again you may walk with the other gentleman and allow the wives to follow behind together, and as a kind gesture pull their chairs out for them.

Sincerely,
LC

Milf Boy

Couples Questions - Milf BoyDear LifeStyle Counselor,
I have been seeing a woman twice my age 22(43).  She is gorgeous and our sex life is wonderful, but nobody approves. Should I break up with her?
Signed Milf Boy

Dear Milf boy,
You should not break up with someone because of what other people think. It sounds like you may be obsessed with what other people think? If you both enjoy each others company and get along, there is nothing wrong with it. Hollywood is actually embracing the cougar phenomenon and more and more couples have an age gap. Ever hear the expression “love is blind”? This could not be more true, if it makes you and your woman feel good it can’t be bad.

Sincerely,
LC

Confused New Swinger Guy

Dear LifeStyle Counselor,

LifeStyle Couples Questions - Confused New Swinger GuyI am new to the lifestyle and my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years. She has been in the Lifestyle for nearly 7 years so she has a lot more experience than I do. I am upset because she has done things with other guys that she says she is not interested in doing with me, but wants me to continue to cater to her needs in the Lifestyle, please help as I am confused on what to do.

Signed confused New Swinger Guy

 

Dear Confused New Swinger Guy,

You need to think hard about how much of a deal this is to you, and as of right now, it’s clear that you are leaning towards “Yeah, its an issue”. If you can’t decide for 100% certain that it doesn’t matter to you at all, then there are problems. Remember the past is the past and you’re with her now and into the near future so focus on that. Yes it may be scary to you to think about so don’t. Ask yourself, if you should you be trying to change her, when you knew going in to this relationship what she had done? I would take it with a grain of salt, and enjoy that she could be your teacher and show you the ropes. If this is a major issue with you, then I’ll bet that there are problems later on. I’d consider ending it before it got to serious (soon!) if you are uneasy about her past. I am not one for breaking people up, but you need to resolve this or end it.

Sincerely,
LC

Seeking Husband

Dear LifeStyle Counselor,

My name is Jennifer (that’s not my real name) I picked up this magazine at a local swinger club and love it. I decided to write in and ask some questions, since I can not seem to find answers anywhere. My question is very unique, see I am single and I am looking for a husband in the lifestyle, would I have a good chance of meeting someone interested in the same things I am?

Signed Seeking Husband

 

Dear Seeking Husband,

Your question is not far fetched, I was on a popular blog the other day and I saw a post where a couple met on a swinger website and actually got married. I have heard of people getting together at swing clubs, so it is possible. There are some things you need to respect though, as a single woman, don’t go for married men. You need to use your best judgment here. Keep in mind there are single men in the lifestyle looking for a potential partner to settle down with and participate in the lifestyle just like them. I also read online where a couple met at a local swinger club, hit it off and got married as well, last I checked they have been together a few years.

Sincerely,
LC

Orgasm Lady

Dear LifeStyle Counselor,

Couples Question - Orgasm LadyI have been to several swinger clubs and participated in gang bangs. I have a concern, which is, I orgasm fairly quickly during masturbation and oral sex. My hang up is that I have never been able to climax during penetration, is this normal? Is this a physical or mental thing?

Signed,
Orgasm Lady

Dear Orgasm Lady,

You are not alone so don’t think anything of it. I have researched that 70% of women who orgasm certain ways have difficulties achieving orgasm another way. What it boils down to is that women need the right type of stimulation of her clitoral region in order to achieve a full orgasm.  It can be a mental thing as well. Some women only achieve orgasm through anal sex. Your husband may be using the right type of pressure and stimulation you need during oral sex that his penis can not give you during penetrative sex.  Some women also only climax through g-spot stimulation. I would recommend your husband use his hand to stimulate your clitoral region during sex, or you can do this yourself. Many women massage their clitoris during penetrative sex, and it helps them climax.

Sincerely,
LC

Make My Semen Tasty

Dear LifeStyle Counselor,

I read the last issue on how to make semen taste better, my wife and I followed the guidelines and
we did not get the results we desired. I continually ate fruit and my semen tasted horrible as usual. We decided to go to the doctor as you mentioned in the last issue and low and behold I had a urinary tract infection, I quit with the fruits but I am wondering when I should start to take my fruits to make my semen taste better?

Signed,
Make My Semen Tasty

Dear Make My Semen Tasty,

I am glad you took my advice and went to the doctor, as I wrote if your semen has a foul smell or taste, after you take your fruits, it may be an infection. Remember men can get yeast infections, and urinary tract infections as well. As far as when you should eat your fruit, by all means continue the diet, don’t stop eating a fruit just because you have an infection,
in fact eating cranberries will help rid the urinary tract infection. So you see the more fruit you eat the better, remember what I said, “You are what you eat”.

Sincerely,
LC

Confused Parents

Dear Dr. R. Lindsey,

We are nudists in our 60′s and have been swingers for 20 years. Our three kids are grown with kids of their own. We never spoke openly about swinging with our children, yet it has been a silly little secret in our nudist community for decades. Recently, a couple we have known for many years attended a swinger’s convention and ran into my youngest child and her husband. This is a very complex situation for us. do we say anything to our daughter? Do we disclose to them our Lifestyle? did we influence their choices? Should we give them advice? Please help.

Signed
Confused Parents

Dear Confused Parents,

This is a perfect example of the saying “No matter how old they get, they’re still my kids.” In addition, I honor the complexity of your situation.

First, you must ask yourself, “Has she always known that you were swingers?” The answer is probably “Yes.” It is difficult to keep secrets form children, particularly in smaller, closed communities. This conversation would require “intentional disclosure.” Intentional disclosure consists of a conversation akin to “coming out of the closet.” So you must decide if “intentional” disclosure is what you want and is it necessary?

Your next question is “Did you influence your daughter?” Well the answer is probably “Yes.” Parents influence their children in many ways. So do their friends, their community, their culture, and their personality. Most young adult children reject their parent’s lifestyle to assert their independence. Yet your daughter has found value in your choices by choosing them for herself. This may be a hidden compliment to the example you have set for her. your next question transcends all parental concerns “Should we give her advice?” My question is “Do you give her advice regularly and is she open to accepting it?” If so, you may wish to speak about subjects that focus on emotional and physical health, safety, and trust. These are always good subjects to discuss with the people you love and care about.

Good luck,
Dr. R. Lindsey

Concerned Friends

Dear Dr. R. Lindsey,

We are a professional couple in our 40′s and have been in the lifestyle for two-years. We have made many friendships and enjoy our “swing time.” However, we also have many long standing friendships with couples not in the lifestyle. We are open with most of them and they look forward to hearing about our adventures in swinging. Recently one couple has indicated a desire to explore the lifestyle and yet we feel uneasy about it. We notice that they are often angry with one another and very jealous. What should we do?

Sincerely,
Concerned Friends

Dear Concerned Friends,

Your caution is well founded. The Lifestyle is intriguing to many people, but it is not suitable for most. Your best approach is to have a discussion with this couple and educate them about how the Lifestyle can quickly bring a prepared couple together or tear an unprepared couple apart. Focus on the need for great communication, well developed self-esteem, and how to manage one’s jealous feelings. The Lifestyle is not the answer to a challenging relationship. However it may be a great enhancement to a stable and caring relationship.

Be well,
Dr. R. Lindsey,